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The Crazy English Language

Discussion in 'Humor' started by SweetSurrender, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. The Crazy English Language

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
    why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
    get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

    You lovers of the English language
    might enjoy this .

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the
    silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

    Oh . . . one more thing:

    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you
    do at night? U-P
  2. I hate english:confused: Alot of time you will catch me riting as it sounds. :D
  3. What's up with that?

    God bless
  4. I hate English to, thank GOD we speak American.:D
  5. When you are done reading this post, you will have read it. If you thought you were through, you haven't been thorough enough.
    If you threw a ewe, do you think it would sue?
  6. Cute, Carolina! But not as adorable as the guy in you profile pic. Or is it a girl?
  7. Oh, he's all boy, and thanks for the compliment. Thank goodness he looks like his mother. Actually, this pic's kind of old. He'll be 1 year old on Dec 12th. I haven't been around here much and haven't updated the pic. We've got another one due in Feb, so maybe I'll wait until he's born and post a nice family pic up.:D
  8. English is the hardest language to learn and got more words than you can shake a stick at. some words have 10 different word meaning the same thing. It's crazy man crazy :eek: Im American and probably only know 2% of the dictionary and what the werds meen. Ther I go again typin how it sounds. Try some of the kids now days and thier street language..........
    What did you SAY!? Then theres thier text messeges OMG!!!! I give up:cool::D Got my drift?

    Chili out.
  9. Sweet Surrender, did you write this? Was it one of those things circulating through the Internet? Just curious as we are sending it to many of our friends.
  10. Someone forwarded it to me, Radical. No, I'm not that talented!

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