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Teen and tolerance

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by dchena, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. Teen and tolerance

    I have been a Christian for only about 5 months now and I am increasinly becomming aware of things I taught my daughter that I wish I hadn't. She is 16, and while I taught her respect, manners, and the basics of being a good person, I also taught her tolerance. I have 2 family members who are gay, one in my immediate family and one in my extended family, and we have been open and welcoming to them. I don't regret that part. But I have myself never really discerned a right or wrong about gay living. Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging here, I still love my family members, and will stand up for them till the end, but becomming a Christian has certainly brought in a new dynamic and another layer to my considerations.

    I'm seeing in my daughter, now, as having intolerant tolerance, if that makes sense. She gets defensive of many ways of living that unsettle me. She defends based on her wanting to be accepting, like that on it's own is a specific value. I have not taught her to be accepting AND discerning. She learned from me to stand up for the underdog, I don't regret that. But she has taken it one step further and will defend on the basis of something just being different. Example: Trying to talk about my concern about a new tv show called 'Big Love', about a polygamist family. I haven't watched it, but I have read the actors comments on their roles and the actor is impressed by the husbands ability to 'look after' so many wives. She basicall just said, 'If I don't like it, don't watch it.' I just said that I didn't want to argue with her about it, because when I hear someone say that it means they are a locked door and there is no point going on without a serious strategy. She is the same way regarding pornography. Which really disturbs me. She has told me that doesn't like the stuff, she thinks it is pretty silly. She doesn't have an interest in it, thank God, but she will defend it as have a right to exist and a place in society. She's a strong thinker, very intelligent, strong willed, not afraid of going against the grain. My hope is that she will eventually respect Christianity and see how against the grain Christianity really is. I guess, in a nutshell, she can be fierce and she's very liberal in her views.

    So I'm strategizing. I have done a complete 180. How do I influence her at this point? At this point, she is so 'of this world'. And I am responsible. How do I turn it around? I have trouble just holding myself back so I don't spook her with the quick turn around that I have gone through.

    And I'm feeling overwhelmed by my lack of attention to these things before I was a Christian. I have regret. I was not strong enough to counter mainstream society. I totally supported it for her life of 16 years. I want to come out as fierce as she is, as she gets this quality from me, but I'm pretty sure it will only build a wall. This is delicate business.

    I'm thinking that I just need to give it time and wait for the opportunities like I always have. But that will take such patience and restraint, and honestly, I don't know if I can. A fullblown battle of the wills is in the making here.

    Anyone been through this? Know of anyone who has handled this with grace and success?

  2. well im a teen (18). i dont have any homosexuals in my family but I will say, if I ever found out my mom was planning stuff to influence me, i would become very defensive. I would say to give it time, if there is one thing i have learned, its that God can put us in situations to help people. Pray for her and love her. You might wanna go get something to eat, just you and her and bound together, tell her what you really think and ask her why she thinks the way she does. This, to me, would feel very untreatening and i would talk about it. Hope this helps.
  3. I don’t think there is a “quick fix” for something like this. She has been learning what she has learned for years. It may take some time to unlearn some things.

    Can it happen quickly?
    Sure it can, but quickly, or slowly, God will have to do it.
    The only person you can change is you, and if it’s for the good, only with God’s help.

    I might suggest being tolerant of her and just be your own Christian self.
    Do what you think is the right thing to do and she’ll notice the change in you.
    You’re going to continue to change and she will notice some changes in you before you notice them yourself.

    And pray, pray, pray.
    Then let God do his work, through you.
  4. we have people that go to other countries to die,because they can,t cope with there pain.euthanasia,the event killing is wrong,doesn,t mean we would stop loving them people,gays exactly same,abortion same etc.because circumstances change doesn,t mean the event is ok.iwould show her examples of this
  5. The best thing you can do is pray for her with the hope that the same thing that happened to you will happen to her. But it is something she has to experience herself and decide on her own. There may come a time when you feel it is just right to share your testimony. Also, in time, as she sees the love of Christ in you she just may be drawn to that and ask you questions.

    Have confidence that you are a new person in Christ yourself and that you will receive grace and wisdom (keep praying for wisdom) to say the right thing at the right time. Keep right on loving her just as she is.

    It sounds like she is surrounded by worldly influences from her peers and others. When you are praying for her ask God to send her Christian friends to influence her in a better direction.

    I have a son who has chosen to leave Christian fellowship. It's hard when we want the best for them; I pray for him on a regular basis. I was given the opportunity to share my testimony with him and since then, although he has not returned to Christ, he respects my choices and even asks me to pray for him sometimes even though he has said that he is agnostic).

    Mainly trust God to move in her life as you pray. It could take time or it may happen sooner than you expect. God loves you and God loves her and God is in charge. :amen:

    This scripture gives me hope so am sharing it here for your encouragement.

    :bible:"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov. 3:5-6)
  6. Is your daughter a Christian?
  7. My thoughts: You guys should read the bible together and discuss what you have read. Do not single out a subject but expose her to the whole Word of God a little at a time and let His wisdom penetrate her heart.

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