Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Sweet Pea, Jan 26, 2014.
What does it mean for a wife submit to your husband? I know, but I don't. What if he is wrong?
Yup-let him be wrong. He'll learn, hopefully.
Now on the flip side I am hoping he allows you to voice your opinion..
Caveat: obviously if we are talking life changing issues I hope you both are seeking 'good counsel' from a third party. (Preferably that counsel includes but is not limited to Parents, Pastor, Christian Brothers & Sisters, etc...)
I feel like he doesn't care about my opinion when he is angry.
Don't approach him when he is angry then...?
No, it's not me approaching him when he is angry. Like if something happens, he gets mad and doesn't care what I say. He just expects me to agree with him.
Pt. 02 - Doing HIS Plan Together
Phyllis gives a Women's perspective about submitting with scriptures. What she did and emotions she went through.
As a man, my views may be "slightly" slanted a bit. Best to hear another Godly women.
Pick number 2. You can also call and have the CD sent free shipping paid.
So do you tell him you disagree, or does it become a production?
In my own personal life it always becomes a production because said woman immediately argues with me every time I make a decision. Thus; like congress we get absolutely nowhere...
If said woman approached me with an open heart rather than immediately going into defensive battleship mode; maybe we could 'reason awhile' about some things. I would like to experience this one day.
If she counted to 10 and actually said something like " I don't agree with that decision, can we talk about this for a minute?"; I might go into shock and not know what to do at that point...but maybe I would be more willing to listen....
I might get some heat for voicing my opinions
I believe God has ordained men to lead the family.. Again, responsibility does not directly represent superiority.. Women has been entrusted with far more important responsibilities.. Such as keeping the family intact.. w.r.t your specific question on women submitting to husband, I look at it the same way God asks everyone to submit to government authority.. Decisions from government is not beneficial all the time.. For example, increased taxes.. We are to submit.. Basically get in agreement.. When leadership steps out of line and turns against God's decreed will, submission is not applicable.. For example, we should protest/resist government legalizing gay marriages.. The same would apply to man and women.. Even if decisions are not always beneficial, women are to submit to husband's final decision..
If I say I disagree or hint of disagreement, especially in front of the kids, he blows up.
I agree with that, Ravindran. I would be less inclined to disagree if everything was biblical. I do not agree with using bad language, but if he says one and I remind him, he will sometimes get mad and use more. So, I have to just not say anything? Suck it up and let him?
I think this cannot be looked as wives submitting to husband.. It should be looked as how one should respect the other partner (irrespective of gender).. My wife can do the same thing to me.. And I can do the same thing to her.. This action cannot be justified with the Biblical understanding of wives submitting to husbands..
These are things just have to be worked out with prayer! A small personal testimony.. I am now married for a little less than 4 years.. Probably nothing But one must remember we had arranged marriage.. I met my wife twice before marriage.. Talked over phone for about 10 to 15 mins everyday. I was in US and she was in India.. Most of the time went in routine questions like what did you eat, how is the weather, what's new - nothing, how is work, etc.. So we had literally zero understanding of each other.. We did not know about our characters.. We had lot of problems in the beginning.. Then we decided to have fasting prayer once every month.. At that time of prayer, we would share our opinions on what went wrong in that one month and share each person's opinion.. The prayer helped us to see the other person.. We have so much better understanding now.. For example, I am a very lazy person.. If there is a task at home, I usually get it done only when it becomes a necessity to get it done My wife always used to remind me frequently.. That ticks me off.. From her side, it is nothing.. She is just reminding me.. For me, it is pointing to my lazy character.. It required a simple talk and understanding from each others side.. I will have to emphasize the importance of prayer.. Because I firmly believe that is what brought that small change in us..
Sorry for the boring lengthy post
That's the problem... a lack of respect. What are my options as far as getting him to realize this?
I'm glad you and your wife were able to get on the right track. My husband and I have started reading the Bible together. I hope it helps.
I think patience has to be applied; for myself-I am better approached with criticism (constructive criticism...) and more open to it after I have had time to get over myself. Which includes me submitting to the Holy Spirit after the fact...
I don't know why I am that way?
I thought of an interesting approach:
#1: When you and your husband are in a way that you are both open to each other; bring up the things you that are bothering you and ask him how YOU can help him when things are starting to get out of control. Take note on his response.
#2: Ask him if he is willing to come up with a 'promise' of some sorts to fulfill that will help enable both of you to avoid the nasty behavior: Example: come up with some sort of token/ note/ signal to remind each other that things are not going well-say like a certain hand gesture (hand on your heart-symbolizing your heart, and Jesus' heart is breaking right now) or a favorite book (maybe set a Bible on the coffee table) to say hey, we need to step back and examine what is about to happen.
Behavior is learned, you have to unlearn it by coming up with new behavior-like doing what the Bible says not what our flesh wants.
We have tried both in the past. I did what he suggested (remind him when he behaves a certain way) and he just does it more. As far as example 2, we have also done that and it doesn't last for more than a little while and then he says forget that!
Please continue to pray for us. We are stressed and arguing.
Are you two in biblical couples counseling with a Pastor? Are either one of you in any kind of prayer groups or ministries in your church?
We tried counseling with our old pastor and it didn't work. My husband did not want to go. We stopped going to counseling and then we moved.
We are not involved in any extra activities. My husband is not interested in any.
I wish I could just impart the revelation of how much that strife in the house gives the devil a place. Peter says it hinders prayer to God when Husband and wife are in strife. Prayer that is hindered is very bad.
The anointing can't function in strife. I don't suppose that is understood though. So, any strife stops God from helping.
Strife = cut prayer line.
One of you have to not get involved in strife and get in faith. God just needs one, that is all. You can pray all day, have others pray but if someone does not do their part and continue to give place to the devil, then it's all for nothing.
So, what you do is this.
1Pe_3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
We believe your husband is going to be fixed, we cast the care of it on God and we never, never, never get upset at what the husband does or does not do. NO STRIFE!!
If we do our part, God does his part. If nobody is doing what God said, then we don't expect results. We trust God will perfect that which concerns us and we cast the care on him. If we don't have a care anymore then nothing the Husband does gets us upset because we know God is faithful that promised.
This takes faith.
If your not at the place of understanding just doing what God said do, Knowing God will do his part then it's time to dump the Husband because that is where you are at. Best to dump the husband than to allow strife, because in strife every evil work abounds and that even means death of children. Never give the devil a place in your home, it's not worth it.
Nothing wrong with that, we are all at different places of revelation.
To allow this to continue though effects the children and the blessings of God. I don't let anyone get in the way of the blessings. Even the wife.
Can you tell me more about what you said about the devil and strife?
Hi Sweet Pea,
Although the wife is supposed to submit to her husband, the husband is supposed to be submitted to Christ. Correction and headship are supposed to be coming from love. Ideally, Christ loves the family, the husband knows God always loves him and that God is wiser than him so he submits to God's loving will, the wife knows that her husband loves her (he's willing to sacrifice for her as Christ sacrificed for us) and knows that her husband submits to God's direction so his direction for her will be from God, and the wife knows that she is loved by her husband and she directs her children with the same loving example the husband provides.
When that is not happening however, for example the husband is giving direction that is against God's will, the wife needs to be submitted to God, before she is submitted to the husband (the wife is under the headship of God before she is under the headship of the husband). In issues where the husband is not denying God's word and commands, the wife should submit to the husband, even if she disagrees. If the husband is not reasonable to discuss the issue, you still have God to go to and your example in your favor if you act from God's Spirit.
There is no need to engage in strife. I will give you an example.
Now this example I give for someone not in a physically abusive relationship. If a husband is physically abusive I do not recommend this.
Let's say your husband says a curse word. You obviously don't want that behavior in front of your children. Rather than engaging in strife with him, smile and turn away and ignore the behavior. Then you can start singing. Something like I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart sounds like a great song to me. If you don't know that song here is a link to one with lyrics on it on youtube, but there are many versions of the song on there so listen to the one that uplifts you. http://www.youtube.co/watch?v=MxFx8V3DSwc
Here is a woman singing it.
I would just not engage in angry behavior and by consistently ignoring that behavior your husband will come to understand that he can't get you into that foolishness with him.
If I was out and my husband started cursing, I would do the same thing. I would start praising God, maybe sing the song, turn to the people around me, "How's your day going" "Are you blessed today?"
Is this childish? No! Rejoicing, yes! Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Philippians 4:4).
It would probably stop your husband from doing that behavior in public.
To be frank I engage people like this a lot and I have seen so many downcast people lifted because of the joy and love I am spreading. It is rare someone doesn't like it and if they don't so what. I gave them blessing and love.
Often the arguments are not even about the arguments, but about the energy in the relationship (that is does your husband feel you love him and does not feel that you correct him from love, but rather from judgment).
Ask God to give you his supernatural love for your husband. Ask God for wisdom regarding your husband. Ask God to give your husband understanding. Ask God for direction and take it even if it is unconventional like the direction above that I imparted to you. If you are not by faith letting God create love through you, then you are trying to handle this through the flesh. It is God's Spirit that changes things, not fleshly actions which have ungodly spirituality that leads to what you are experiencing.
I have told you in another post you wrote on this to continually play the bible in your house. Have you or can you do that? They have free versions on the internet.
Are you willing to give this situation to God, asking him for real change which might mean changing yourself first. If you are the one willing to submit to God, he will most likely change you first.
Do you forgive your husband? Remember, Christ changes us by love, but the love is real. Ask for God to move your heart and mind by his Holy Spirit and God will lead you in what to do.
Also, if you do the singing, he may not like it at first, but as long as he is not physically abusive you need to consistently do the same behavior every time. This will let him know you have a new way of relating and you are not going back into arguing. Every time he behaves angrily, you behave happily.
Remember your strength is in the Lord, not in you.
Thanks, Olivia. He is not physically abusive, so I don't have to worry about that. I do forgive him, but it's hard because it's repeated behavior. We keep talking about it, he says he is sorry, and then does it again. It's like he cannot stop!