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Stuck in a "Friendationship"? (Friend+Relationship)

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Mercedes Benz E Class, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. Hi my dear good friends, my fellow "forumsiters"!

    Well now. This is both a question and information sharing all in one.

    My question goes out to the married, the already married. I mean, along the path to your marriage, was there ever a time where you felt that one of you evolved at a faster pace than the other - in terms of feelings. Did it eventually iron itself out.

    I have always believed or lets say felt more secure in relationships that start off as friends. But evolve into romance / marriage. But I feel the stages in between transitions can be tough for some you know. For instance you feel he should buy you flowers but then he is your bestfriend for the past 5 years and doesn't see why but you know he is more than a friend cause how he looks at you or treats you.

    Either way this cant be a good place to be and I can see due to the frustration why at some point someone has to make a decision because its not healthy. What if they are keeping your real mate away from you?

    For some, they have to play it by the ear, and do nothing about it. I have heard it said that relationships have different stages and should not be forced. Rather let it happen organically. for me that sounds like the best way forward.

    what are your thoughts?

    Thank you!


    The Urban Dictionary says that Friendationship is “the state of a relationship wherein the two people are clearly ‘more than friends’ but won't admit or don't know if they are a ‘couple’ or not.” There are several people online that say they coined the word including a good friend of mine who is a successful singer and writer. Several years ago I was sitting with her in a Dallas, TX coffeehouse (we were both in town speaking at different Churches) drinking a strong cup of decaf when I heard her talked about her friendationship. I was like, what did you just say? She went on to say you know, Christian friends with or without benefits depending on how you define it. You are somewhere between a friendship and a committed relationship. You aren't going forward or backward. You are somewhat stuck. She had decided she wanted out. She was tired of this in between place. She wanted more.

    So why would anyone want to be in a friendationship? Why would anyone want to be stuck? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship whether friend or romantic without knowing where you stand and where you are going? I decided to do some research on the subject. I was so amazed at how many people are in these relationships. But my question to all of them was… why?

    Here are some of their answers:

    1. “Being in the middle is safe.”

    ......follow the link to get the rest :)
  2. "Friendlationships" are poison and they almost never lead to anything more meaningful.

    That's exactly what happens and why you should stay away from them.

    Do not waste your time on them. Either get all the way in or all the way out... Don't have some guy who you call up when you are sad or blue or want some company - but you can't bring yourself to go any further with.... Don't take those calls from some guy who you really want to date - yet only wants you for a warm shoulder to cry on or to have company with when he can't get a "Real date"....

    Here's the thing.. I know it's a lot easier said than done... You hate to have nobody - so you will settle for doing things with someone even if there's realistically no chance of a real, romantic relationship that's going to go somewhere.... What happens is that you treat that person as if there's a relationship when there isn't - and it effectively makes you stop looking for that person who *Could* be the real thing.

    Klub, Abdicate and Mercedes Benz E Class says Amen and like this.

  3. This says it all. Its time for me to ditch those lukewarm relationships, to leave the cosy nest of limbo land.

    It will be hard but I will do it.

    Thank you for your straightforward answer.
    Abdicate likes this.
  4. Like John said, it's a bad, and dangerous place to be.

    My opinion, the man should be the one who instigated and clearly communicates his intentions of hanging out with a girl. And a friendship between two members of the opposite sex shouldn't be as deep as a friendship between two members of the same sex.

    If the guy wants to be in a "friendlationship" he needs to grow up, it says he's not ready to date/ pursue marriage, he's just in it for other reasons
    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  5. Great stuff Klub.

    I am long since out of that friendationship :)

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