Struggling And Feeling Pushed Away From My Faith.

Discussion in 'Fellowship Time' started by RyanUnderGod, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. I've always considered myself to be a believer and even as I type this I still do. Recently, I went on a date with a girl from my bible study group and we kissed at the end of the night. We talked and at least from my end I was not trying to make sexual advances nor have sex with her. I made this clear to her by telling her before anything happened. I really liked her or at least felt like I did at the time, she was also very receptive of me and assured me that she wanted to see me soon at the end of the night.

    She was quick to regret the night the following day despite having feelings for me. She felt that her actions were ungodly. I sincerely tried to talk her through it and never undermined the way she felt when she made it clear to me that she felt bad about it. She became bothered that I didn't appear sorry for kissing her and wanted nothing to do with me. She said that God was calling her to a different ministry even. When I thought this situation was over and knew it was a mistake to display affection for her so soon, she went to my student ministry group and cried to the leaders giving them a story that more or less made me out to be a manipulative predator.

    I was dragged into a room minutes before the usual small group meeting happened where the heads of the ministry were sitting. They immediately were asking me about the incident and I was upset at both them for putting me in a high pressure situation and the girl for lying to them. Since then, I have been forced to attend a one on one meeting with one of the leaders an hour a week to talk or else I won't be allowed back. The girl, however, has no punishment.

    I'm really embittered about the situation because our conversations haven't been very fruitful between me and this leader guy. On our initial meeting he brought up the situation and when I told him the truth he wasn't willing to take it as anymore than "my side" of the story and was harsh against me. When I was defensive about his allegations against my character he told me that I had issues with authority and that too was sinful. I can't help but feel not only offended by many instances in our conversations, but I truly believe it is pushing me away from my faith. I feel that I have to be completely docile and accept everything he says as truth or I am some self-righteous rebel. In this, I can't help but question myself and doubt myself as truly being saved anymore. I know works don't save you, but your works should reflect the way in which you feel about Christ. It's been a real burden on me the last few days and I feel like a prisoner. I felt like I was growing in my group and was holding good godly conversations with people. I need some security in this situation. Am I justified to feel this way? Where should I go from here?
  2. Your post make me laugh Ryan.

    Naughty girl! Silly elder to be blinded by a girl.

    How old is the leader? How many years has he been a Christian for? Meetings once a week with him..what the hell??? :eek::eek::eek::eek:. No offence to him but he sounds like a youngster. My elders would never do such. They would arrange meetings for both and if anything... give the girl a slap on the bum for approaching them like she did when you are a respected member.

    Kudo's for restraining yourself. Pity there is nothing left to salvage from a relationship with her :(.

    If I were you I would approach another elder to deal with the one hassling you. I would state my case ONCE and refuse to go to meetings. I would also question his judgement.

    This reminds me of an incident I had at work on my previous job. I was falsely accused and had two bosses reprimanding me from a dizzy height. They fired me / asked me to leave. I did and God gave me a much better job within the month. It could be God's way of getting you to move on? Only abnormal incidents / false accusations can be used for that as we are so ''good'' :).
    JustPassingThru likes this.
  3. Your reply made me smile! Thank you!

    I just sent a very long and detailed email not only explaining everything that went on between me and this girl to the director but made mention of the character accusations made by this elder and his forced mandatory "my way or the highway" meetings. I hope she can understand me, I have felt like a crazy person these last couple of days.

    The elder is in his mid twenties, he is barely older than myself. I question his sincerity.
    autumn oddity and KingJ say Amen and like this.
  4. I want to reaffirm what KingJ said, the Lord is allowing this test in you life for a reason, I humbly suggest you spend some quite time with Him to hear what He wants to tell you, and while there don't forget Jesus was falsely accused so He knows how you feel.


  5. This too shall pass,:)
  6. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. I Cor 4:3-4

    I really feel for you, man. I can't tell you how many times I've seen verses like Romans 13:1 or Hebrews 13:17 used by church "authorities" to mean "you have to do and believe whatever I tell you to do and believe." If you're trying to learn about living a Christian life, submit to sound Bible teaching, and fellowship with other believers, you have every right to attend a Bible study with other believers. In my experience, the heavy hand of authority among Christians is too often wielded with unnecessary, and counterproductive, haste and force.

    If you've considered the situation according to scriptural teaching and decided that your conscience is clear, then the judgment of any "human court" shouldn't make you feel "pushed away from your faith" -- our faith is in God, not church "authorities." If the "authorities" at the Bible study feel that you've done something wrong, there are ways they can approach that in a genuinely loving way, and, from your description, it doesn't sound like they've made a lot of effort to do that.

    Don't be surprised if you see power being abused in any human institution. Your faith shouldn't depend on whether or not other Christians following the Bible, just make sure you're working toward following it more and more yourself. One day, you'll probably be a leader too, and you'll still have issues of your own to work on, and younger Christians will witness you making mistakes. Be as patient as you can with this guy, just as you would expect others to be patient with you. It's always tough working with someone with an unhealthy need for control. But recognise that for what is it: his problem. Don't let some other Christian's problem make you feel pushed away from your faith.
    God is Love and Mercedes Benz E Class say Amen and like this.
  7. Thanks for the loving comments everyone! The whole issue was sort of dropped after another discussion and the email I sent them and I'm just trying to recover from everything.

    @Roads: Thank you! I definitely agree with your post, I have issues with human authority because humans tend to abuse authority (as we've seen all throughout history, haha). The reason I said I was feeling pushed away from my faith was not that I ever had my faith misplaced but rather that I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed and my character was challenged in a personal way by these authorities. It made me feel so outcast from a fellowship that I really enjoy and it just made me feel not worthy.
  8. Its a terrible time.

    How you react will determine your life.

    Once I had an issue at church and I took it so bad that I left the church - bad decision.

    If I had just turned the other cheek, and humbled myself so that with time people would see my true colours - eventually I would have been the winner.

    I'd just say, be stable, attend, forgive and be yourself, eventually they will know who the real culprit was.

    Take care.
  9. Don't let this affect your walk with God. Is not worth it.
  10. I would probably accept and endure the rebuke, and then move forward. Failing that I would find another place to fellowship if your faith in your leaders has been compromised. People are not infallible, but I know that right now, churches around the country are being forced to take these types of allegations REALLY, REALLY seriously, far beyond what reason would suggest. The accusation alone is enough to make them nervous, so try not to be too harsh on them. Your faith is much more important than any one incident. Part of maturing will be Satan's attack on our character and witness.
    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  11. Life is indeed harsh sometimes simply because the world that we are living in will never be perfect. Have faith in God in the midst of troubles and repent from all your wrongdoings and sins where the Holy Spirit has convicted you of. Do check out this uplifting blog here >>>> God bless :)

  12. Man, I'm sorry. I had a similar situation (being called into meetings with a pastor to be lectured) in the church I attended when I was 15. There was this new girl in church that for whatever reason enjoyed being around me. I guess because I'm not judgmental. The youth pastor didn't like her, none of the other members liked her, and pretty much none of the church people wanted her there. After a while I started to defend her. Everyone else wanted her out because she smoked and obviously came from a hard home, unlike the rest of the wealthy white people in the church. She was "trailer trash."
    Soon I started being pulled aside and told not to be around her anymore. Being her only friend that regularly attended church, I refused. I said that she needed to be in the church and if I stopped sitting with her and talking to her she probably wouldn't come anymore. The more it went along the more it was clear that the youth pastor wanted me to stop talking to her so she wouldn't come anymore.
    Soon after she was kicked out. She was accused of something she didn't do (destroying the bathroom) and asked to leave. She was with me when the bathroom was destroyed, but they didn't believe me or didn't care that she didn't do it. I was told in a round about way not to ask anymore questions in the Bible study on Sunday morning, so I left the church.. The thought of that girl still haunts me because I don't know what happened to her. I can only imagine where she is now since she was rejected at church.

    Although your post is only one side of the story, I firmly believe that calling you into weekly meetings is wrong. Honestly, I feel that is a good way to push people away from church. Remember though, your faith isn't dependent on church. You're relationship with Jesus has nothing to do with the elders at the church or the people you sit with. Don't let outside forces effect what they can't touch! Stay strong and PM me if you need to chat!
  13. You should be respectful of course, but what kind of church does this?

    I have pastured a church and at first hearing how she felt would have called both you in and do my best to be led by the Holy Spirit so you both left happy and satisfied with the outcome and understood restraints and how to handle things better next time. If I make you feel bad or her feel bad, then I did not do my Job properly if you both were willing to listen.

    Young people needed directed and presented with wisdom on how to handle situations. Scripture says not to despise youth but encourage and admonish them in the Lord.
    Huntingteckel likes this.
  14. #14 autumn oddity, May 5, 2014
    Last edited: May 5, 2014
    Im sorry abt that, but making one or even two mistakes doesn't mean you aren't saved... you are branded for life by God's HS...he will finish the work He started in you. He is the alpha and omega after all.

    But you should, listen and take a bit of heed to their warning.

    All I know is that pll shouldn't be so quick to judge...i could only imagine what they'd say abt my members, not church members but pll God wants to use as envagelist, prophests ect. But tthat's what I love abt God, He doesn't judge all He sees is potential.
  15. Ryan Hi,
    First off know this....You are not the first or the last to have one pulled over you by a girl. I think it's just a normal thing for a male. LOL

    However I would simply say this is a very good time to learn and put into practice....Forgiving and Loving....Pray fro her and I mean prayers that wouldlift her up and bless her. This will allow God to move on your behalf in this situation.
  16. Proverbs 24: 28
    (DRB) Be not witness without cause against thy neighbour: and deceive not any man with thy lips.
    (GW) Do not testify against your neighbour without a reason, and do not deceive with your lips.
    Proverbs 25:9
    (DRB) A man that beareth false witness against his neighbour, is like a dart and a sword and a sharp arrow.
    (ISV) A club, a sword, and a sharp arrow—that's what a man is who lies about his neighbour.
    Proverbs 6: 16-19
    These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
    A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
    An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
    A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
    Matthew 18: 16
    But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
    2Corinthians 13: 1
    This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.
    1Titus 5:19
    Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.
    Hebrews 10:28
    He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:

    Your church oversight is out of order and unscriptural. Compare all things against the Word of God. Pray for your oversight. Pray for this girl. Pray for yourself. Pray for the Lord to resolve this by his grace and intervention. Beware of bitterness.
  17. This is the scheme of the devil to get you to do just what you're doing - doubting your faith. In reality, you're doubting the pharisaical practices of the "church" today. A good leader would have followed what our judicial system does - be confronted by the accuser directly with witnesses, just as the word of God says to do, Due 17:6. Stick with following Jesus and until you leave their authority, you must submit to them, Rom 13:1-2. Hold onto Jesus and let them (and her) live the lie, God will set the record straight, Psa 20:1-2.
    Cturtle likes this.

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