So Sad, But Gonna Be Strong!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Cyfaithwy, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. My boyfriend (first one) broke up with me. I was his first girlfriend. He's under stress at home and is taking it out on me. Everything he was and did with me was loving and gentle and sweet, but now he has become an uncaring, hard-hearted individual whose family are trying to lock me out of social events in our community and be rid of me at the same time as they drill me with questions as to whether we had sex. They disapproved of my clothing choices, which weren't the typical homeschool fare, and now they're treating me like a slut?

    What's worse is, HE was either playing me, or just couldn't control himself around me- for the past 6 months, every time we got together in his car he'd be hugging me, playing kissing games, staring games, playing with my hair, having my head on his shoulder... As in, nonstop. The times we weren't doing that, we were holding hands. I believed the best of him and didn't realize what a traitor he'd become, or how lightly he thought about our relationship in reality, because he was stringing me along with sky-high manipulation and lies that he'd never break up with me.

    Now he "apologizes" for the first time and rudely bangs me over the head for holding on and saying I'm going to be single till the first day of 2013, unless he can give me a better reason for our break-up than his claim that he heard God speaking to his heart and telling him to be single for some time and that dreadful things would happen if we stayed together.... without any explanation of why he thought that, or why God would want that of him!

    Great time to discover you're meant to be single, when your words, hands, mouth and body have stolen a girl's heart. I shouldn't have flashbacks of the single, celibate guy kissing me on the lips or cradling me in his arms. He's come up with the excuse that it wasn't a good relationship for me because I idolized him... but does he know that I DID recognize his faults, just covered over them in love?

    The thing that makes all this so wretched is how highly his family is regarded in our community. I HAVE to make him play by the rules or be shown up as a hypocrite. So I'm sticking in there. I'm not going to let him be a player without betraying himself as such to everyone.

    Advice? I'm not responding to his lame apology just to show him that I disapprove, that if as he said: "By allowing myself to become so intimate with you in the dating phase, I violated my own parameters and I am beginning to see just how badly that hurt you.", he should MAN UP and act with responsibility for his actions! We weren't just dating, because he took it to the next level physically, and unless we're going to take things by the world's standards, to leave me now is unacceptable unless he has a reason and I'm ok with it.

    His "cutting off communication" with me has been an act of sheer cowardice, so I refuse to acknowledge the apology. It wasn't one. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and not just shrug.
  2. Personally, I think you are taking on a futile battle by trying to force him to acknowledge anything, to take responsibility, to stay with you, or play by the rules. You are going to spend a lot of time, energy, and emotion in an endeavour that is unlikely to have any kind of a satisfactory outcome. Disengage from that battle, and spend your time, energy, and emotion on your personal growth and on those activities and relationships that are good for you. He is not ready for a healthy, responsible relationship with you (or probably anyone else) and doesn't look like he will be ready any time soon. Let him go and let God deal with him. This won't assuage your present pain, but it will save you a lot of pain going forward.

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