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So I found out I'm retarded...

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by NoDoubt, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. So I found out I'm retarded...

    I want to get drunk. I want to forget. I don't want to have to live with myself all the time.

    I felt incapable before, then I find out I have high functioning autism. A curse where I look normal, but seem wierd. I can't socialize, thanks to my retardation. It's made my life very miserable. I've tried several things in hopes of never waking up, but all have failed.

    Life is too much for me. I can't focus, I can't function, it all hurts too much.

    I know in the depths of my heart that God is perfect in every way. So I only get more angry at myself trying to figure out why He won't fix me. I refuse to allow myself to even think about being angry or bitter at God, because if I die now, I go to heaven. I don't want to venture into the dangerous territories of denounciation.

    So I almost want to kill myself preventatively. It sure doesn't feel like I'll get any better. The ways I have gotten better have made me so angry. I worked out until I achieved this "normal" appearance, and that only made my autism stand out that much more.

    Why am I so weak? Why can't I draw on God's strength to do the right things? Why can't I let go of so much bitterness and depression? Why can't I stop myself from doing the terrible things I do? Why do I have to live?
  2. why don,t you repent to jesus and ask God for help.
  3. Done that. I failed again. To repent is to turn away from. If I'm repenting, and fighting, why do I keep failing? Where is the power of God if I can't overcome anything?
  4. No Doubt. We're all damaged goods. We're all in the same boat, holding different oars. IN this boat, we are all going to face storms.where the winds are so strong, we're sure that the mast is going to be snapped like a toothpick, and fall on us. where the waves are so feirce, and so powerful, that there doesn't seem to be any way that our little boat can hold together beneath the force of the water crashing down on us,filling the boat with more water than it could possibly hold. But we must remmeber who is also in the boat with us:

    Mark 4:35-45(KJV)
    "35And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.
    36And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.
    37And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.
    38And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?
    39And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
    40And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? 41And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"
    do lot lose heart. Jesus is capable, and God's grace is sufficient. Through Him we are all made new. FOcus your eyes on the front of the boat, where Jesus stands,arms outstretched, and watch his robes billowing in the wind,then gently settling in to the natural position oas the waves cease and the wind calms to a gentle breeze, and the sun comes from behind the clouds, warming and drying the cold drops of rain from your face. He is there with you, and will strengthen you, and realize that He loves you.
  5. I know He's there, I know He loves me, but the strengthening is yet to come, apparently.
  6. God sees no fault in anything but sin.

    He does not Find fault in your disability.

    He doesn't see what we may see as wrong, distorted, ugly, handicapped, etc. in appearances.

    The only thing he will find imperfect in His children are their hearts.

    He created each of us exactly the way He wanted us for whatever reason.

    I am struggling with things as well.
    I have had so much inspiration this last week from our family here, scripture, writings and music that again I have the strength to know to praise Him with a glad heart, through it all!

    Rejoice always! Through everything.

    My problems are not gone but my strength has returned by the name of Jesus!

    As low as I have been there could be no other answer.
    I give God all the glory for my renewal in spirit and mind.

    No matter what we go through, He is worthy of our praise!!!

    Just make that decision to rebuke satan in the powerful name of Jesus; he has no choice but to flee.

    Smile, thank God for everything, good and bad and He will bring peace and joy to your heart!

    The things you thought were bad, won't seem so bad anymore~

    You are in my prayers :groupray:
    Love, Violet

  7. I know

    Ephesians 6:12

    12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

    I pray the spirits that are coming against you come down.
    2 Corinthians 10:4
    (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
    our mind is where satan tries to attack us. and through the 5 physical sences.
    when things that are come to your mind that are against Gods word rebuke it. pull it down.
    Psalm 139:14
    I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
    Genesis 1:27

    27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
  8. Autism isn't the end of all that is worthwhile. You're the same person you were before being labelled, but the diagnosis may aid in understanding yourself and finding strategies for dealing with it. Autism is not the same as retardation, if that's any comfort. I have a nephew who is autistic. His parents and other caregivers have worked hard with him and, while he still has issues related to his condition, he's made a lot of progress. He is a delightful child.

    You certainly don't seem "retarded" to me. You seem to communicate and interact fine in this forum. I think you may underestimate yourself because of the particular obstacles related to your autism. Behind the social awkwardness and the difficulty focusing and such, there is a bright, articulate, thoughtful person.

    You ask a lot of "why" questions, which is only natural. I have come to accept that I'm simply not going to know a lot of the "whys" in this life. If you live your life for God, He will not allow it to be wasted. For me, it is a simple matter of trust, having come to know His nature, that my obedience to Him, my struggling with my weaknesses and limitations and foolishness, offered up to Him as service and worship, will not be wasted, will not go unnoticed. Whew, lot of commas in that sentence. This autism, and the issues that go with it, is the burden you have been given to bear. Why did God saddle you with this? Why doesn't He just fix it? I don't know, but He knows, and His knowing is sufficient. That doesn't necessarily make it easier, but know that He has not left you dangling in the wind, too defective for Him to notice.

    I have to rush to work, now, so can't finish a couple other thoughts. I will pray for you, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your life and your future have inestimable value in God's eyes.
  9. I have a cousin who is Autistic, and at 17 years old he can't speak, and he walks around with his hands covering his ears all the time, he also suffer from obsessive compulsive dissorder.

    The fact that you can read or write is amazing to me, you truley are high functioning. Thats great. The Autistic community needs a person such as yourself, someone who is obviously intelligent, and can speak out on behalf of those who can't. I see this as an opportunity for you. Pray Pray and Pray some more, God will indeed use you as part of his great plan.
    1. Psalm 46:10
      • King James Version (KJV)
        Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
        Psalm 46:9-11 (in Context) Psalm 46 (Whole Chapter)
    2. The Message (MSG)

      View commentary related to this passage

      8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
      He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
      Bans war from pole to pole,
      breaks all the weapons across his knee.
      "Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
      loving look at me, your High God,
      above politics, above everything."
  10. Howdy,

    What is this health problem going to stop you from doing:confused:

    You cannot get married:confused:

    You cannot have offspring:confused:

    You cannot hold down a job:confused:

    Does autism make you depress for the rest of your days:confused:

    I don't understand:confused:

  11. Well said brother!
  12. NoDoubt...by man's measurement they may have found something wrong with you. Mankind has always searched with a microscope to find fault in one another. Mankind isn't always right.

    Just by reading what you've written, judging by the heart, I see nothing wrong with you. You're, dare I say, more intelligent than some people that I know (who have degrees from some of the best universities in the country!);)

    What you're telling us is from your heart. Not your brain. This pain that you're feeling comes from other men putting a label on you...not from God.

    True story: Up until the fifth grade or so, I thought that there were more Indians in the world than there were white people. I grew up on the reservation, was schooled there, lived there, ate there. Then, slowly, I discovered that I was an Indian. I was shocked! I learned about treaties and measles blankets and the Oregon Trail. I learned about prejudice and genocide and all kinds of awful things. Suddenly, I didn't want to be an Indian, it wasn't fair!

    But God made me what He made me. He created me an Indian. He made me tall. He made my hair black. I'm a big muscular guy. I've been to college and I'm a supervisor at work. The supervisor part, I can change that anytime I want. I can even change my hair color (I've tried it in the past). But I can't change my height. I can't change my skin color. I can't change the fact that I'm Indian.

    Over the years, I learned that being Indian isn't a curse. It's a blessing! Indians can do anything else that other people can do, I'm living proof of that.

    I suspect that over a period of time, you're going to realize that what God has made you isn't a curse either. You're going to see that you're able to do things that other "normal" people are able to do.

    Heck, judging by how you're able to express yourself so beautifully...my friend, you're already there!

    God bless you.
  13. People with straight hair curl their hair, people with curly hair straigthen thiers, dye it, have surgery etc,-We must trust the artist- we are all farfully and wonderfully made.God has placed unique talents, gifting and callings in each of our lives0 one is not better than the other but indeed each vessel in the Masters house has a nitch that only that person can fill- praise God for how He made us -

    1Ki 10:9 Blessed be the LORD thy God, which delighted in thee, to set thee on the throne of Israel: because the LORD loved Israel forever, therefore made he thee king, to do judgment and justice.
  14. Thanks for the kind words everyone...

    Spiritlead - I know it's spirits coming against me. I'm certain of it. But they never leave me alone. On rare occasions they leave me in peace, but I feel perpetually under assault these days.

    Rumely - I don't seem retarded, until you try to carry on a face-to-face conversation with me. Communicating textually allows more time to formulate a response, and I'm not expected to interpret myriad signals in addition to the words.

    I can use words fairly well, all by themselves. Ask me, however, to use them in conjunction with gestures, expressions, and tones while simultaneously interpreting those I am recieving and I'm at a loss. One on one, I can mask my inabilities to some degree. If there are 2 or more people around, I just can't keep up, socially. So I shut up. And vanish.

    DaveS - I don't mean to sound callous, but at least your cousin gets sympathy. People are aware of his mental condition and act accordingly. I, however, simply seem strange ~ and nuerotypicals tend to be very unkind to the strange but otherwise unhindered individuals.

    Beloved - My health is stable, though I'm painfully small by American standards. Being wierd AND small does not make me attractive, so marraige and offspring seems completely out of reach when even acquiring a girlfriend is excruciatingly difficult.
    Holding down a job is difficult because it's so hard for me to focus on anything, even things I enjoy. Employers think I'm smart but lazy.

    WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M SMART?! I hate that! It puts this haze of expectations around me. I fail them all, and then people hate me even more. Yes - depression is a symptom of Autism, apparently, and would explain why I was depressed before I even knew the concept thereof. Suicide has been on my mind since I was 4, I don't even remember it (nor much of my childhood), but I found that out from my mom.

    And Whirlwind - As if it weren't enough that I was wierd, I was also harassed for being short, fat, and pasty my whole life. You said it yourself, you're a big guy. Life is much easier for big guys. Especially those with naturally occuring melanin.

    Boanerges - I have never heard of a tall person wanting to be short, a skinny person wanting to be fat, a colored person wanting to be pasty, or a normal person wanting to be wierd. I seem to be all the things that people DONT want to be.

    Even those things that I used to consider my strengths are collapsing in front of me. I'm losing friends, losing income, losing abilities, losing track, losing everything. My life is falling apart while I watch, and I can't take it.
  15. I am so sorry for your pain- I would like to share this though: The places where are I leaned upon crashed down around me where the places of some of my most profound encounters with Jesus! I will be praying for you NoDoubt.
  16. :mad:

    Like the prophet of old, I see a small cloud arising from a distance, the size of a mans hand

    I hear distant thunderings and rummblings.

    I smell rain in the wind, the heavens are parting

    Upon a dry and WEARY people so shall My rains come

    Refreshing rains to heal my people.

    Thus sayeth the Lord

    Do not step were you do not know, sayeth the Lord.

    Walk with Me, and we will be One. Take My hand and I will take you to great and wonderful places you know not of.

    I Will be your Father Mother Sister Brother. I Will be your Best Friend.

    Sacrifice all for me and I will give you more than you can imagine. Thus sayeth the Lord.
  17. Have a dear friend............................

    whose suffers from Bi-polar yet she prays in warrior like prayers to everyone she encounters, she's got a personality that won't quit. She alway lifts us up, gives wise advice and is loads of fun to hang out with.

    another friend is terribly abused by not only her husband but her grown children who copy their fathers behavior towards her. In the past 2 years though she is not haggard but has blossomed like a beutisul rose, and looks 15 years younger, and has a contenence about her.......Wellllll....... she glows and her personality blesses everyone...

    another good friend is a tiny thing 4' something and flat so unless you see her feminine face you'd think she was a littleboy... She fosters abused and handicapped infants and children... She glows too by the way...

    Another which was born with cerebral palsy, in a wheelchair witnesses on the streets to drug addicts, prostitues, criminals.

    I could go on and on

    get the picture... I don't know one person with faults and handicaps that has allowed themselves not to serve the Lord...

    Though they have mountains of problems they are all rich in the Lord and it shows.

    Have you ever been on anti-depress:)ive meds ????????

    Much love to you
  18. Wasn't Zacchaeus a small person?
  19. Ocd

    I myself have a extreme case of OCD which causes a variety of troubles when interacting with other people in society causing great paranoia & depression. I have found a good Dr. who has been very kind & helpful. With the help of God & the help of the Dr which God has placed for me I am determened to overcome. We can do it together!!! Dont give up, you never know what the future has to offer. :groupray:

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