I grew up in an abusive household. For years, I've been afraid to have children. But I know that God has put the desire to be a Pastor's wife and a desire to have children in my heart. However, I've been praying against it because I want the cycle of abuse to end with me. So I've been trying to change my desires (haha.....love how that's working out! ) and been praying to God that He doesn't give me children. I didn't want my children to ever go through what I went through. But the longing to have children and the longing to settle down is growing more and more. So as much as I desire to have children, I"m fearful of having them. I'm scared of messing up and doing what people did to me in my family. I am home for Thanksgiving break and no one was home. I was sitting in the living room, attempting to do some homework...and the song "All Men Are Broken" by Misty Edwards came on. I stayed away from the song before because some of her lyrics in that song doesn't sit right with me. However, something in me told me to listen to the whole song. And these lyrics came on (btw....some of Misty Edwards songs comes from God's point. So, this song is about God speaking to us): "And some of you have been so afraid of repeating the same mistakes. The fear has you frozen. But listen, listen. I have the power to change things and I have the power to make you new. I have the power to rearrange that same old chain. You’re not like your father. It’s a new day. It’s a new day. You're not like your father. The sins of your father and the sins of their fathers will not be on you. Keep on coming. Your babies are My babies. I will be the Father because your babies are my babies. I’m gonna turn it all around. Just wait and see. I’m going to make everything beautiful just in time. I’m going to turn it all around. Just wait and see. I’m going to make everything beautiful just in time." I bawled my eyes out. I cried for a good thirty minutes. I haven't cried that hard in such a long time! I didn't realize how heavy I felt with this burden. And so, I'm being set free of this fear. I think it was an awesome experience and God really moved just right in my living room! I'm still fearful, but I realize that my children will always belong to God! And He is for me and not against me!