sitting on the fence

Discussion in 'New Members Welcome' started by Wakey, Nov 6, 2010.

  1. Hi - I can finally post now after joining a few days ago...yay! Just thought I'd let you know a little bit about myself:

    I was Born Again in January 1997 for the 2nd time (had been baptized when I was 12 but a short time later turned my back on God). It was a very glorious, amazing, eye-opening, heartwarming, and loving time of my life. I loved the Lord and sincerely gave my life to Him. Though I was married to an unbeliever, I became very active in the church and Christian community.

    In 2004 I began drifting away, and was having many unanswered questions about Christianity. Questions my pastor or others could not answer and I could not come to terms with. In 2005 I finally filed for divorce to end an abusive marriage, and that is when I left the church and God behind. Many sermons had been preached on God's disdain for divorce, and I knew I couldn't stay there and go through the divorce at the same time.

    Since that time I have gone WAY to the other side, so-to-speak. I had reached the conclusion that I had been "brainwashed" (not REALLY, but figuratively) into believing all that Christian stuff. I won't even get into some lifestyle choices I've made over these past years. But...for reasons unbeknownst to me, I was driving to a meeting the other night and a STRONG FORCE came over me which compelled me to turn my radio to the local Christian radio station. I haven't listened to another station since then (1 week ago).

    I know God is calling, but I don't know if I am willing to follow. I am not 100% "sold" on this, and am concerned that I am just feeling sentimental over the old songs I remember, or that I would simply be turning to Him in a time of strife. And honestly, I don't know if I am willing to change what needs changing in order to follow here I sit on the fence...
  2. I'm possibly the last person here who should be answering as I never have found the way with Him but I am certain He is very much a reality. I'd also feel certain that while one can feel willing to change and in fact change things that are wrong, the ultimate break through can only come through Christ - deed alone will not work.

    I hope you find/re-find and stay with what I have yet not managed. It sounds odd but, believe me that He is there.
  3. One other comment. While I only know this life, my life without Him is a life of emptiness. I know that only too well.
  4. Should have also said (although I'm new here too and it's not my board... but) "Welcome fellow struggler".
  5. Welcome to the board, Wakey :)

    I think as your user name suggests, God is trying to wake you up.
    "Wakey, wakey sleepy head!"

    "Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning— lest he come suddenly and find you asleep." - Mark 13:35-36 (ESV)

    I, myself have had doubting moments and its frustrating BUT He allows me to keep coming back to Him.
    He doesn't snub me or rub it in my face that I've had a difficult time.
    He's not like us (THANK GOD!!!).

    Now, those doubting times are becoming less and less. I believe its because either He will return soon or I'm going to pass away soon.
    Not entirely sure but I'm going to live my life with Him being number one.

    My mother always tells me: "He'd rather you be hot or cold. Make up your mind and choose Him. Being on the otherside is surely not a good place to be but being "lukewarm" is even worse."

    "Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters." - Matthew 12:30 (ESV)

    " “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would (I wish that) you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. ..." - Revelation 3:15-22 (ESV)

    I think she says this because in hell, those who got many opportunites to make it right but flip flopped and straddled the fence, suffer to a different degree because they knew they word and did not adhere to it.

    Well, I just thank Him for His mercy and grace and for Him giving us many chances.
    I praise Him for allowing you to go through those things in hopes of a better relationship with Him.
    You got nothing to lose (except for the sin..etc.)

    I sincerely pray that you give Him another chance, as He has given you, with all you've got.
  6. Hi Wakey :)

    He loves you and He is calling you back. Remember all the wonderful times you had with Him and how great it was? He just as wonderful as He ever was, no matter what anyone else has done or even what you have done, He is still the same and never changed. He longs to be with you again. Just run back to Him, He's drawing you.

    Jeremiah 31:3
    The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
  7. Thank you all for your replies. They each touched me in their own special way. I think the struggle, or obstacle, for me is the illogical nature of it all. Not that everything NEEDS to make sense or be logical, but it's all just so far-fetched when you really think about it. And it really goes against my happy nature to think of myself as "bad"...of a person who is a sinner who can only be saved by constantly and/or repeatedly asking for forgiveness, even when I'm not sure of every little thing I've done wrong. I feel that I can never live up to God's expectations.

    Yet I DO remember the quiet, peaceful times with Him. The amazing feeling inside just KNOWING that He was with me; that the Creator of the universe was listening to me talk...

    My earthly father is doing something very amazing for me in the coming week. I cannot get into details, but he is lifting a VERY LARGE burden from my back. He is doing it because he is dying (terminal cancer) and doesn't want to leave this world with me carrying this load, when he can do something to help relieve me of it. As I was thinking about this, I thought how strong and amazing a father's love is for his daughter that he would do this. And I quickly saw the analogy with God, and his love for us. And what he did to relieve us of the heavy load of sin. But how many people really feel that sin is a load to carry? I will be rejoicing and crying next week when the burden is lifted. But for some reason I don't feel that the sin I'm carrying is a heavy load, like this other burden has been. I wonder why that is.
  8. I have been there in a sense. Before dropping out of education, I was doing (UK) A level in physics, chemistry and maths. I was a would be scientist with a denial of God. Everything from there to believing at least that there is a God really comes down to my interpretation of events. My mind is flawed and work against perhaps both God and me but I would say I am sure on this one.

    Beyond that, I will have to leave you to the experts who have found the way.
  9. Bienvenue, Wakey!
  10. Thanks for sharing this Wakey

    When we recieve Jesus all our sins were forgiven and we don't have to remember and confess everything we ever did. He already knows and also knows your heart that you repent of it all and want Him. As far as after we are saved, we keep our mind on Him and that way we don't sin as much. If you don't deliberatly do something wrong, you don't have to try figure out if there is anything to repent of, the Holy Spirit tells us immediately. Or if we have a weak moment the minute we realize what we did we just ask His forgivenss and immediately we are in fellowship with Him, cleansed by His blood walking in fellowship. It's not a matter of works or what we do, but by grace, letting Him live through us enjoying His presence. We can talk to Him all day about whatever is going on and He leads us in His ways. We have a good God and you are precious to Him

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