Single, Glad Yet Not Glad!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Quietbird, Mar 10, 2014.

  1. I have been single all my life, never dated. And no one every asked me out. When I was in my twenties I had hopped to meet someone while working, but it never happened. Thirties came and went, same with the forties. I am now nearing mid-fifties and just do not know if I would like a partner any more.
    I am doing my family tree, and as I go back in the past I have found that quiet a few of my ancestors never married either; men and woman. So now it makes me think! is it an inheritance? For some strange reason genes that make one not marriage material was passed on. I know it's a strange thought! lol. But you cannot help wonder!

    Sometimes I think it will be nice to have a mate , very close friend. But other times not , specially after my mother, aunts, cousins and other woman have said that they did not enjoy being married. And that if they new what they were getting themselves into they would of never married, but stayed single. And after losing their husbands they were to interested in having another.

    So if marriage is so awful why did God create it? Even Apostle Paul advised it was better to be single than married.

    Why did God give Adam, Eve? Are we doing something wrong? I know the people of the world are! but Christians have we missed something?
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  2. Well Quietbird, we are in much of the same position? I am mid-forties and never been married. I know what Paul is saying is true, and I have prayed that Gods will be done. But sometimes I ask the Lord for a "good" wife. I have had relationships BC and I was not "husband" material. I was probably one of the men that your mother and aunts was so disappointed
    But I continue to hope yet not despair and I do believe that God has that one for me also? I guess what Im saying is don't feel like the lone-ranger and I feel like I "who has no wife" should pray for you? Abraham who had no children as yet prayed for those who could not bear and they where healed. Can you give me you first name?
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  3. Are we meant to be single? Or is it the circumstances that lead one to single-hood. Like many say, 'not in the right place at the right time!' I am also a loner, introvert so how on earth am I going to meet someone. I hate parties, all these dance places, bars and the churches are full off old people; for I live in a town were all the people retire to. I came here with my mother and never left. Oh! I know I am considered matured now, but certainly do not feel like it and act childish sometimes. sigh. Like you Mitspa I would like a good caring husband, someone I can go to with problems and he'll know how to solve them. A man that I can respect the way the Bible say,but also someone to play with, if you know what I mean. And at my age companionship become more important than the 3 letter word starting with s.
    Mitspa likes this.
  4. I thought I was in your shoes for the longest time. Granted I am still a young buck and I now have a companion. I got married for all the wrong reasons my first time and after the divorce I went 11 or so years without anything steady at all. This was also my heathen days and I didn't care so much for God. I finally found my Wife and we had a son in our late thirties. Granted not everything is perfect but I feel I was meant to wait for what I have now. I truly believe if I never found my wife I would be single still and probably living as a monk somewhere lol.
  5. It is not easy to find the right person. You see how people rush into marriage. Like yourself Ceile De you understand this. This was something I was afraid of as a young person. Specially when I noticed that the wrong kind of man would approach me to talk. Once at work I was called into the bosses office and told by my boss that a man had asked him about me and wanted my boss to introduce him to me. When I found out who it was and declined very quickly, he was someone that I had no interest in and there were things about him that did not appeal to me.
    I was made afraid of men by my parents, been a sensitive girl I took it all to heart and I think sub-continuously it still affects me today.
  6. Certainly man or women is incomplete without the other half.. God created Eve to make Adam complete.. Adam and Eve being together was God's plan.. God had blessed Adam and Eve to multiple.. But with fall, came all the other problems.. Even the blessing of marriage started to cause problems.. This is what Paul has to say.. If you can remain single, well and good.. But if you are burning with passion, then it is better to get married.. That was Paul's message.. I think that is the bottom line.. Being single gets rid of lot of earthly responsibilities.. But if the heart keeps on going there, then it is better to be married.. Paul goes on to say that married people should live as though they are single.. What does he mean by this.. It is about priorities.. Lack of spending time with Lord through prayers and Bible reading cannot be excused for some family commitments.. Household work is not a reason to not seek Lord diligently.. Family burdens are not an excuse to be farther away from Lord.. So it might be very well better to stay single and avoid all this altogether.. But if you can't handle it, then get married!! This is just a response to your specific question and my opinion..

    "If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin."

    Being single or married, is not a sin.. Both are okay.. One can sin by being single or married.. Paul explains that better in 7th chapter of 1 Corinthians..

    "32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

    And finally, without knowing all the personal details, I am no one to say what you should do! And I don't have personal experience to give a proper feedback also.. But based on Scripture, I can confidently say there is absolutely wrong in getting married at a later age..
  7. I don't find a way to edit my post once someone agrees or likes it! What I meant is, absolutely nothing wrong
  8. Thanks Ravindran. But like today I feel depressed, when I see other people enjoying themselves with friends and family. And here I sit looking at four walls, talking to myself or sleeping. I have lost all interest in my hobbies, my mother die last year in April we were always together. Though there were times she made me upset for she would not allow me to go out, had to cling to me all the time. For she was afraid of people, so she made me the same way!
    Now that she is gone the house is empty, I have a brother saying with me but he does his own thing and I am left alone. Easter long weekend is coming and I will be all alone, brother will not be here. And it feels like I am going mad! Oh! being single you have more time for God, but I find I am not giving my time to him. I do not read my Bible any more, still pray before I go to bed. But that's all, my mind is constantly thinking of myself and my loneliness.
    So I tried dating sites online, hopping to find friends. But everyone is out to make money and I cannot afford them. They advertise they are free till you sign up and find that only the basic membership is free. And you cannot even answer messages until you pay. Plus lots are scam, like the one I tried today. Signed up and had not even filled my profile in when I got a message saying this person has sent me a message wanting to talk. It was a scam to get me to pay up to answer the message. I canceled my membership there and then.
    Sorry for letting it all out! it helps a bit.
  9. Hey Quietbird....good to hear from you again and Im sorry your feeling so lonely.
  10. Well, one of the reasons the Lord has brought us all here together on this website is to share each other's burden.. So never ever feel bad about letting it out.. If someone is not responding properly, then that does mean you posted something wrong.. It is the other person who is unwilling to share the burden..

    I can feel your pain.. And it's probably easy for me to comment on this without going through the experience.. Stay strong in the Lord.. Hold on to Him! Do you attend any Church regularly? Church family could be of great help here.. Pray about every action you do.. because when you are confused, it is easy for the enemy to lead you into the wrong path.. Pray that the Lord will lead you and He will show his ways for your life.. As a child of God, he will take you as per His will and He has plans for your life..
  11. I can totally relate Quietbird! I'm in my late 40's, never been married nor dated and I live in a small town and go to a church that DOMINATED by married couples, old people and teens. And to top it all off, all focus is on those 3 groups. Talk about feeling left out! You may have something about the singlehood gene being passed own. Me, I'm just trying to focus on God more.
  12. My advice to young people, and I want your take, is that we should desire to love a wife or husband rather than desire one.

    If you guys have the gift of singleness you might see my point.

    By thinking about loving a mate I think it empowers us to see more value in ourselves, we focus on what we bring to another rather than what we want - sex, companionship etc.
  13. Into joy, I don't believe I have the "gift" of singleness. But we should be wanting to love a mate more, but we should strive to put God first. But I'll confess, it get's really hard to focus and be content in my being single, as Paul states, when society is so focused on couples and points everything as being good to being a "couple" and saying if you're single, you must be gay or a lesbian, of which I'm neither. But it REALLY, doesn't help when the Church can be too focused on marriage and kids. On a side note, young people have a much better and higher chance of finding a mate, than someone in their 40's and 50's.
  14. So if you ever do marry, you know that you would be giving more than receiving.
    Married people could learn this from you.
    You may have the gift of singleness but that does not mean you couldn't love a spouse. Because love is a choice. A Christian is free to marry anyone he chooses. There is no such thing as God's perfect will for who to marry. They all are. :)
    Terri A. Constant likes this.
  15. Except another man.
    Ravindran and Terri A. Constant say Amen and like this.
  16. Right
  17. Wow now have an avatar that represents the image you have formed in the mind of many of us...:D
  18. cute?
    Ravindran likes this.
  19. What are you doing up so early? Man I can help you with your sleep issues..but some of you religious folks seem to only take advice ifs its based on fear and guilt?....its frustrating to try to help those who have been trained in the ways of mans religion...:(

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