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Should I move on ? Need help...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Jeany, Jun 15, 2016.

  1. Hey all. First of all please excuse my english as it's not my mother tongue, and sorry for the long message. But I really need advice on what to do in my situation. So here's my story. I am a strong Christian and I met a strong Christian online about a year ago. We live in different countries so we have never met by now. But we would both not mind a long distance relationship that is marriage oriented, if it's meant to be.
    To start I would like to say that I do absolutely trust him on the fact that he is a serious guy & he is very engaged with God. He cares a lot about others, spread the Gospel, read the Bible a lot and we also share a lot of things about our common faith, so I am 100% sure he is not a player or a liar.

    Since the beginning, I am VERY interested in him and I let him know quite early. His reaction was to tell me that he likes me too but that it's too early to go into a relationship for him.

    The months passed by and the situation evoluated a bit, he shows interest, initiate most of the contact, compliments me, and talks about the future sometimes. We talk on whatsapp almost every day and on Skype about 2-3 times a week. I asked him if he is talking to other girls and he said no, he first want to see where it goes between us two and is not willing to meet anyone else. But when I ask him where this is going, he say that he feels for me and that he has hope for a relationship in the future between us, but he was honest about the fact that he is not in love with me yet and that it takes more time for him to go there when you don't spend physical time together (meaning not online). He say that a serious relationship (and marriage) is possible between us but he can't rush things or know what the future holds right now. But he said many times that he likes me. We are supposed to meet each other this year. He also said that if he didn't want to be with me, he would have moved on already and wouldn't be talking to me all the time. He also said that he wants to go into a relationship only when he feels he wants to marry the person.

    I feel hurt in this situation and by the uncertainty on how things will turn out between us. I told him that, but he said he can't force things and he is moving at the pace that feels natural to him, which I also understand.

    I have some insecurities and as I am really into this guy, I am always stressing out about how things are going to turn out. I pray a lot about it asking God to lead me. I know the guy is serious & sincere, but I mean it's been a long time and I am really scared that I am just wasting time and feelings for something that will never happen, if no stronger feelings develope on his side. On another side, I think that God maybe wants to use this time to work on me and on my weaknesses, to be better prepared for marriage.
    Maybe I have too many expectations for someone I haven't yet met, and I don't want to be impatient but the thing is I am 27 years old so I don't want to waste YEARS before he takes a decision to make things a bit more certain about the future, especially since I don't know if it will turn out being positive or negative.

    My question is what would you do? Do you think I should just let him more time and see where it goes, or I am wasting time and I better move on?

    Thanks a lot for reading & advices. God bless.
  2. First, welcome to the forum! :D Please take a few moments and read the Community Rules.

    About your question. Well, I don't know if what I'm going to say will help, but when I was 16 I bought an address of a Spaniard (I'm from the USA) and we wrote for 8 years. When I got stationed in the Air Force in Italy I wanted to go and meet her. We did, and 3 days later I asked her to marry me. She said yes and we've been married for 25 years now and we have 3 kids. She had just gotten saved the fall before we met so I didn't even know that because at the same time her father had died and we hadn't written in almost a year. God had set us up to be together and we put Him first right at the beginning. Even though we were engaged we didn't consummate the relationship until after the wedding because we wanted the Lord to bless our marriage - and He did.

    That's my experience, as romantic as it is. Our cultural differences were great and it took a lot for us to overcome them and we both had to give in and surrender our pride to one another. There were many rough times, but the Lord always was the center and He ensured we worked it out. Your friend may have more insecurities than you, so don't be too hard on him for being slow. Maybe he is fighting his own culture by even having a long distant relationship. Either way, as long as you both want the Lord and keep your focus on Him, He'll work it all out.

    Proverbs 3:6 (KJV)
    In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ​

    God bless.
    Case, Phoenix111, Cturtle and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  3. Hey Abdicate. Thanks so much for your reply and for sharing your amazing experience. It does help :) but it is difficult for me to understand that it can take so long for someone to take a decision (talking about my situation).
  4. Hi Jeany,
    I learned and it took a long time for me to learn this but any way sometimes these delays are meant for our good.

    My advice is to truly seek God in this.
    If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

    Now this verse goes on into totally believing that God will give you this wisdom.

    This means it is a prayer of faith which in turn brings Mark 11:22-25 into play.

    22 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.

    23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.

    24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

    25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

    Thus with these verses in Mark we can grasp what James goes on to say in 1:6-7
    6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

    7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.

    The point I am showing you is simply this. Read these scriptures in mark and James over and over and speak them out loud to your self until you give birth to faith that you know you will get your answer.

    Then take these scriptures to Him in prayer and base your prayer on His promises here and settle it right there that you will not ever act or speak against the fact you have your answers.

    Now since we must believe we received the answer we must put action to it. Meaning do not ever ask about that again.

    Go to prayers of thanksgiving and worship. If I asked you to give me a new fishing lure and you promised me that you would. If I value your word then I know I have that new lure and won't ask any more but if I doubt I will get it then I will keep on asking you and that says I don't trust your promise.

    I know this is long but it is your heart at stake here is it not. So find out God's desire in this. May be the right spouse and then again might be the spouse that destroys His plan for you.

    Thats what I learned......after several bad choices that I Chose.
    Case, Phoenix111 and Cturtle says Amen and like this.

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