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Should I leave my church?

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by 3rdSky, Jan 30, 2007.

  1. Should I leave my church?

    When I got married I moved with my wife to her hometown and we now go to her church where her parents are the pastors. We have been married for over a year now and that's the same amount of time I have been a member of their church.

    At first, I saw some things that I didn't like and that nobody addressed (or so it seemed) but I was trying to keep my eyes on the Lord and not anybody else. After a while, I just started to get really annoyed by all the same things I still see happening and that nobody seems to take control over, not even the pastor. Now... the pastor is my father-in-law, and I love him, he's a great person. But I've been feeling, for a while now, that maybe we should go to another church where both my wife and I feel comfortable.

    I have told my wife about the things that bother me about the church but I have not told her I've been thinking about us going to another church yet. I think she would feel offended if I told her that. But on the other hand, my spiritual life is getting affected by this situation. I know I know, I should not let it get to me, I should keep my eyes on the Lord, but the fact is that I don't even wanna go to church and when I go I feel like i'm being dragged against my will.

    Don't know what to do?! I love the Lord, He's given me so much, and a great wife. I feel bad inside to be even thinking these things, but I don't know what to do.
  2. Marriage is filled with compromises... including religion, in some cases. The determination to stay or leave is ultimately your decision, but that decision should be arrived at with discernement and prayers to Our Father for His guidance. As a non-denominational Christian Pastor, I can not advise you as to which church to attend or not to attend. However, please know that there is a possibility that God may have a plan for YOU to be just where you are, so seeds of enlightenment can be sown. Think carefully about how your decision, whatever it may be, will affect your loved ones... and procede slowly with clarity, intellect, compassion and love.

    Blessings to you...
  3. The situation you are in is unique, but it is no accident; that is for sure. You are going to have to use wisdom that goes beyond yourself. That's Ok -- the Holy Spirit will help out on that.

    But, don't do anything until you are certain it is from the Holy Spirit. Absolutely certain. The enemy wants to play games with this -- don't let it happen.

    Go slow. Be sure. When you do have an answer that goes beyond yourself, then most likely, that is it, what you are supposed to do.

    In the mean time, you might consider something supplemental to help out with the spiritual life -- maybe a home cell group, or a pray group with a para-church organization.

    M Paul
  4. I've seen many cases where the pastor is the father, grandfather, or some other relative of various other members in the church. As a family both in Christ and in blood, it can be a great situation. It can also make everyone else feel like an outsider. Pray, and discuss it with your wife definitely.

    I guess my question would be, if (when..there is always a when eventually) you and your wife have any problems with your relationship, who can you go to? It's very odd to bring it to your pastor who happens to be her father as well. Even personal councelling and growth in your own life. I do occassionally discuss minor things with my grandfather, but I find that because it's me, he gives me different advice than he might give another Christian. So I always go to my own pastor, or one of the decons. Do you have someone that you could take problems to and know it would stay out of the family?
  5. Leaving one church and going to another is not a magor issue. It doesn't require a declaration, or balance statement, justification or excuses. I can see were having family gathered under one roof could get awkward at times. The father inlaw migh feel more at ease with a little distance. You might want to discus it with him and get his feelings.
    I can't say as I have any experience with your situation.
    As close as I can relate to it is that in relationship to my brothers in Christ. I have two brothers ,one a pastor, that I am real close with. We met in a small congregation that literally self destructed about six years ago. We all three went differant directions but kept in touch over the years. One thing we discovered is that when we get together we have a lot more to talk about. Our get togethers are much more fruitful when we bring in input from our separate experiences. It's varied rather than rehashing over stuff we already know about. It could make your relationship with the father inlaw better.
    Just something to think about.
  6. If you're getting annoyed by things within the church then you have to do something about them. Something important to remember is that there will be problems within every church, large or small. Leaving often won't solve anything, it will just make it somebody else's problem (*that is, if it's a problem within the community and not with the theology. I don't know what the problems are that you're talking about*). I think you should talk to your father-in-law about it honestly, address the problems you have, and see if you can initiate the change. If things don't get better, then yes, maybe it is time to leave.
  7. 3rd sky you and your wife should come togeather and pray about this. Pray until you hear from God and both have peace about your decision, remember:
    Rom 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
    God's wonderful Holy Spirit will lead you to the right place, the only place you will be happy and that is the place He has for you.
  8. Don't be to hasty to leave your church.

    Many people left their churches in to much of a hurry and ended up not going to church anymore at all, which is not a good idea.
    We need fellowship in a local church, without it we don't grow in our Christian life. Believe me, like so many, I have been there!
  9. have you read CS Lewis' brilliant satire called "The Screwtape Letters" ? I think of this book because in it, the demon that is assignerd to his "patient" who eventually converts to Chrsitianity... well he (the demon "Srewtape" does get into a bit of trouble from his senior demon, Wormwood, but they don't worry too much about it because they have ahd lots of success (the demons) in bringing people down soon after they start going to church.... the demons try to get people focused on that "ridiculous hat" Mrs. so and so is wearing, or how badly Mr so and so sings off key..... etc etc... the insight Lewis has is really eye opening and may help you deal with some of the issues that you are facing at your church..... of course, the flip side to this is this: if the church is no longer being faithful to the Scriptures, ie becoming heretical, the you are to leave, you can't be unequally yoked and if you do not think you are in a situation where the leadership will "hear" you concerning your issues, you have a moral obligation to come out from among them.... your wife, then, has the obligation to follow you whereever it is you go.... she may not like it at first, but if you start going to a biblically sound church, then she should come around pretty quickly.... provided that is where her heart is at, if not, then it is all the more reason for you to go to a biblical faithful church, and you, as the spiritual leader, have a moral obligation before God to make sure you do all that you can to ensure this, and if you have kids you have that responsibility as well as the priest amd spiritual head of your household, to make sure they are brought up in as biblically faithful environment as possible.... so it really all depends on the reason you have for wanting to leave the church.....

  10. I have attended 5 churches over the years- a traditional church, then one split off from that one in a revival, then a inner city ministery, then a legalistic church I like to think of a crucible- and finally my (awesome) church home now- each one was a part of what I needed to learn (although some were more painful than others) and overall I believe this broad expeirience helped to prepare me to empathize and minister to people of many different backgrounds. The only one I really didn't enjoy was the legalistic one- I went in with the faith of an apostle and came out a beat up mess but it did help me understand the peolpe who are in bondage to this type of system and by the grace of God help them to be free.
    I would like to add that these transitions were not done lightly and sometimes with tears but each time I had a witness in my spirit that this was the course laid out for me.
  11. great advice Gary!!!!

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