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should christians even date?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by pryze, Oct 25, 2008.

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  1. should christians even date?

    yea, im just putting the question out there ive been wondering this,...should christians be dating with no expectation or inclination of a marriage prospect just be dating to be dating....dating with those expectations is courtship. I dont know beacuse a lot of christians I know say that we should not and that we need to focus on getting to know HIM first....I dont know what do you think?
  2. Hi Pryze

    My opinion only:)...

    I believe that as long as you are upfront about your beliefs and values, there is no harm in dating. I am, however, referring to the kind of dating that does not include intimate relations; I just thought I would throw that in since these days, more often than not, "dating" means a lot more than just going out and doing different activities together. And by the way, getting to know HIM first is the right thing to do, but that should be a daily activity for all of us since it will take a life time here and all eternity in Heaven to REALLY get to know HIM. Jesus came that we might have and enjoy our life and that more abundantly, so I don't think there is any harm in going out for a movie or a latte or a meal, etc. But like I said, my opinion...

  3. What??? I think the question here is to define "dating". If your really young and you happen to meet a person of the opposite sex who you have things in common with and can be friends and would enjoy an activity together, that does not have to be a "heavy, oh my goodness date". This is just going out together as friends and enjoying a moment in time, interchanging thoughts having conversation and enjoying an activity together and keeping it light and fun.
    As you are young sounding, it is good to have lots of those experiences, they help you understand yourself and others better. It helps you to understand relationship building. And relationship building can be with any human, man or women. Relationship building does not mean, opposite gender or sexual experience. Relationship building simply means learning to understand others as your learning to understand yourself. Remember God made man in our own image. He really loves us, and he loves how we interact with each other, he wants us to worship him together. If you focus on "only" getting to know him first. And then when your "ready" for this "dating" thing--and I don't know how "you" define it, then you will be so behind the understanding of relationships, (general human interactions). And that my dear will have other issues for you.
  4. Dating is a natural progression of life. Would you rather have your parents choose your future spouse?:confused:
  5. What would be best, us to choose a spouse, or God to provide one? The question is, can God bring two people together without us helping, by dating?
  6. Yes, God can bring two people together, but we have to help, by praying for the gift of discernment. The Holy Spirit in you will guide you to the right person. When your around someone and the small voice tells you, "not good", you have listen to it. When your around someone and the small voice tells you "this is a good thing". then you continue with developing that relationship. But you do have to get out there. But, because we are given free choice and we all have hormones which surge naturally, that is another area we need to pray about. "Finding the right spouse", is a huge, huge, topic in itself. Besides finding one of your same religious beliefs. You yourself have to self examine, how were you brought up? What exposure you had as a child, young adult in your own family, the interactions of your parents, play a lot on how you think a relationship should be or not be. And then there is the interactions you had with your siblings, or are you an only child. And like wise that "spouse" person comes with all those experiences. Just because your a good Christian, does not mean you will make a good spouse. Marriage is tough, it is work. Enjoy being single, go to college, travel, get involved with church groups, gather friends.
  7. Through GOD all is possible, including dating. I guess I am having a hard time figuring out when and how this little voice tells us who is for us and who is not without first knowing the other person. Not to get carried away here, but one can date without what sounds like your concern.

    We all have our beliefs, most likely taught from childhood, and it is good that we have different opinions. GOD Bless You!:D
  8. I've considered dating, but ultimately, the mentality behind dating (as opposed to courting) seems very contrary to my spiritual growth. There are plenty of girls I could "date", but could never marry, so I wonder, why bother dating? Would I just be creating temptation in my life? In my mind, dating is a very casual thing, while courtship is about looking for your future partner. So why date someone you aren't interested in? Security? Lust?

    If it isn't either of those, and it isn't for the prospect of a permanent relationship, then why date? It's better to just be friends.
  9. From the above two statements I gleamed two phrases I'd like to explore here--the one being "first knowing the other person" and the other being "its better to just be friends"
    And as a side note: AC--please rephrase your sentence:"but one can date without what sounds like your concern." (I am not understanding it)

    Knowing the other person: in interacting with any human the "knowing the other person" involves good listening skills, asking the right questions, observing how they interact with others, gathering information of what they do in their everyday life, what their family is like etc. If you are observant and "listen" truly "listen" you can achieve this is a very short time. Many time we are not good listeners, or good observers. While someone is talking, we barely listen to them because we are thinking of what we are going to say to them. Or we want to talk about ourselves, our opinions, our thoughts. Lets face it, we know about ourselves, in interactions we are there to find out about the other person. Have you ever been out on a date, and when you got home, you said to yourself, Boy, I just talked all night. So think about it, "you" just talked all night, the other did not, so the other was never cued to open up, the other got what they wanted "they" got to know you.

    "Its better to just be friends" ---and why not start a relationship as good friends? Where do you find a good friend? A friend usually pops up in familiar similar places that you like to go to. A friend can be closer than a brother. Staying friends for a while is a nice stress free way of getting to know each other. If each of you want to be around each other as "friends", that is more than half the battle won in a relationship.
    Why worry about, is there a "spark" there, can we more than friends. If you gather enough friends around you, sooner or later something will spark up further with one of them, it will be right. Now you have to define "what is a friend".

    By the way, yes Ban, I understand the "there are the girls you date and the girls you marry, visa versa, dear, there are the boys you date and the "men" you marry.
    You your self said "girls" not "women", and dear, there is a difference.
    Just like there is a difference between "boys" and "men". Although for the sake of this thread I won't go into this. Recently I read a good book, "What Husbands wish their wives knew about men" by Patrick Morley, really good.
  10. You are picking on semantics here. I say girls and boys. I rarely ever say men and women. Men and women in my world are grandparents or politicians, every one else are boys and girls.

    But again, I ask "why date"? If you are just friends, and it turns into something, that's great. You go from friends to courting, that's not only acceptable, but wonderful if you can make it happen and not ruin the friendship in the process. But dating, is a bit like a buffet. You try out different people looking for one that "sticks". The problem with that, is much the same as other problems we have with American culture, you learn to be dissatisfied with the person you are with and continue looking for something better.

    Remember, the OP stated the difference between dating and courting, and I'm focusing on that difference. Dating, as I defined it, is casual. In the world, they date, sometimes multiple people in the same week. I've dated, and I've found, there are a lot of things I'm a bit too willing to do if there is no commitment attached to it.

    As it is, I never ask anyone out anymore because I don't really know where any of it will lead. I'm not interested in "dating", but I'm not sure if I'm going to ever get married again or not. That takes a lot of trust, and until I know what direction my life is going to head, it's better to stay single unless I meet someone who is truly worth falling in love with.
  11. I believe some of what you stated is intertwined in my first entry. And I won't elaborate that further now.

    Your statement interested me---"you learn to be dissatisfied with the person you are with and continue looking for something better." Just wondering how one learns to do that.

    The other part of your statement: Actually the last, I actually commend you for that insight. Because I view your statement as saying, "I want to sit back a little first and have God work with me to help me understand me, and understand what relationships are, before I try the waters again." And that is great to see that need in yourself.

    Is the boy/girl thing really semantics? As your exploring yourself, try this, say to yourself, today I will conduct myself as a Christian Man, and I will speak with women as a Christian Man. Or say, I am a man today, and the women I work with are women.
    Any such statements where, your mind is breathing in the words Man and Women.
    Just see what happens.
  12. I believe that dating is essential to knowing who you are with. however, i dont believe that casual dating is a good option. its just presenting more temptation than needed. i think some christians marry just for the sex, because thats what we are taught. (sex before marriage is wrong!) however, some christians are sooo focused on that they hurry and get married and have a horrible marraige. i've seen it. so i think dating with the intent of something serious is the way to go. moderation.

    PS... oh noes!!!! red ring of death is not a good halo achievement.... :( there goes my killing spree... ;)
  13. I am battling with this myself. I recently had my heart broken from a relationship, so I am taking this time to grow with God. Truly, I think that before anyone tries to get in a relationship with another person, they need to be strong in Christ. With a relationship comes many temptations, worries, etc. You NEED God before you find another person. So focus on Him, and pray for Him to bring that right person in your life. First walk with God, then everything else will fall into place.
  14. Since the originator of this thread has not been back since the date that this thread was started, the CFS staff is closing the thread at this time. If and when Pryze returns to view the contents of this thread, it can be opened again for discussion.

    Thank you.
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