Saying No ....

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Lee-Ann, Nov 9, 2015.

  1. Hi, My husband and I are have a weekly bible reading evening with another couple. This couple is not my cup of tea but I have tried for for the last 10 months to continue with the reading and to incorporate the couple (and their children) as friends. I feel I need to continue because I started the group, it is my Christian duty and my husband is really enjoying the bible readings. I have caught the husband staring at me in the funniest way (not sexually) just intensely and when they have been guests at hour house I am not relaxed or enjoying their company. Outside of our faith I don't have much in common with the wife and would very much like to say keep our visits only about the bible study. I recently told my my husband all this and we now have fights about its as he disagrees with me and this is bothering me. I want to say no to a recent invitation to a birthday lunch. I know that we will be providing most of the food and as she has already asked us when we are inviting them back to our house it will be our turn to host a lunch next. I feel so unChrist like with this attitude of mine but I just cannot make myself like this family more than casual acquaintences with whom we can study the bible with. Any outsider thoughts are welcome. I have been wrestling with this for so long I don't know if I am seeing the issues clearly anymore. Thank you
    Angela333 likes this.
  2. I guess the biggest question is why are they offensive to you? (Not your cup of tea)

    The biggest thing in our lives is to love others. In fact it is a commandment and in 1 John it says that if you cannot love your brother and sister whom you can see how can you say that you love the Father whom you cannot see (1Jn 4:20)? In my thoughts this is an area that God is desiring for you to grow in. And is something that you need to repent of and ask the Father for some help, in loving this couple and their children like He does.

    A verse that really hit me hard one night was
    John 14:21
    He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

    By my not walking in love towards others i was disobeying one of God's commands. And thus not showing Him that i love Him like i say i do. And if i am in disobedience then God cannot manifest Himself to me. Its time to use the love that God shed abroad into your heart (Romans 5:5) when you accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. See you are not loving them with your natural love, but with the Father's love that is supposed to be shining and flowing through you. A good measuring stick is 1 Corinthians 13. It shows us where to correct our thinking and if we meditate on it enough it will get very far down into our spirits that it will just flow out in abundance (matt. 12:34b). It's an area that if we desire to please God, then we have to by faith tell our flesh (mind, will and emotions) to submit to the Father's will. It will take a little time, but as you renew your mind to God's will in this matter it will get easier. :)

    God bless
    Ranabanana, SkyWord, Angela333 and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  3. That is what I am struggling with .... following God's commandment to love one another. I don't hate this couple, we have supported this family financially and I have no problem continueing the bibly study. I don't know if "offensive" is the right word but the way the husband stares at me is off-putting. The disrespect the parents have for my home rubs me up the wrong way. Their hygiene is an issue for me. These are superficial reasons for sure and I recognise that so what do I do? Why can I not just do bible study with the family - do I have to be friends with them too, especially if it causes me discomfort? It does not help that my husband and I are arguing over this either.
  4. Yikes, just re-read 1 Corinthians 13 ....... how do I reconcile the Word of God with how the husband makes me feel?
  5. "Love thy neighbor" does not in any way state or imply that you must associate with them.
    Just as with my neighbors.
    I am cordial when we meet, but I do not go out of my way to meet them.
    When I have surplus vegetables I offer them some.
    If their cat gets lost I help look for it.
    If I saw them stuck on the side of the road I would stop and help.
    Otherwise I do my level best to ignore them.
    Major likes this.
  6. I think it is just too personal to seek advice from anyone else. Me and my wife have gone through this so many times. It is not something straight forward to say this is how you will become family friends with someone! Yes, we should love our neighbors. At the same time, God has a perfect plan for each and everyone. Part of that is, whom we interact with. There are people out there who need you and there are people whom you need to be with. Lord knows that perfectly. In our flesh we often try to resist the plans God has for us. Because He wants to take things by faith and not by sight. He does not show us this is the way for us, instead asks us to trust in Him that the way He is taking us is the perfect one. What I am really saying is, pray about it! :) If it is God's will and plan that you spend more time with them, He will change your heart. If not, He will take care of it! As simple as that. We have seen both happen in our lives. We have seen people change, we have seen us changing, we have seen people removed from our lives. Trust in God and seek His will. Actually, that is the biggest hurdle. Us putting trust in God.
    Let me share a small testimony. My wife used to have weekly ladies prayer meeting at hour house. We were in apartment then. It was just a few ladies. Everything went well for few weeks. Then things did not go too well. More time went in ladies talk and very less in prayer. They all had kids in school. They would come in morning, spend some time talking and little prayer, have lunch (wife cooks for all of them), go for shopping, come back, have coffee or something, talk for some more time and leave home. My wife had a baby just then and my daughter was really young. I was so upset with the way things were going. Because it was simply not fair on my wife. She is doing it for right reason - to have prayer meeting. I felt like people were exploiting her. It got worst when they left their kids at home and went for shopping! I was so furious and was about to step in to stop it completely. My wife is very wise spiritually! (way better than me!) She said we should only pray about it. She was doing it wholeheartedly. She did have trouble and sometimes complaint. But soon she realized if that is what Lord has put in her life, she will accept it wholeheartedly. When I finally came to terms with it, it came to an end. We never stopped it. But things changed for everyone and they all stopped. It is a sad thing that a prayer meeting got stopped. But it was good in many ways because it was not really a prayer meeting that was happening! I don;t know if Lord was just being patient with everyone, giving them a chance to not miss out on a blessing. But He always takes care of His children (y)
    chili and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  7. #7 Cturtle, Nov 9, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015

    Just do whatever Jesus would do. You don't have to be best friends, but letting the love of God (with no favortism) shine through you is the most important. When you yield to the love of God flowing through you then it will be much easier to answer those questions. You won't have to even ask if you have to be their will just be Father, how would you like for me to minister to them. And when we allow God's love to flow through us then there is no discomfort. Just God's pure love, in a brotherly kind of way.

    This is an area that almost every person needs developing in. I for one am still every day working on this too. So don't think that you are the only one. It takes practice in making our flesh to do what it does not want to. It takes practice in casting down the thoughts that come, and make you cringe or judge the things about them. But the more you yield to the love of God flowing through you the easier it will get.

    The things that bother you are very valid. But for some reason this couple needs some help in a few areas. They may not realize that their children are disrespectful to your house. I have a verse that i quote and found comfort in regarding my things, because i used to fear them being broken. I committed them to God and trusted Him to take care of them.
    Psalms 16:5
    Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
    You guard all that is mine.

    God is there to protect your things. Especially when they are consecrated to Him. If you have something that is irreplaceable then make sure it is put out of reach or sight. Then put the rest of your things in God's capable hands. Its very important to Him for you to minister to this family.

    Maybe asking God to supply the money for a nice bath set for the wife would help in the hygiene department. Most people are just doing the best that they can. And are not doing things on purpose. But in our minds we tend to think that way which is a trick from the enemy.

    As far as the husband staring at you....ask God to reveal the truth about what is behind it. And put it in His hands. Might have to somehow ignore it for a while. It just may be something that the enemy is doing so as to stop God's love from flowing to and through you. And thr man does not even realize he is doing it.
  8. Seems to me that your husband should respect the feelings that you have. You are a Christian and God speaks to us in many ways. Feeling uncomfortable could be the Holy Spirits way of warning you about something. I personally would be very wary of this person because all of these feelings are coming from somewhere and my dear sister, where there is smoke, there is always a fire.
    Cturtle and Angela333 say Amen and like this.
  9. Lord I just pray for Lee-Ann and her husband, that he would honor her greatly and see that something is going on in the spiritual realm that needs to stop and the Kingdom of God needs to come down now into Lee-Ann home and from now on the enemy can not come with that couple, only You Jesus and Your army, everything will change, Bloooow, Holy Spirit in Power and Love, and Honor, we love you Jesus sooooooo much, Amen!
    Lee-Ann, chili and Cturtle says Amen and like this.
  10. In Jesus name, amen!
    Lee-Ann and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  11. Greetings:
    That's a bad situation.Looks like your stuck.Here's my advice:get-Fox's Book Of Martyrs.Put your picture
    in it as a bookmark.If someone helps,then you know how much to pay the board.
  12. "He will take care it" Such a peaceful and anxiety reducing sentence, thank you.
    Cturtle and Ravindran say Amen and like this.
  13. Amen and thank you!
    Cturtle likes this.
  14. I also found two bible verses 1 Peter 4:9 and 1 Peter 5:5-7 which have helped me. I certainly don't see myself as someone who is proud or as Cturtle mentioned in verses from John and Romans, not sowing/living God's love or following/living His commandments. Still just because I don't see myself a certain way does not mean I am not being a certain way :oops: To everyone who took the time to answer my question, thank you so very much (y)
    Cturtle and Angela333 say Amen and like this.
  15. I think the most important thing is to get before the Father and ask Him what to do. Find your peace within Him and keep peace between you and your husband. The devils main objective is to cause disruption and strife. Then the door is open for him to attack your home and relationship. Its a way to get his evil foot in the door. And when that happens, the Word that is being read in your home becomes unfriuitful. Meaning it is more difficult to have the Holy Spirit flowing when there is strife, or offense. And there becomes a block in some way, and people are not ministered to.

    Its great that you have found those verses to give you peace. We will be praying that God fives you the solution to all you need Him to take care of. Something also that you can do is to pray that your husbands eyes will be opened to anything that is amiss. So that you both are in agreement and unity.

    God bless

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