Santa's a Woman

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dusty, Dec 6, 2007.

  1. Santa's a Woman

    [​IMG][FONT=arial,helvetica] Santa's A Woman [/FONT][​IMG][​IMG]

    [​IMG] think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

    For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

    Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

    Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

    Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

    Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

    - Men can't pack a bag.
    - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
    - Men don't answer their mail.
    - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
    - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
    - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
    - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
  2. wow...really good point...i agree entirely!:santa:
  3. Not to many women I know would want to dirty thier red dress sliding down a chimney. Also they would spend to much time trying to decide who is naughty or nice. And just think how long it takes the average lady to by a pair of shoes and one outfit let alone gifts for the whole planet- no santa is to quick a shopper to be a woman.
  4. Well I agree with the original post but I also agree with Boangeres post so my thinking is that the saying "Behind every good man is a great woman" is the only logical explanation. Think about it. I don't really think theres a conspriracy at's not that different than that of today. Mrs. Clause worked hard to train Santa right. I think while the kids are setting on Santa's lap all of the mom's and women should be getting tips from Mrs. Clause!
  5. Looking at Santa's waistline I will assume she is a good cook!

  6. :eek::eek::eek::eek: Shot down. !!!!!! He He .........Chalk one up for you my son.
  7. Not Necasarily, didn't any of You see "The Sanata Claus," ( I think ), or one of those movies,
    in which somehow the Chiminy just opens wider, like a time portal thing?????
    So that shoots the whole "won't get their dress dirty," down,
    and into the category for an argument as "A dog that just won't hunt!!!!!!!!!!!!":D
  8. satan comes in many forms to divide us.
  9. True, but we are just being playfull?????? There is no

    Santa Claus???? So what does a little Humour, about a

    non existant Character's sex have to do with anything???

    "There is no Santa Claus, Virginia," so am I missing

  10. ^^ Guys, check out the section of the post this is in. Try not to take it so seriously.

    That being said, Santa's definitely a guy. I'm pretty sure the whole things started with so guy just trying to get one present to a friend, and got so lost he had to visit every single house just to get tehre.
  11. Thanks Bro Ban.... Yes, you guys.... Look .... this is the humour side. Just take it all with a grain of salt and throw it over your shoulder..... He He .... Don't be so serious. We have to have some good Christian fun.

    Cheers to you all and lets just laugh and lighten up. I know Santa is a guy. Hey it's just a joke you all.

  12. Actualy I thought the real Santa, originaly was St.
    Nicoluas, who left samll pouches of money for some poor
    people at Christmass???????

    I don't know if a rumour was started, that the pouches
    were thrown down Chiminies, which would be silly, unless
    there was no fire in them????? And even if not, if ashes
    were scouped up and thrown out, a small pouch could
    accidently get scouped up and thrown out also?????

    So I thought a lot of it were rumours and embelishments
    which were added later to St. Nicolaus?????
  13. st nicholas day was dec 16th i think.
  14. [​IMG]DUSTY THAT IS ADORABLE!!!! Had me laughing hard!

    This Santa-thing reminded me of something my Mom used to yell at my dad...

    "If women made car parts, they'd come in different colors and they'd snap right on!"

  15. That's funny Whirlwind. I would love to meet your mom. I have heard so much about her.
  16. Just some historical information concerning the true beginnings of the "Santa Claus" or "Saint Nicolas" character and how it has changed very little over the past 1700 years.
  17. Santa a woman??? No way:eek:

    Can't be. . . Because. . .

    Santa doesn't have nearly enough mood swings to be a woman.

    Tonka trucks arn't pink and GI Joe isn't dressed in lavender.

    The north pole isn't Walmart.

    There is no way,:sad01_anim:
    if Santa was a woman that she would be seen in public with a waist line that big, admitting to an age of more than 29, and weighing over 129, riding in an open top box behind a dozen nasty deer, and with gray hair showing:confused:
    Just ain't about to happen:rolleyes:

  18. Three Cheers to you Cliff.

  19. Wow, Theo-, I think I might quietly laugh, but also sit this
    one out, and pretend I was not even there, incase a bunch
    of Anger-Sharks, come a knocking your way. :D

    Of cource, I don't know how "Bright" of Me that was, to
    deny I was even in the vacinity of Your jokes, and then
    post the same.:D

    But then again I am not the Sharpest Cookie in the box,
    the Brigthest knife on the wall, nor the tastiest Crayon in
    the box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

    And I have been accused of being one lamb chop shy of
    being a maixed-grill!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
  20. Which suddenly made me think of THIS song.


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