Running in circles...a couple questions! Okay. These are terrible questions, but the thing is, I dont really know where to start. I am thinking maybe if I just ask whats truly on my mind, then it can start a dialog that will help me. Heres a little background, I started my life out as Catholic, then bounced around all the denominations with my family growing up, everything from Pentecostal to Lutheran. I ended up getting really frustrated with Christianity, and have recently been really interested in Judaism. But still, there are a lot of things that just dont sit right with me and Judaism. So then, all of the sudden, I am thinking about Christianity again. I dont know why. I dont know if its because I miss the familiarity and the old "This is right" feeling I used to have before I started really learning about religions, or if its because of something more. My biggest problems are the hypocrisy in Christianity. Some of the meanest, most immoral people I have ever known were "Christians". I also have a problem with how much Christians judge people and a whole slew of things....how does a religion carry so so so many bigoted, ignorant people and not be terribly flawed? Also, I have a hard time with Jesus. Okay. So thats a problem being that this is Christianity. But I have actually started thinking about it, I actually took a moment to really think and not just follow because everyone else. Is Jesus really the messiah? All the things promised, mainly the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, didnt happen. In fact, people have honestly just gotten meaner and meaner. There was a huge disconnect with the massive change and revolution that Jesus urged, and what actually happened. How I see it now is, the whole reason why the idea of the Kingdom of Heaven got shifted to an afterlife idea is because people just gave up trying to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to life...and decided it was only possible in death. Then Jesus went from being a revolutionary to a spiritual being. Jesus was urging to bring change now, and instead Christianity today seems like it all got pushed into "Wait, wait wait....wait to die then you'll have your Kingdom". This isnt messianic to me, this is a religion that based itself around a wonderful revolutionary who was trying to bring into fruition the ideals of Judiasm, then turned him into a magical, all powerful being because those ideals never panned out. Obviously, youre all going to say I am wrong, but I want that, I want to know how you answer this. I am not trying to bash, I am really saying this is how I think, but I want answers. I want to start a dialoge. I am so so so far out of the loop with Christianity, but something makes me want to understand it. I dont know. Help?