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Relationships & Love?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by LiveLoveLife9898, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. Hello everyone! I'm new to this forum, and I just want to say I'm so glad to be interacting with all of you. As with all of you, I'm definitely in some need of advice. Past experiences would be helpful.

    So, I've been definitely going back and forth with God on this topic for SO long, and I know I should probably follow His advice, but I guess you could say I'm on the fence. I just can't, or at least, won't. This was kind of hard for me to write, so please bear with me a bit.

    It's the topic of marriage.

    I am not cooperating with Him. Not much at all. I have been closed-minded to the idea of a relationship for a long time. I remember I used to want one so badly when I was younger, and think part of why I didn't want one anymore was because no one every seemed to actually care about me, and then another part was the fear of getting hurt and nobody would ever be there to help me though it. I think another part is my old friendships. I've never really had a stable amount of friends, specifically some who can share my faith. What I mean by stable is that if have friends for a little bit, then they'd ditch me or talk about me behind my back/hurt my feelings without really caring about what would happen to me, just as long as I was out of their lives. Maybe the better picture is that they cared if I was upset, but they wanted me out of their life. But then, it raises the question of how it could be caring? I've just had really bad experiences. I mean, I have friends now, both who share my faith and those who don't, but it's definitely taken time for me to trust them. I'm still in the process of opening up.

    It's been like this for years. I know I'm only 18, but I literally built an iron wall on all four sides of my heart, 3 feet thick, completed with a nice roof on the surface. I've definitely have had crushes in the past, and I did always want them to ask me out, but they never did. I also found myself, specifically in my relationship with God when I first started out with one, I always either was open or I closed my doors shut. One day, I was open. The next, I pushed Him away and ended up crying. I hadn't ever felt comfortable being vulnerable with anyone, even God. It was very difficult for me to open up to Him, even though He basically knew everything about me. It took several weeks/ a few months before I felt comfortable. It was a daily struggle. Even now, I have my doubts, but it is much better than what it was in the past. Same thing with my friends. It's gotten better, but at first I never told them anything. Ever.

    It's like I want a relationship, but I don't. If someone were to get too close for comfort, I would want run away and shut everything down. I want to be independent and not rely on anyone, but then something tugs on me to slow down and be open to letting a guy in. Then once I realize the cost, I hit the brakes and flee. It's like I'm in a war.

    I think it's a fear problem.

    I know what you're thinking: "She's only 18! She has time!" And you're right; I do. I'm not looking to get married right now. I'm going to college. I need to get my degree. I need a job. I think God's just pushing for me to be open, you know? I don't think in college, if someone asked me out, He would want me to automatically shut them out or ignore them. He's had me to go through the book of Proverbs for traits in a potential spouse, and I've gotten through quite a bit. I think He's just trying to prepare me, but I'm just not ready. It's somewhere I'm not comfortable, and I just really need some time. I'm not sure if this is something I really want. I don't want to end up marrying someone who makes me cry the next night.

    Also, I have absolutely no experience in dating, nor do I know anything about what to do if someone likes me back, or how to eliminate a person from a potential spouse, or anything about compatibility.

    I guess my real question is: Is this really going to be worth it? Sorry this is soooo long.
  2. Welcome to cfs livelovelife,
    First off
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    Two things come to mind here
    1. You say you know you should listen to God ........best advice you could ever get.

    Sitting on the fence is a dangerous place to be. It tends to leave you on your own since you are not settled either way.

    Here is something to chew on.
    You need a Relationship Yes I said you need!!

    However you would do very well to build this relationship with the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.

    I believe you are wrestling with your self in this and if you would spend intimate time with Jesus you would find your self at peace and right where you need to be.

    Take God up on the pushing and draw close to Him.

    It is really as simple as this
    Proverbs 16:3 amp

    Roll your works (cares) upon the Lord ( commit and trust them wholly to Him ; He will cause your (my) Thoughts to become agreeable to His will ) So then shall your (my) plans be Established ( understood directions) and Succeed ( make the correct choice or action )

    Just relax and cast these cares over on to Him and melt in His loving arms.

    Other wise my friend you will just end up driving your self crazy and make some bad choices.

    Let it go and let God direct your steps. I hope this helps
    Welcome again
    LiveLoveLife9898, loriT and Cturtle says Amen and like this.
  3. Welcome to cfs! Blessings to you.

    I have one question for you at this time....how do you know that it is God telling you that you have to get married? Or to prepare for a relationship?

    In my thoughts, as I read your post...I feel as if your not fighting God, but yourself. You see lots of times we can have a thought that is not from God, and if we don't realize it, it just causes strife and a lack of peace within us.

    Several times this has happened to me and now I have learned to ask God (The Holy Spirit) to reveal the truth to me, so that I can find peace.

    I do agree with fcj that the relationship that first and foremost you should be working on is one with Jesus. Allowing the Holy Spirit to peacefully lead you into whatever He has in store for you later.

    God does not and will not force you to do anything you are not comfortable with. He knows where you are in life and emotions, and is a total gentleman. He is your peace if you will allow Him to be. And when He leads...it will be with peace.

    Praying for you to find the answers and peace you seek
    God bless you abundantly
    LiveLoveLife9898 likes this.

  4. Thank you both so much for your answers! I started to relax some since seeing the answers, and spent a lot more time with God and Jesus the past day or two.

    To answer your question Cturtle, I could tell that God was calling me to one because I got into avoiding relationships under my own power, if that makes sense. I didn't ask God how He felt about it. I couldn't ever say that God wanted me to avoid them or I was never meant to be in one, because then I felt like I was lying. Though before I got to that point, I wasn't like that. After some bad experiences, I told myself I wouldn't ever let myself have feelings for anyone else, let alone let anyone else in. I shut down completely, and once I started forming my relationship with Jesus, He tried to help me open that back up. He tried to convince me that not everything was how I saw it, and that the picture I saw wasn't an accurate representation of what marriage or relationships were supposed to be. I agree with both you & Fish Catcher Jim on fighting myself. I am fighting myself. I'm afraid of what will happen if I open myself back up again. My idea is to run away completely, while God's idea is somewhere else. It's a struggle to submit to Him & let go of my preconceived ideas. I don't think it's the idea of a relationship that makes me uncomfortable or the connection. It's the what could happen during it.

    I totally understand where you're coming from with thought not being from God. I've had my share, and it's not pretty. I'm usually all over the place and I end up traveling the wrong path and crash.

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