Relationship Created In Sin

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lost1578, Mar 19, 2014.

  1. I can't talk with anyone close to me, because they only give advice they don't think will hurt my feelings.

    At a young age, I met an older man. Long story short, we've had everything in common from day one. A relationship blossomed, but it's somewhat extremely important to note that he was already married with 3 kids. The marriage was failing,and had become verbally/mentally abusive to the point the children would hide under the bed when mommy and daddy fought. I gave the children a love they had never seen before, and justified to myself that I was doing the right thing. Told myself that this man I love is a victim and his children needed me in their lives.

    Now, reflecting, I realize the severity of my actions. That's just background knowledge mostly. We have been together publicly for a little over a year now, and (surprise) have a little one on the way. We recently moved back in together, and things don't feel right anymore. I've realized that my child will always be treated like an outcast in his father's family, my child will not know his brothers and sisters. My child will be singled out. His brothers and sisters mother says they are not aloud to be around me, my boyfriend doesn't fight in fear of child support. I just don't know what to do, I feel like a failure bringing my child into this situation. I am unhappy and wake up feeling like my environment is evil. I want to go backand escape, but I have a child on the way.
  2. You want advice that will hurt your feelings?

    You stole someones Husband, and now your not married and pregnant. Not much to it. Your the women that stole someones Husband and daddy.

    Funny though, my Step mother did that. Of course my dad was also to blame, took me years to heal from it, had issues myself growing up. Now mom and dad did fight, One time she threw a knife at him and it stuck in a door. Funny I remember that, but nothing good, just the screaming.

    Until my step mom got in the picture. My Mother was not able to move on, she cried at night, even well into my teen years until mental illness set in. She is in a special home now.

    Dad, not talked to him since 1996. My step mom, well Dad dumped her for someone else, fathered me a half brother I never met and has been miserable his whole life.

    My step mom............. She was on her 5th husband, funny they all died on her. Not sure how that worked out.

    What is done, is done....... Some won't heal over it, just get use to that idea and it's all spilled milk.

    Now one thing you can do, my family never did.............. Put the Word of God first place in their life. God don't cry over spilled milk either, he is greater than Bounty, the quicker picker up'er........ (up'er a word?)

    Jesus said in Mark 4, What measure you mete to the Word, it shall be measured back to you again. Little measure, little results.

    What done is done, and Why Jesus went to the cross. You can't fix this, and feeling bad about it won't fix it. Be forgiven, be clean, and free of it.

    I am not playing around when I say you can be happy again and secure, and have a happy child. You draw neigh to God, he promised to get close to you.

    I was suppose to do 18-90 in prison, but I meditated on that unjust judge parable until it became so real. I turned down all my plea deals for 45 years, then 15 years.......... last possible day of trail, God steps in and does what he said he would do in his word. I only did 21 months, and yes, I did deserve it but I did not do life.

    My son the same way, was suppose to be dead.... I held on that with Long life I'll satisfy him said the Lord. Suppose to be dead one day, they can't find the cancer the next.

    I want you to do 1 thing now. Just do it.

    Psa 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.

    Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

    Write these down, and every time a bad thought comes up that tells you it ends bad, you speak.... (NOT THINK) but speak, My God is thinking thoughts of peace for me, He will perfect all those things that concern me, to see to it I get a blessed (expected) and prosper end.

    God is not thinking bad of me or evil, but think good things about me.

    Don't say anything else but these.

    Jer 29:11 delivered my friend from bi-polar....... She kept that on a piece of paper and just focused on it. Amazing testimony, I also had her constantly say I have the mind of Christ, a sound mind.

    I did the same thing way back and just kept adding scriptures and focusing on them all day, every day. The more that came to pass the more excited I got. We got to start somewhere and a Word from the Lord has power to change anything.

    Be blessed.
    TezriLi, Where is the Messiah and RoyIsNoLongerARobot says Amen and like this.
  3. I just don't get why the wife is expected to want her kids to be around this adulterous situation. Of course she doesn't. Adultery is dirty and hurtful! It is sinful! Why should she have to subject her kids to that? I know you don't want it to be, but your relationship was just that... adultery. People think it's fine if a marriage is in trouble... it's not! You cannot excuse adultery because the spouses were not getting along. You can be forgiven and move on, but I wouldn't go around expecting anything of the wife and children! That is a hurt she is going to have forever!
    TezriLi and MichaelH say Amen and like this.
  4. This is true. Insanity comes in when one hangs on to the hope this whole thing won't be forever fractured and messed up. Hope has to be in God to fix YOUR life and let go of the sinful mess you created. I am not saying it's impossible, but I have been in lots of cases like this. Working with a Women now who Married a guy (Both saved, the Ex is not) and the Guys Ex is strung out on drugs and causing problems. Make it worse there is a young 11 year old Girl involved.

    There is a reason God said......... Thou shalt not commit Adultery. It had nothing to do with trying to make us unhappy, it was to make us happy and avoid all the pain it brings.

    God can fix it though, but we expect nothing from anyone and appreciate everything. To fix it often involves making some very hard choices, but they must be made.
  5. I think there are several things you need to understand. My sister I am telling you this out of love because I am Christian and if I come off to blunt, that is something I am working on pray for me and forgive me.

    I think you have some insecurities that you need to work on. Feeling bad for children doesn't give you an excuse not to value yourself higher. The main thing is you need to understand why your child deserve a more stability than you and your boyfriend as a couple can provide.

    Also you need to understand you made a mistake. You sinned against his wife and his children prior, you are not in the position morally to demand anything. As a parent would I want my children around someone that I view as morally unstable? Would I want my daughters to be around a woman that had an intimate relationship with a married man? I have family members that drink to much that are college graduates that my children aren't going to be in my children's have to think about that. Ask yourself does your actions say "I deserve to be in these children's lives, I have something of substance to offer them?"

    You currently are living in a sinful situation with a man that you sinned with to get there. God is love and there is a man that can make this right but you have to confess your sins to him........

    John 8:4-11

    4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

    5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

    6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

    7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

    8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

    9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

    10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

    11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

    You need to ask for forgiveness and sin no more.
    TezriLi and Sweet Pea say Amen and like this.
  6. Lost1578

    I have walked your path, been there, done that and bought the Tshirt and the Video.


    And I survived, and got out of it. PM me if you want.

    Bottom line its what everyone is saying here. Especially what Micheal H said. You have to make some real tough decisions to move forward.

    Sometimes forgiveness is not just forgiveness, its also restitution. In some cases we have to restore whatever it is we damaged or harmed. you have to give it back.

    For me, I had to make very very hard choices. but it was necessary for me to repent and move on with my life. The guy (who by the way got married to his long term gf when I was 7 months pregnant) he still calls me a lot. I got to the point where I don't pick up the phone and cut off my whatsup communication.

    I know I sinned against God, but he sinned against me by lying to me and telling me he was in an abusive relationship. I ended up here out of piety for him and now look what happened to me. So personally, he is just an enemy.

    I let go of the dream of ever "making it" with him. I am now in a new country, in fact a new continent! Faaaaaaar away from him. There is a penalty for all this. The children, don't have a father. that hurts and cuts so deep. but I know I gave this guy up fully in the sight of the Father and I have let him go fully.

    I don't know, I dread and fear and shudder at the idea of ever marrying him. apparently he is now separated from the wife and wants me because I was the sane cool one who wasn't vindictive (I never touched a hair on his head and completely bore on my shoulders the cost of this infidelity (mind you he wasn't married when I met him, he married the gf when I was 7 months preggaz).

    but whatever, even if he became available, in my mind it would just be adultery. at first I broke a relationship, now it would be me breaking a covenant. and if I read my bible carefully, all adulterers will go to hell.

    so I stripped myself clean, and washed my self with fouler's soap. that tough grime, acidic hot soap that removes dirt - till you bleed if necessary. its a sacrifice I h ad to make.

    better this now my dear, while I am still on this side of eternity. I want to do everything to make it into heaven. and getting out of their marriage, their way and out of their country and even continent was something that would enable me to face God every day for 2 hours in the morning.

    And wouldn't you know it we are blessed! stable, in Christ, provided for - so happy. with God. I have a feeling I am gonna get married well. I just know it. to some one who will love me with all I come with.

    right now, there is this beautiful guy who just likes me as I am. our friendship is so clean so pure. and unlike the father of my first pregnancy (there will be another one when I get married this time) this guy has COMPLETELY respected my bod! its so comforting and great to know that God does give second chances but you MUST REPENT AND RESTITUTE WHAT YOU TOOK.

  7. Very, very thoughtful, honest reply. Reminds me of the kind of "reply" to sins that the Apostle Paul made: "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief." 1st Timothy, 1:15 KJV
    TezriLi likes this.
  8. #8 TLIMS, Jun 20, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2014
    Very good reply. Very thoughtful. Only one suggestion to consider: Jesus did not die for our "mistakes". He died for our sins. There are sins of omission, and sins of commission. All of them have one thing in common: they are Sin. One must let Him have it all just as it is. His Grace is sufficient and His blood is that strong. I am learning each day to remember and cling to the following scripture like a shipwreck victim clings to a life-preserver in a vast and tumultuous sea: "
    Romans 12:2
    New International Version (NIV)

    "Do not conform to the pattern of this world,but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
    TezriLi likes this.

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