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Relationship advise. Need some guidance

Discussion in 'Answers' started by Unregistered, Oct 19, 2009.

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  1. Relationship advise. Need some guidance

    Hi all. My name is Tom, iam 23 years old and in a bit of a sticky situation.

    Iam not christan but have been in a relationship with a christian girl now for 9 months and iam very much in love with her and happy being with her but we have recently gone on a break to try and find out what we both want. The main reason behind this is because of church and her belives. I have never from day one had an issue with her being christian or her belives.

    She told me that she would like me to start going to church with her and iam not 100% sure that i want to go to church. She told me that she would like me to be apart of her relationship with god. I personaly dont know how that is possible. I have told her that iam willing to try and learn more about what she means and have open minded disscusions with her about it but she would still like me to go and sit in church with her, i didnt have to do anything just sit there and support her. Now i didnt see that as a good compromise and any point to it as i will have been made to go instead of going myself.

    Iam open minded about going to church but when iam ready not to be made to go. Our relationship apart from this sticky situation is great we get on well and enjoy each others company. I love her and want this relationship but at the moment not getting anywhere.

    Any advise will be greatfully recevied and helpful.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this.

  2. Hello Tom and thank you so much for your post here.

    It is great to see that you have found a wonderful christian girl. It is also terrific that aside from the church issue, that everything else is going great. I know that this can be enough to either make the relationship stronger or completly end it. It's all on how much each of you are willinng to sacrifice for the other. A good relationship takes sacrifice, as well as feeling comforatable enough to be able to be yourself with the other person.

    I see your point that you are not against going to church, you just don't want to feel pushed into anything. But, if you haven't done so already, and feel comfortable with the idea, maybe you could visit her church with her one service, just to see how things go. I don't know how much exposure you have to church, but maybe it would surprise you in many ways.

    Before i was saved, i still enjoyed church odd enough. But one service i had a calling to my heart and the LORD saved me. The greatest thing that ever happened to me. If you are not ready for this, try to be supportive by just attending with her when you do feel up to it.
    Try to understand this point, she loves you, and wants to be a light to you also. Her LORD should always come before all things, but that is the great part, when HE is first, everything else fits after HIM so perfectly!!!
    I hope that i have helped you some, and I pray that your relationship does well, with her and with the LORD. blessings to you friend, feel free to come here anytime you need it!
  3. Hey Tom, I really appreciate your post and I know that you're looking for a real answer here. I pray that I can help.
    As a pastor and counsellor, dealing in relationships seems to be one of the aspects of ministry that I do most.
    First of all, I think it's wonderful that you have a girlfriend who is a Christian. Not all guys can say that and it is indeed a blessing.

    When your girlfriend says that she wants you to come to church with her, please understand that she's not asking you to join a religion. She's deeply concerned anout your spiritual wellbeing and your eternal future and she wants you to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I completely understand the fact that you feel you are being "made to go" to church with her. That in itself tells me how much she really does care about you and the zeal she has to see you in the same kind of relationship that she has with God. She really wants to share that experience with you. Please don't let her Zeal turn you off, she's just excited about being a Christian !

    Please understand, as much as she cares for you, as a Christian, her number one priority and and committment is to honour and please God. It's ok to let her know that you may not be ready for church just yet, but I would encourage you to really take to heart what she is saying to you when she shares her faith with you.
    I would suggest that for now you guys not see eachother on a romantic level, but as good friends hanging out and enjoying eachother's company. From there, see where God takes things. I see a realationship like this

    Picture a triangle. You are on the left bottom corner, your girlfriend is on the right bottom corner and God is on the top. God needs to be the 3rd person in that relationship. Now picture the two of you moving up the angle towards God. As each of you draws closer to God, you draw closer to eachother as well.
    I went through exactly the same senario a number of years ago when I was seeing a girl who was not a Christian. I can totally relate bro.

    On a personal note, I really do care for you guys and at this time I'd like to offer my friendship and support to you both. As a pastor I would like to offer my experience and "expertise" to you. I am willing to walk through this with you both. If you'd be in favour of that route, I would like to begin by hearing from your girlfriend to get an idea where she stands on this and what her thoughts are. I assure you that anything discussed between us will remain confidential.

    Praying for you both

    Pastor Glenn
  4. This is solid advice that I believe Tom you should really consider. Your girlfriend is doing this out of love. And in this world one can not find a greater love then someone wanting to share not only this life, but the life to come with you. Hold on to this dear lady, she is someone special. I'll also pray for you both

    Good luck Tom

  5. I totally agree with this response . This is the best advice at this point in your relationship .

    I do not believe your girlfriend is pushing you in any way but she is asking out of love for Jesus Christ . Her first love is for Jesus and you need to understand that she wants you to enter into the same relationship as she has .

    Reason being because she knows already that right now , yes you two have a wonderful relationship but it can be enhansed with Jesus Christ at the head of both of your lives .

    Right now because you are blinded by emotions , you cannot see that if and when you get married and one of you is not on the same page , spiritually it can and will cause conflict in your marriage . Trust me I have been that route and it ended in divorce and when children are involved it is not a pretty sight and to this day I am still suffering because of this turmoil . You don't want to start a marriage that way .

    I would suggest both of you talk to the pastor of your girfiend's church and he can help you with this issue , but ultimately this is a decision that you need to take very seriously .

    Please go with your girlfirend as a visitor to church . What can you loose ? And ultimately you can gain more than loose . Don't go with the idea of wanting to please her , cause that will not work but go with an open mind to see what God will do for you .

    God Bless you for your decision and I will be praying for you and your relationship .

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