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Praying to Accept Him as A Friend If That Is What God Wants

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Littleone, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. Praying to Accept Him as A Friend If That Is What God Wants

    I just found out recently that this Christian guy that I had developed a close friendship with, does not want to pursue a relationship with me. You know deep in my heart, I knew no romantic relationship was going to come out of it, but I couldnt' help but hope for something. I've never had a boyfriend, I've never really seriously been with a guy. I have only ever had men (older men) hit on me, but I have never had a real relationship. Earlier this year I came close to being involved with an older man just because I was so lonely and he was the only one paying me attention. I was going to do something sinful with him, but I couldnt' go through with it because I knew it would jepardize my relationship with the Lord. It was around this time that I met this Christian guy and we became friends. He would call me and we'd talk a couple hours every week, we'd email eachother. I wasn't initially that attracted to him, but I grew to love the attention/attachment that came with having him as a friend and I enjoyed it.
    He wasn't like the other guy, he didn't pressure me sexually, he didn't ask much of anything and we talked about th bible alot. I confided in him about certain issue with my family and he did the same. I really thought of him as a friend, but he recently told me that he just wanted to be friends.
    I felt as if he was playing with my heart. Why would he initiate all this contact and get me emotionally attached to him if he didn't want anything serious with me??? I was really angry and hurt that he would play with me like that.

    Although I knew in my heart that I probably wasn't ready for a relationship with a guy, I couldn't help but feel that the reason he didn't like me was because he thought I was ugly or because I was too fat because right now I've gained 25lbs. I just felt like my self esteem was under attack. I have struggled with my self image my whole life and I just felt like he was like all the other guys who've hurt me Christian or not. Even though I didn't really think anything would come of the friendship, it was still nice to have someone who I could talk to and not worry about him just trying to use me for sex. I guess it just felt good. But when he stopped calling me after we met and talked for nearly five hours and when he just stopped paying me the attention he used to, I really really felt hurt and angry! I didn't go off on him in anger or anything, but I didn't confront him about why he stopped calling and he basically said he just wanted to be friends and he wasnt' sure that anything more was going to happen between us and there no point in talking to eachother like we used to. Now I thought he was my friend and everything and I had some attachment to him, so I got very very angry. I called him an idiot (behind his back) and i just felt really insulted and hurt.

    But after church today, I am trying to make peace with this. He said he still wanted to "keep in touch," and I honestly didn't plan to continue talking to him because of how he just dropped me like a sack of potatoes. i was going to block him from my email and take him phone number out of my cell. But, what I am leanring is that. I have self esteem problems. I didn't really like this guy romantically, I just liked the attention he gave me. I did value his friendship, but it was just a vanity thing. When he told me he wanted a friendship nothing more, it hurt me because of my self-esteem issue. I felt like he was rejecting me (romantically) because he thought I was ugly or fat. I am starting to understand that i can't be in a relationship with any man until I learn to develop my relationship with Christ better. If its in God's will for me to only be friends with this guy, then I shouldn't hold that against anyone. He is a nice guy and whether he did me right or not, he didn't help me in a way. He helped steer me back in the direction of Christ and inspired me to work harder at my relaitonship with God. He kept me from making a huge mistake with the older man who just wanted sex from me. Perhaps that is the sole reason that God allowed us to meet eachother.

    At the same time though, I need to learn to be by myself with God and me and connect with him before I even think of entering into a relationship with a man. I need to learn to love myself because God made me perfect in his image. I need to learn to stop using other to validate my worth. If it is in God's will, he WILL send me the right man in his own time, not mine. If its not in his will for me to be with someone, then he has even greater plans for me and I need to trust him. I wasn't ready to be in the relationship with the guy and my motives were not in the right place. Although he was nice and helped steer me towards God, I still was seeking validation from a human instead of God.
    Maybe this is why God ordered things to happen this way because I need to break ties with him and only be dependent on God first and foremost. So, I am making peace w/ the fact that he may always just be a friend, I may not be his type and he may find someone else and I hope w/e happens he finds happiness. I will keep in touch with him. I'm not going to block him or be bitter and I am not holding grudges, I am making peace.

    I just wanted to share this long story because I am learning to depend on Christ for everything. If he feels I shouldn't be in a relationship with someone, I need to accept that and I forgive those who hurt me.
  2. "If its in God's will for me to only be friends with this guy, then I shouldn't hold that against anyone. He is a nice guy and whether he did me right or not, he didn't help me in a way."

    I made alot of spelling errors, I meant to say: " He is a nice guy and whether he did me right or not, he DID help me in a way."

    My basic thing is, I need to concentrate on depending on Christ first because no man can validate my self-worth (Christian or not) I need to pray for God to help me depend on him. I pray/mediate on 1 Peter, chapter 3:3-5. It's a passage about beauty. I have never felt good enough, I have never felt attractive enough and I have self-esteem issues. This is the reason, I think, that I seek validation from others. Even though I knew in my heart that this guy was not the right one for me, his attention and friendship made me feel good. My motives were wrong and vain. I believe God ended this relationship because now that I am away from the "older man," and I am back on the path towards Christ, I need to be dependent on Christ alone. I need to learn to see myself as beautiful, not because of outward beauty, like clothes, shape, hair, skin or eye color, but because God made me beautiful in his image. He loves me and I am precious to him. I can depend on him for anything and I can always come to him. I pray that God touches my heart with the passage from 1 Peter. I hope he shows me the true beauty that comes from a relationship with God and not with men. That was my point.
  3. you did the right thing and as tuff as it is Jesus will guide you through all the obstacles of this if you trust him wholly hang in there with Jesus things will prove out in the doing of that to work for your best all the way ok

  4. you need Christians to validate how extreme your worth is to Jesus :smiley90:

    you are priceless to Jesus dear :smiley90: and he is more than interested in giving you the best in all things and Jesus will lead you just trust trust trust him
  5. Oh honey!!!!!! My heart does indeed go out to you. In the past, I went through that with MANY boys. And my thinking back then was, "Love sucks." It was my motto for everything. I turned my back on God and EVERYTHING. (I didn't turn my back on God because of guys, just fyi lol. But that's a whole different story as to WHY I did!)

    We must be careful, however, that we don't get into relationships because we want ATTENTION. We must go into relationships because that's what God wants us to do.

    I'm sorry that this guy played with your feelings. It's rough and I know how heartbreaking it is. It's very confusing too. Again, my heart DOES go out to you and if you just need someone to talk to, please send me a message. And if you don't feel comfortable talking with me, talk to someone. And God, he's always there to listen. And he's there to comfort you. The Bible doesn't call God a Counselor for nothing!

    He will be close to your broken heart. Just lean on him. And guess what? You can wear your heart on your sleeve with our Jesus :) :) :) :) :) Because with him, he won't break your heart. He won't ever leave you. You can get emotional, you can get angry, and he won't think less of you. You are his desire. Just keep going to him. He will never turn you away!
  6. Dear Littleone, i am not going to tell you what the problem may be, as you seem to be aware that you may be reading more into a situation because you feel that you are lonely. You know what you need to do between you and the lord it seems and you dont need advice from me in that area.

    However, i would suggest that you try and get into fellowship with other girls and do fun things together , regardless of your age and go to church with them. At weekends or holidays when the lonleyness kicks in, plan ahead and make arangements to be with friends and it will make the time go by easier.

    I know this helops as i too used to feel lonely and i used to look for signs of possible relationships at the cost perhaps of some friendships. in the end i just gave up and tried to put it out of my mind. When the right person did come along, it happened out of the blue with no warning. So dont lose heart.

    One of the best pieces of advice i ever heard on this matter was in this wise . An elder of our church was talking once and was talking on this very subject and he said " you know, the best place to meet a spouce is at the prayer meeting". And you what, he is right. He didint mean the prayer meeting wasa hunting ground for dating, he ment that if a person is faithfull to god in prayer, you can be certain they will be faithful to you in life and maintain your honour. You never know, the right person for you might not even be saved yet. But all in the lords time. But wait on the lord as you may not know his plan for you.

    Psalm 27:14
    Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD
  7. You know, I was going to try and mention that maybe that other guy who you had a good friendship with (and it's very much okay to not like your friends as anything else BUT as a friend, lol) but maybe in a way he was also trying to see if he liked you instead of you liking him by chance? And I'm in no way of trying to get your hopes up for anything or any reason at all, but at least now you know that you two are great friends for each other and can pray for the other person but you don't need to be in any kind of relationship with him.

    Do continue to keep your trust and faith in God, he will give you the right guy when he thinks you are ready. :) Believe in that!
    (I'm 20 - in college - and STILL no FIRST boyfriend, lol) So don't worry, KEEP LEANING ON GOD FOR HE LOVES YOUR HEART, YOUR SOUL, YOUR MIND, AND YOUR BODY!!!

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