Please Help - Disobedient Christian Dating Former Believer

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Wyngate, Oct 23, 2012.

  1. PLEASE HELP. I am a Christian and I believe Christianity is of the utmost importance in life. However, I must confess I have not been an obedient Christian, particularly with regard to premarital sex. I've been dating a girl who I like very much. I think the world of her. We get along great. Everything is fantastic about the relationship except two things - first, she is agnostic...and second, we have had a very sexual relationship so far. She used to be very involved in her church several years ago, but was raped. She became pregnant as a result of the rape and aborted the child. She began having doubts and became agnostic.

    I want to get married one day, and I have always expected myself to be a more obedient Christian than I am...and that I would marry a Christian girl. I want and need a good Christian woman who will help hold me accountable. Despite knowing this is what I want and need, I have found myself dating this girl, who I love dearly. But we are now at a fork in the road. I don't know whether to continue dating her, hoping that she will become Christian (while working on my own obedience at the same time) . . . or if I should end the relationship, work on my own obedience, and hope she becomes Christian. I want to minister to her, but I'm not sure she would appreciate my efforts given my own shortcomings. I don't want things to end with her, but I feel like I need to marry a Christian woman.

    What should I do at this point?
  2. It is my need as well : )

    My objective of posting this is: study and stand firm on what you believe in: whatever that is not of faith is sin.

    I deliberately chose to marry a non-Christian wife.

    Am a disobedient myself: in relation to the teachings of other Christians who happen to believe in the “unevenly yolk” doctrine : ) …. I have nothing against them…. I just happen to believe otherwise….

    I am a male chauvinistic pig! : ) .... a man can marry a non-Christian…while a wife should not marry a non-Christian….

    Why? : the man is to be the leader of the house: the wife is to follow, the helper of the man…

    We are commanded to LOVE our wife, and the wife to RESPECT the husband….

    I met Christians who disapproved, I am a helpless case for them,… I happen to believe, to understand Jesus teachings; Paul’s teaching in a different view … I cannot lie to myself.

    My worldly reasoning to judgmental Christians: the % possibility of her becoming a Christian is higher for her to be married to a Christian husband compared to her marrying a non-Christian…: ) *** just kidding, kidding aside: it is a flesh rebuttal I would say…

    I am not proud of saying that I made my wife a Christian…. I would like repeat my objective: study and stand firm on what you believe in: whatever that is not of faith is sin.

    I believe everything is by the grace of God, my wife who happen to be a Buddhist before is now a practicing Christian...

    Only God can make a Christian.
  3. Thanks so much for your response. It's comforting to hear that someone out there married a non-Christian and made it work. Did you marry her when she was Buddhist or did you marry her after she became Christian? How long did it take for her to convert?

    In the case of the girl I'm dating, I think she became agnostic due to a psychological need to justify the abortion to herself because mainstream Christianity prohibits abortion for any reason (or at least seems to). Personally, I don't condone abortion, but I feel like if I reject her because of the abortion, then I'm rejecting her for a mistake in her past (some would, of course, sympathize with her action and not consider it a mistake). Regardless, I've made mistakes, too...we all have. And God commands us to not judge one another...that is His domain. We are to treat one another as we want to be treated. Christianity doesn't allow me to hold the abortion against her. I'm commanded to love her regardless of her past...and I'm trying, though it's constantly on my mind.

    Her agnosticism is the biggest problem for me. If our relationship continues, there's no guaranty she'll convert. If she doesn't convert, then we have both wasted a lot of time and drained ourselves emotionally.
  4. I don't know how to say this nicely, but no offence, if you are living in fornication you are not close to God either.
    Many (including myself) would argue that you are married.

    You both need to sit down and make a joint decision to put God first. If she says no, you still should! that does not mean you leave her! but you do immediately put an END to everything that convicts you according to scripture. God is either first or nowhere in our lives!!!

    You need to take her to get proper Christian counciling on what happened to her. I don't blame her for feeling upset with God!!! My heart goes out to her!!! But she is unfortunately not judging God fairly, only a one-on-one councilor at a good church can show her this imo.

    Praying for you! Good luck!
  5. Before she became a Christian.
    About 3 years after i met her, although when I met her, she happen to believe that:
    All man are sinners, including the Buddhist monks she said.
    That it is difficult to be good, we like to be good, but it is difficult to be good.

    I agree, we are to be fair with one another.

    All relationship have problems.

    Although yes, the moment a lady will disrespect our faith... that is a different thing... precisely why i said earlier: Man is to lead, wife to follow, and i found my wife willing to follow me.

    Reminds me of Kind David and Michal.
    I google "David Michal" and i found this interesting insight:

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