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Over Protective Mother?

Discussion in 'New Members Welcome' started by James123456, Mar 30, 2014.

  1. Hello, I'm new to the forum here. This is going to be a really long post and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read the whole thing or even just skims to get the gist of this post. I wanted to get an unbiased (to me or ppl involved ) faith based perspective of my situation/story here.

    I am 23 years old and feel very over protected by my mother. I've read much worse situations but I don't believe that makes my situation any less. I've always (well, as much as a growing boy will) listened to my mother with very little to no question. When I was much younger between elementary - most of middle school my parents (mostly my mother) were understandably concerned with where I was, who I was with, to what time I would be there, and what time I needed to be home. Of course if curfew was broken there would be punishment for it. Although most of the time they would be the ones to pick me up. Sleep overs were few and far between to my memory and my parents always had to talk to my friends parents before I was allowed to start hanging out with them. It was very rare that any of my friends came over or any of my parents friends for that matter come to think of it.

    We moved to another state before I went to high school and for a summer before making any real friends I would go back and forth between states to hang out with my old friends. Always had to come back home and never stayed over. High school came around and things changed. As a household we became Christian's and we were going to church every Sunday. Only at first was I bored with it but I soon learned to enjoy it. The Christian friends I made at the first church were quickly judged by my mother because "they and their families weren't actually Christians". I even secretly dated one of the girls in the church because I didn't want my mother to find out and give me lip about it. The relationship didn't last long and after we broke up I was pretty much told I could have warned you of her. There was another girl in the church I was interested in but I was forbidden to be with her because "she was headed down the wrong path". My mother likes to pride herself on her ability to make snap judgements of people. Even after I graduated high school and got a job (I opted not to go to school) I still had strict curfews and can even think of some really embarrassing moments where I'm literally running home to not break curfew. I'm really an open person to anyone and never really speak much, so expressing my feelings is something I don't do very often or well. Talking about girls was never a topic of talking between my mother and I or even between my dad and I.

    We had moved churches due to some church politics and the next church we went to was actually really nice, until my mom decided it was becoming a cult. So we moved churches again this is really good and as long as my mom likes it we'll stay.

    I've been dating a Catholic girl for about 6 months now and with no surprise my mother doesn't like her. They got into an argument over my mother basically telling her she needed to come to our church in order to date me. I don't think its fair for my mom to be butting into my relationship like this especially with the topic of church. I feel like I would only be allowed to be with someone my mother likes and not who I like. She's thrown the "don't yolk with the non believer" verse at me and has even said she would kill herself if I told her I was going to marry the girl I was with now. The argument they had became really heated and my mother told my gf to get the f*** out. She (my mother) felt disrespected and now hates her (my gf) for it. She hates when I come home late when hanging out with her/my friends. And staying over my girlfriends house (she lives with her parents) or dorm (she has a roommate) is something that can never be brought up.

    The first time I stayed over my girlfriends house it was because there was a huge snow storm and my car had gotten stuck on my gf's street. Her mother, father, and some helpful neighbors dug me out, but there was no way I was going to be able to drive home. My parents called my gf's parents to see if it was ok to stay, my mother was even willing to send my dad 0ut in the storm to go pick me up. They even tried to see if my gf's family had intentions of going to church that next morning (storm was on a Saturday). After being told they would "think about it" I was able to stay. I was also told to behave. I'm not 15..I'm 23. The only thing I've been taught is to be home on time, I don't feel like there has been any preparation to be let out of the house. I can't move out because I just simply can't afford to do so. I understand honoring thy mother and father and "my house, my rules" but when do I get to grow up? Why do I still get treated like I'm 15? Why do I feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do about my gf? I feel as if I can't act upon my feelings towards my gf because of my mother not liking her. I feel like I can't make any decisions on my own. I really want to know what to do. I really feel like just doing what I want no matter what they think. But I don't want to hurt them, seem unappreciative, or make them feel like I don't love them.

    Would God really not allow for a Christian to date a Catholic? Is that even an issue? Is there even a real difference between the two? I'm really torn here. Any help would be great. And would answer any questions about anything. Thank you!
  2. Your 23? Still living with mom?

    I would seriously stop being concerned about girls. Get yourself together first. You have a Job?

    You know I lived in a homeless shelter, walked to my job everyday, believed God for a bike and got one.

    There are many hotels that offer monthly rates, we paid like 400.00 and that included everything. 400 a month is cheap. Not the best Neighborhood but God protects.

    You have options, I guess it really depends on how long you want to put up with mom.
    Banarenth and AllieWi say Amen and like this.
  3. I was going to reply...but I got nothing...may the Lord be with you.
  4. I knew Michael would give you decent advice.

    Your a man now so I would think you would want to move out.

    Like Michael said get your life in order, get a job (if you don't have one) and move out.
  5. I think there's a big difference between Catholics and Christians in my humble opinion. I think you should seek God and listen for what his answer is. If he says not to be with the girl then don't because you will be in sin at that point. If he tells you it's okay to be with her then go for it. I have a verse. I'll post it as soon as I get off the road
    AllieWi likes this.
  6. Listen, my son!! Listen, son of my womb! Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers! Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.
    AllieWi likes this.
  7. Focus on Jesus. Do you and your girlfriend talk about Jesus? Does she express her belief in Him and the Holy Scriptures? I think Michael is right about priorities.. You may have to do without some stuff for awhile but it would be worth it to have your freedom.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  8. Are you living in US or some other eastern country? Because the behaviour of your mother is what is expected of a mom in eastern culture! I grew up like that.. But when I finished college, it was the time for my parents to let off the control.. My dad never controlled me.. But I was more scare of my dad than mom.. Just because of the silence! Because of the unknown.. What if he would say something.. But with my mom I knew how she would react :)

    Coming to the point, I pretty much grow up like that.. But when I finished college, that was the time slowly they started letting the control.. It was pretty quick.. The tone of them changed.. it was more of advice than orders.. And that was the age I saw the affection behind the advice.. It was the time when what they told me started making me sense.. I guess you are at that age.. If your mom is not giving you the control, then 2 things are possible,

    1) You are not matured enough and your mom knows that
    2) You are matured enough and your mom is not seeing that

    In either case, the solution is not for your mom to have control over you.. Either you are ready to face the world or ready to learn by experience..

    And I realize this is not even your question!! But whatever I have told sort of answers your question also! And this may not make sense for most of the friends here.. I am sending this purely from eastern culture perspective..
  9. I lost my job not too long ago. Been searching hard ever since losing it, its been about a month. Never considered a hotel though, once I find a decent job I'll be saving up and learning to manage my money to be able to move out. Even if its moving to a hotel for a while.
    AllieWi likes this.
  10. We don't really to be honest. We've both expressed our belief in him. She has her bible at her dorm and the bible app on her phone. She talks mostly about Jesus and other religious topics with her father mostly.
  11. Well there are options. Some homeless shelters have programs where you save money for a place and they help you find jobs. There is also the military, and Truck Driving Schools like Swift, C.R.S.T will pay for you a bus ticket, pay for truck school and room and put you out on the road where you can start making decent money. All Self sufficient.

    There are always options if we know about them.
  12. I actually live here in the states. Maybe the act of going away to college would have changed things for me. Or even finishing college and getting a "real" job could have changed things as well. I would like to think its because I am mature enough and my mother isn't seeing it. I've been told by bosses and people that I know both my age, and older that I seem much older because of the way I carry myself. So I would attribute that to the way I was raised, what I held onto and the fact that I've matured, but they just don't seem to see that. Its like that got a list of my wrongs in their back pocket and whip it out to prove that I'm not "mature" or "responsible".
  13. Hmm, that's good to know that there are programs like that. Military isn't something I'd want to do and the truck driving life isn't really something I can see myself being happy with. Beggars can't be choosers I know, but its good to know that those kinds of options are there. I didn't know truck driving schools would actually pay for all that, that's pretty neat actually.
  14. James I must say you seem to have a pretty good ability to judge things and reason out what you should do. I do hope you would seek the Lord in sincere prayer and try to honor your parents even if you have to make a stand at some point...which sounds as if it might happen? I hope you have gotten some help on this thread? I think I hear most saying to take more control of your life and make sure this young lady is the right one for you before you change your life for her.
  15. Thanks, I feel like I can do that pretty well but, when when my parents are in the room or get involved I just jump to do whatever they say mode. Maybe that's my real issue, confusing making a stand and becoming my own for not honoring my parents. I never went through the crazy rebellious teen mode and what not. Not that I wish I did, cuz who knows what kind of world I'd be living in. 90% of my friends smoke cigarets, never took up anyone's offer to have a hit. But as soon as I do something my parents don't like (ex - come home late) I'm an awful son that can't do anything right. I think I've heard that for so long I've become to believe it. Yeah, that's what I've been hearing here and my gf has been telling me that a lot too (to take a stand for myself). I do think my gf and I have something really special and it can be a great relationship, but with my mom's view of her it just seems to throw a monkey wrench in the whole thing. I would want to make a stand for myself regardless if she was in my life. She's really pushed me to do so though, which is why I think my mom doesn't like her as well, ever since my gf came into the picture I've been making all these changes. So she must think I'm doing it ONLY because of her.
  16. So how does your girlfriend feel about Jesus as the personal Savior that we understand Him to be? I mean is she open to think of Him outside of her traditions?
  17. It sounds like a really difficult situation over there. I will be so grateful if my kids turn out like you!!
  18. She understands that he died for us but she's pretty adamant about sticking with being a Catholic. She felt that my mom bringing up coming to church with my family was an attack on her beliefs and thus got defensive about it.
  19. Haha thanks, I just hope they become comfortable expressing and being themselves! Unlike myself right now. :)
  20. We
    Well I don't want to insult you in asking this but how important to you is your relationship with Christ? I mean there is reason for some concern that a conflict could come between her beliefs and a sincere walk according to Gods Will for you? Would you choose her over what you know and believe is true in Christ?

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