Old friend popping up

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Monet, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. I was friends with a guy on and off for 9 years, a friendship I ended 2 yrs ago. The reason I ended it is because it was a flirtatious friendship and so when he got involved with another woman I decided to walk way. However because of his immaturity he still wanted to be around me while being with her because despite the fact he got with her he has always and still loves me, he just chose her instead out of convenience. I always knew though that at sone point he would come back to me trying to have a relationship with me once he no longer was with her and that's exactly what just happened. He contacted me saying that he was back by himself and wants us to basically date. He said he is in a different place in his life, has grown and wants to get to know me all over agai to see if we are meant to be or compatible. I however am not buying it, I do not believe for one second that he has really changed and grown the way he said he has. I think he is just lonely and wants me around for entertainment. He of course has denied this but I feel like if he was serious about starting fresh and new with me he would approach me in a diff manner and put some actual effort into proving his feelings towards me. Over these past 2 yrs we've been apart ive done a lot of growing and I've gotten closer to God so I no longer believe he is the one for me. My question is do you think im being to hard on him and if you think God may be working through this situation? Everytime him and I have drifted apart in a strange turn of events we always ended up back around each other again..we have a bond and connection that for some reason won't break no mattet what and im starting to think that maybe he is the one God has for me BUT that He had to work on us both first before bringing us together. Ive said many prayers for him so I think that right now God may be slowly changing his heart and making him into the man he needs to be for me. But I don't know. Ever since that encounter I have not stopped thinking about it and wondering what's going to happen next but im trying to just let God do whatever He is doing and go about my life as I feel whatever God wants to happen will in His timing. I just know that unless he grows mentally and spiritually like I have Im not allowing him around but am curious as to how I will know when or if he has grown and is serious about me..what will be the signs?
  2. Today's my anniversary (25 years) and I have to say that I think the whole dating thing is a joke. It's only led to people "trying" others out like shoes, jumping from partner to partner. This has led to a lack of commitment by both parties that when they go through some legal ceremony, it doesn't change their mentality. You MUST let the Holy Spirit guide you in these huge matters. That's the formula - God. There's no signs because when it comes to relationships most people are mere babies and don't have a clue what it means. "Love" at the beginning of worldly relationships is more akin to lust than actual love. This is why when the lust runs its course they fall out of "love" wanting something new. My wife and I have fallen in love over and over again as the years have passed by. She's not the woman I married, she's better. I hope I'm a better man than when I married her. If we were catholic I'd put her in for sainthood! :p

    BTW I proposed to her 3 days after meeting her!
    Monet, Euphemia and Ravindran says Amen and like this.
  3. Happy Wedding Anniversary to you and your Wife Abdicate.:)

    Courting, marriage, commitment IMO was a lot more honest by the majority of people, I think. Or maybe I am looking with rose coloured glasses:cool:. There is definitely a huge change in the way men and women court each other today and it's getting more diabolical each year I think, and the term 'quality' seems to have been replaced by the word 'quantity' (SMH).
    Abdicate likes this.
  4. Hi Monet,
    Actions always speak louder than words. If there is any REAL change going on he will demonstrate that in all areas of his life....
    In all the 9 years of knowing eachother how has he responded to your relationship with Christ ? I mean has he shown any interest, come church with you, etc (if not in the past these are things I personally would be looking out for now as signs) If Christ is a big part of your life, by him showing interest would be a good start.

    Ishmael always comes before Issac think about that! Just because this dude has been hanging around over these years does not mean the Lord has sent him to you.... You say there is no growth with this man spiritually or mentally. But you are growing..... unequally Yoked.....

    Sounds to me like you may need to go into deeper prayers/fasting, change the questions you are asking the Lord about this dude and be ready to shut the door on your friendship. He is always coming back because the door is always open....... Guard your heart...... (Bishop Jakes has got a sermon called 'It's not what it looks like. I think it may help answer some questions.
  5. Is he a believer? I am not sure if I got that while reading through the post. If he is not a believer, then I think you already have the answer.
  6. Thanks so much for the advice! He is a "spiritual" person but is not into church and the bible like I am which is why I no longer want a relationship with him because I have come to realize that him and I would be unequally yoked. I ended our friendship 2 yrs ago and will not allow him back into my life unless he by some miracle gets saved and gives his life to Christ which I know for a fact has not happened yet. I feel in my heart that God is working on him though which is why I guess I can't get him off of my mind but like you said I just need to continue to guard my heart and follow the Lord. :)
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  7. He is not saved, he believes in God and respects him but that's it which is why I no longer want a relationship with him because I know that we will be unequally yoked. I was just wondering how I would know when or if God does want him in my life like how would I be able to tell but I guess seeing where he is spiritually will give me the answer. Thanks!
  8. Hi Monet,
    I'm not telling you your friend has not been sent by Almighty God (I wouldn't know that), however, from what your have said, this man has a huge amount of growing in the Lord to do and it sounds like he is still happy in the world but wants the goodness of you who is no longer of the world (I think) ;). So, on that basis, I believe this man is only at this stage serving to pull you away from Christ.... From your posts you recognise this I see that and I understand totally where your coming from:).
    If you wish there is a YouTube channel called Anointed Fire and she has a video called -
    'Knowing the Difference Between a Ministry Opportunity and a Marriage Opportunity'. Her points are very, very eye opening, perhaps a little harsh at times but her testimony is the reason why. If you want check it out.
    Overall, good luck and God Bless you. :)

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