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Ok, So I Think The Girl I Like Is Mad At Me... Is Anyone Serious About Offering Genuine Advice?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by EW7, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. i met this young lady last year at a Bible study. she's a new christian and really on fire for the Lord. she was looking up to me like someone who could teach her a lot. we became friends and i thought all she was interested in was that and just wanting to be discipled. then i really started digging her.
    i started to pick up on the fact that i was talking to much and she wanted more connection. so i was trying to make the effort. then she had three tragic life blows within a week.

    she sent me an email expressing her frustration of me, and with a response back and forth, it seems that her qualm with me was much amplified from all the other things stressing her out and she said she'd be cool with a fresh start.

    i know she's really going through some grieving right now (close loved one passed in accident), and i wonder if i'm being selfish and impatient by worrying and getting upset, but i've been trying to connect with her and learn about her but she's being un-responsive (only been responding to some of the texts/emails. hasn't been answering the phone). but at the same time, as long as i've known her, she's seemed to have been quiet...

    -confused in KY
  2. If she is currently grieving the best thing to do is let her grieve and be there for her, as a friend. Because that is what she needs right now. The most important thing to do is to pray however, pray pray pray for her and her situation. Offer to pray together... but not for your benefit, for both growth in being children of God and to glorify and put the whole situation in his hands.

    I hoped I helped and I'm sure others will come along to offer advice. God bless and you are in my prayers.
    covered_by_grace and Rumely say Amen and like this.
  3. thanks a lot. it seems as if God is using this to help break me and kill the impulsive impatience that yet dwells within me. (rom 8:28). i really am concerned for her. but i see selfishness on my part too because the hours that go by between texts seem like days and the days i don't hear or see her seem like months. she's really got a pure heart. i want to let her know that i am interested in knowing her, and not only trying to guide her. i'd rather walk with her than drag or push her up the hill. know what i mean?
  4. EW7, couple of things. Pray for her and the loss, and pray for paitence. The Lord has been schooling me in that very thing lately. :)

    It is very good that you recognize there is a difference between walking WITH someone and just dragging them along. The practical way to apply that will sort itself out in time, just always be aware of that. A walk with a fellow Christian (whether or not there is a romantic involvment) is a lovely thing.

    As for the romantic portion ... it might be best to wait right now. Be there as her friend. Help her with what she needs as a friend. She has too much practically speaking right now to make an honest effort on her end.

    And pray. Tis something that you can do for her right now. :)
    covered_by_grace, dario68w and Rumely says Amen and like this.
  5. Interesting situation. A high stakes situation, probably more so for her than for you, though you both stand to gain or lose. She's a relatively new Christian, enjoying the enthusiasm of the new Christian and WHAM!!! Right between the eyes. Didn't see that one coming. This is a test which could make or break her faith. These are treacherous waters which need to be navigated carefully.

    Sorry for that series of cryptic sentences. Your romantic hopes are going to have to take a back seat for a while while she deals with these tragedies. Be supportive and be there for her, which will probably involve a lot more listening than speaking. Give her some breathing room. It is often our instinct, when someone is hurt, to crowd in in our attempts to help, and that can be suffocating. It is more art than science to know how to maintain breathing room without being distant, though it may be as simple as asking, "what do you need from me right now?"

    Don't know how helpful that is, but it's all I got for the moment. Dario and Faeriecat have given good counsel already, and I have someone else in mind who may well show up here too. You are definitely on the right track in seeing this as a time where you will learn and grow as well.
    dario68w and covered_by_grace say Amen and like this.
  6. I agree with all of you!

    You are a very good friend to consider her in this way, not wanting to add to her stress. You are right to be concerned for her but examine your root motive for her concern. Is it brotherly love or romantic love that propels your prayers and consumes your thoughts? Just want to make you stop and think, that's all. I am not judging you, at all! :)

    I would also like to underscore Rumely's comment about suffocating and elaborate on faeriecat's comment about praying for her. IMO, action for action, you can do nothing better than intercede on her behalf during this time. Her Rescuer will show up but she needs to be looking for HIM.

    I know very well how hard it is to stand back and let Him do His work in someone's heart and life and not knowing the outcome, you must have faith in God that He wants the best for both of you, so go ahead and try. He is your Comforter too, you know. ;)

    May He bless you as you search for His truths!!
    dario68w likes this.

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