Now I Am Divorced

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Nanookadenord, Jun 17, 2016.

  1. The divorce happened on Wednesday and took all of 10 minutes.

    I don't think my lawyer knew really what to make of us because when she walked into the waiting area my ex-wife and I were sitting together. My ex started to cry while we were waiting and my lawyer was asking some questions. So I put my arm around her. I was cracking jokes to keep her at ease. I think my lawyer was expecting us to be at each other's throats. Which we're not because it does nothing to help us or the kids to be that way.

    I will say that she has already moved on and had a date last night. That hurt a bit and I did feel a bit alone, but I was able to work through that pain and feeling of loneliness.

    I also need to remember that her and I really are better as friends than spouses. What we have now works for us. We have a better relationship as friends than we ever did as spouses.

    For her to be happy is what I want for her.
    emoy likes this.
  3. #3 Rosalyn Hill, Jul 9, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 9, 2016
    • Read the rules before posting links.
    You are an inspiration for couples with not so smooth marriage life. It is great if you accept your partner as a friend and allow her and yourself to move on, generally people are not easily able to work through such situations. My friend was depressed a couple of years back after his breakup but after involving himself in social activities, managing his work and socializing with the help of >Website removed, rule violation> he found a better person and got married.
  4. Why did you guys decide to get a divorce?

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  5. She wanted to be happy, and being with me wasn't making her happy. So she divorced me.
  6. Sounds selfish. Is she a Christian?
  7. #7 Nanookadenord, Jul 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2016
    Yes, she is a Christian.

    As I stated above though, we have a much better relationship now that we're no longer married. We are communicating much better now and have a better relationship as friends.

    So, I'm not sure I would call her selfish. We were arguing and fighting too much and it was starting to affect our two children.

    We ignored the fact that we were arguing and fighting before we were married and wouldn't make good spouses. We made a mistake and it took being separated and now divorced for me to realize what she had been saying for a few years now. We should have never gotten married.

    I was on depression medication and since a couple months after the separation I have been able to come off of them and no longer need them. I myself am much happier too.

    I do want the best for her and want nothing more than for her to be happy.

    I am not mad or blame her for anything. I do believe she made the right call because while I was still in the marriage, I was blinded and could not see what she was able to see. Our marriage wasn't working out. We tried counseling and it didn't work.

    So I truly believe that what she did was the right thing. We're both happier people now and that does translate into being better parents. The kids don't have to hear mommy and daddy fighting anymore. They see mommy and daddy getting along better, communicating and just happier people.

    So she is moving on and I will be doing the same.
  8. Sounds like God's will and scripture was never on the priority list.

    Matt 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
  9. If that is how you feel, then I cannot change that.

    What's done is done, I cannot change that either. I can only move forward and no longer look back. She divorced me, I can only move forward and if I do get married in the future be sure to be more picky about it and include God in the choice. I did not do this before.
  10. I have known a few couples who have reconciled. As a Christian that is what God would want you to try do.

    We will never be perfect. We will never find the perfect person. But marriage will work as long as it has God's anointing on it. As long as there are Christians in it who are committed to sticking at it because it pleases God. There is always hope of a better tomorrow if God is first. The problem is that we put our own happiness first. God's will is nowhere in the picture. God hates divorce. There is a reason He ordained adulterers be stoned to death in the OT. He hates to see broken marriages. A Christian may find themself with an unsaved person who could not commit to anything. But the instruction from scripture / God to them is that they stick at it. Unless your wife was unfaithful, I believe God wants you to try re connect. I really do know a few that have.
  11. I had an aunt and an uncle that married 3 times and divorced 2 times to each other! No other person in all their 40 years of calendar marriage was involved. Very odd couple to say the least. :D
    KingJ likes this.
  12. I appreciate what you're saying, but I just cannot go back to the marriage and will explain why below.

    She has moved on with someone new and doesn't want to be with me anymore.

    To be honest, after separating, I am much better for it. I am no longer depressed and no longer need depression medication. That has to mean something. The marriage was causing me psychological problems.

    I was also being physically abused at times (yes it does happen to men) as well as emotional abuse. It was killing me inside while I was with her. Yet, I continued on in denial about it all. That was a mistake and it took till we separated for me to see that.

    I honestly believe that God didn't ordain this marriage nor have His anointing on it. I do not believe that He wanted us married. I also believe that some people don't belong together. That was my ex-wife and I. We ignored all the warnings signs that should have kept us from marrying.

    Having talked with my priest about this on several occasions and while he regrets that we divorced, he also sees that the marriage was not a good one and that maybe we are better off not married. That us no longer being married is better for our kids because they don't have to be around two people who fought and argued constantly.

    So there will not be a re-connection happening. I will not go back to a marriage that nearly caused me to have a mental breakdown. I cannot go back to a marriage that will cause harm to my children. They are better off with us no longer married.

    As soon as the Lack of Form is approved through the Catholic Church I will go ahead and see about dating again.

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