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Now another dilemma, need advice

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Charlie68, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. Now another dilemma, need advice

    Well, the snowball gets bigger as it goes downhill. My wife's business has run into hard times, some reasons that are not her fault. She is way overdrawn at the bank and called for my help... to talk to them. Checks are now being returned and she is facing serious legal repurcussions soon unless something happens. The only recourse she now has is if I get a personal loan to help her. I don't want to see her face these consequences, but I have given her so much for this business already I am to the limit credit-wise. The other dilemma is all of this business is financed through my credit, so I stand a lot to lose if it fails...........:(. What to do.
  2. Charlie this is a matter for prayer and God's leading.

    That being said here is my opinion- I am not a big fan of pulling people out of the fire- sometimes it is the very hand of God moving circumstances in order to change a heart- I wouldn't move a single finger without His direct leading. I am still praying for you- blessings and peace- Larry
  3. Dude, you need to sit down with God and talk with Him, earnlestly and LONG. This is a very difficult thing to answer.

    On one hand she is running a business, on your credit. On another she is wanting to leave you for someone else.

    Therefore if you upset her, she can terribly ruin your credit. Although not everything is needed to use credit, jobs, homes and cars do use credit.

    Sit and pray my brother. Sit an pray.

    God bless,
  4. Dear Charlie,
    I am so sorry to come across as cruel.
    But I want to say, How dare she!!!
    File bancrupcy, do what you can, but don't let her use you like this, please!
    Focus on your self respect~ Tell her to have her lover pull her out this time!
    I am sorry, but she is lying to you and using you~
    I can't stand seeing this happen to you like this!

  5. Sometimes God will shake every security that we have in order to bring us to our knees in prayer and repentance- I only hope your wife is wise enough to see it.
  6. A day or so ago, you posted about your separation from her and how she has another man in her life already. You have said how you do realize that you have biblical grounds for divorce.

    At this point, I would not get a loan for her business, and I would bring up the financial situation about the business with your divorce attorney. You already said that you stand to lose a lot if the business fails. Well, you also stand to lose a lot more if she keeps draining you for money in a failing business. Also, you taking out a personal loan can be misconstrued in the divorce as a gift and you may not be able to get any of it back. I would tell her that you are sorry she is having financial difficulty right now, but that you do not plan to take out a loan for her business until you have consulted with your attorney. Since the business is financed through your credit, your attorney might be able to help you divorce yourself from the business without losing your eyeteeth.

    Do you realize that in the divorce she could also try and get spousal support (alimony) because the two of you have been married over 10 years? I don't know her and your situation enough to know if she will get it, but if she does then you will be paying out both child support and spousal support. You may need all the money you can get in the upcoming months/ years.

    Right now what I would do, if I were you, is hire an attorney. Potentially hire a private investigator who can photograph/ document your wife's infidelity. And worry about protecting yourself and your children. Do you really want your children growing up in that type of environment? Do you want them in a home with a mother who brings men into the home to sleep with who are not her spouse? Usually the courts will give joint custody to parents, meaning that the mother gets them all week and daddy gets weekends (arrangements may vary). What your children need is someone who is financially and emotionally stable, that can provide a loving Christian home for them.

    I know how difficult all of this is for you. Through this you will become a stronger person, even though you may not feel strong right now. You really need to protect yourself, your children, and your credit-- and get a lawyer. I will pray that God gives you strength and wisdom as you go through this.

    (After some of the things I have been through, I'd probably rudely tell your wife to go ask her boyfriend for a loan. :p It took me years to realize that sometimes I need to stand up for myself and not allow people to use me. You still seem like a nice guy, so you probably don't want to tell her that. Hahah)
  7. Bookworm,
    My wife's best friend told me about the same thing you just did yesterday. I have prayed and prayed.....and prayed more and I have mixed feelings about it. Above all, I want to do the right thing, and God's will. On one hand I don't want to do anything esle to enable her, which is what helping her out would do. On the other hand I don't want to lose out financially either. If I didn't have a 5 and 10 year old involved I would have done things much differently but that's a moot point I know.
    As for praying, I believe God answers prayers through others also. So far, everyone I have talked to about this has said the same thing, don't do anything else for her. I am waiting on my lawyer to call me back and hopefully she can straighten me out, because I need it badly. Yes, I have been advised by many to get a woman lawyer, they say it is much better for a man to go into these with one.
    There is no alimony in Texas, just child support. But you can bet your bottom dollar I will do anything to get my kids. I don't want them around people of low moral character or integrity any more than they have to be. It's sad that I can say that while I'm talking about my wife...........:(
  8. I think, from your words that God has already told your heart what is right.
    Seek custody of your children.
    See if you can have your wife take full responsibility of the loan, Be sure to ask your lawyer what your rights are now that your wife can ruin your credit!
    What more can you do that you have not already done to restore your marriage?

    Move forward with the LORD and your children and being the faithful servant you are, God will watch out for you.

    Please take action before your wife does. She can get you on abandonment though we know that is not the case!
    Think and act quickly, please!

  9. Oh, and the other struggle with this matter is if the bank finally stops covering her checks, then she will face severe legal repercussions which would kill me to explain to the children...if needed. I know I should probably bow out of the loan option though. I'll wait to hear fromm the lawyer. Thank you all for all the advice and kind words
  10. There is alimony in Texas under certain circumstances. That is why I was concerned when I read a previous post of yours about reaching the 10 year mark in your marriage. Here, I found you a link that talks about it:


    Look at number 2: spouses in ten year marriages that can't support themselves.

    If you see, the couple must have been married a minimum of 10 years, and qualify under one of the following conditions. That was why I said that I don't know enough about your and her situation to know if she will get it or not.

    Here is some more information on divorce in Texas:
  11. Let your wife explain herself to the children.
  12. Plus, another thing to keep in mind is that Texas is a community property state.

    "[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Geneva,Swiss,SunSans-Regular]Property Division
    [/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Geneva,Swiss,SunSans-Regular]Texas is a "community property" state. The "community" property, consisting of
    any other property acquired by either spouse during the marriage, will be divided equally, unless the court finds that equal division would be unjust. Any property possessed by either spouse during the marriage is presumed to be community property unless it can be shown that the property is actually separate property. [Texas Codes Annotated; Family Code, Chapters 7.001-7.006]."




  13. Thank you all again for you concern for someone you don't even know. I think in times like these, we need things pounded into our heads by others when our own thoughts are in shambles.
  14. You are right Charlie and I have been through this firsthand.
  15. We all love you here Charlie-
  16. Yes, we do and I am keeping you in my prayers!

  17. You guys, and gals, are going to make me cry if you keep this up. Done that enough the past few months..........That's dang hard to admit as a 38 year old man.
  18. No, Charlie, it tells us you are a very compassionate man.

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