I said the sinners prayer in 2009 after feeling the overwhelming urge to raise my hand to receive Jesus after a service at one of the many churches he's where I have been in attendance since 2009. Since then, nothing has really ever changed. I have also been baptized since that point. There has been no drastic change in me. I still feel like the same person I was when I raised my hand. I may have a little more patience than I did then, but I am also a little older. I still have an anger issue that simmers below the surface that I have gone to a counselor to help. I have major depression, which is being treated with medication. My counselor even said there's not much more she can do for me. I find just journaling my day helps more with my anger than the counselor. I am still indifferent about attending church. I never really felt spiritually fed in any church that I attended and I have attended service in non-denominational, Pentecostal leaning non-denominational, Presbyterian, Baptist and even hack to my roots as a Catholic. I remain indifferent to church attendance no matter where I attend. I have no drive or desire to be a spiritual leader in my home. I have never had a drive to be a leader in anything that I do. My wife wants me desperately to lead, but I continue not too since I have never had a drive to lead. My Bible reading is dry, even after I have prayed before and after for the holy spirit to bring me an understanding of what I am going to read or have read. I have no excitement reading the Bible. It's just bleh to me. I have never been a horrible person, yes, I sin and have sinned, I am not saying that I haven't, but I'm not a horrible person. I have never done drugs, smoked or been drunk. I don't mind helping people out and I have never been racist. I have really only had an anger problem. I have asked for God to help me with this, I have asked for the baptism of the holy spirit, I have pleaded and begged. I know that Jesus died on the cross for mine and all people's sins and rose again on the third day. I have no issues there. I believe in that completely. I just don't think that I have ever been truly Christian. I am not sure what I am looking for advice wise by posting this.