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Not My Daughter!!!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by daytan, Jul 19, 2013.

  1. Hello everyone, it is with very deep heart that I am writing this piece.
    I am almost 50, married and have 2 children -boy 23; girl 12+. 13 years ago. My daughter was born less than a year after I traveled to another continent. I have always and still support for their needs.
    Shockingly, while processing their immigration document to come and join me, I got DNA results 2 days ago that stated the girl was not my biological daughter. I have been devastated, depressed, lost and felt betrayed ever since as it appears my world is turned upside down.
    Hellooooo I need help here
  2. Well you have multiple issues here: first we need to establish a few 'facts'.

    You came to this forum-so I assume you identify yourself as a 'Christian'. So my first question is: are you saved? In other other words; if you died today do you know whether or not you would go to heaven. If you are unsure I would be more than happy to share the Word of God from the Bible to assist you in this area.

    Second: are you still married to the mother in question in your dilemma stated above? If so, do you love her as Christ would have you love her?

    The first step in this process must be acknowledgment of the situation-immediately followed by forgiveness.

    Third: do you love your daughter? does it matter about the blood relation at this point? I see this as a betrayal issue between husband and wife. It should not hinder your relationship between you and your daughter. Trust and respect will need to be reestablished in your marital relationship-forgiveness must come first-no matter how much angry bitterness rears its head.

    Let me say this from a personal perspective: I know how you feel. My ex-wife and I had a child-turns out he wasn't my blood. But it wasn't the child's fault. The mother has to deal with her sin between you and God. Also, is it possible the lab work was incorrect? Retest possible?
  3. [​IMG]

    Sending you lots of them my friend and also lots of prayers too. That is just HEART BREAKING NEWS to hear that. So, take care and stay strong & I will be hear praying for you !!!
  4. Thank you Brother_Mike_V, there is no iota of doubt in my mind about my love for my daughter irrespective of the test. I shall continue to love and care for her forever. My agony here is that the betrayal is setting in as a hindrance to continuation of husband/wife relationship.
  5. Do you love your wife as Christ would have you too? As a Christian you are obligated to forgive her-yeah, I didn't say it would be easy-or that you really want too at this point. Has she apologized-been sympathetic? Asked you for forgiveness? If she asks-you MUST give according to Christ-no matter how you 'feel' about it. It is a tough spot to be in no doubt....

    John 8:3
    3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? 6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. 7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. 9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

    Remember-you are a sinner too....

    Matthew 18:
    21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

    As the husband-you are responsible for the spiritual leadership in the home. Like I said-not easy. God never promised you it would be easy.
  6. Jesus was not an advocate for divorce-even in cases of 'adultery'; although it was permitted in such cases.
  7. Thank you BMV, I appreciate your words. I love her dearly and had envisioned our marriage to first and last. Though, this predicament is hurtful and painful, I must forgive her so the anger does not consume me. My concern is that the fire of our continued relationship is almost extinguished.
  8. Rekindle it....

    'Purpose in your heart' what your goals are. If you truly wish to have that 'heaven on earth' relationship with your wife-it is going to take work and sacrifice. God blesses obedience and sacrifice. We show our obedience in the act of loving others-which includes forgiveness. Go after her like she is the woman of your dreams.
  9. Thank you BMV. I really appreciate your words and pray for God to guide me through this trying period.
  10. That's what we are here for, praying for you.
  11. Get a retest: DNA tests are not infallible, nor are the Immigration clerks who deal with them.

    Does your wife deny this or agree that it is not your child?
  12. Boy daytan, I feel for you, that is a tough spot you are in, I think Bother Mike is giving you some excellent advice, may I also suggest you do nothing UNTIL you hear from God, please think about the destruction to your family, your two precious children, that an angry or misguided word could cause.

    What I see from what you have told us is your wife is still with you after the unfaithfulness 13 years ago, so there must still be love in the marriage from her side.

    What I do in situations that I don't know how to deal with is do like Hezekiah did and take it before the Lord, I suggest you take the test results and place them before the Lord and ask Him what He wants you to do.

    Like Brother Mike said, we husbands are to love our wives like Christ loves the church and how faithful has the Church been, yet Christ sees Her as without spot or wrinkle.

    This is certainly an opportunity for you to grow closer to the Lord, many times I have pleaded,"by your stripes I am healed," when my heart was broken and I have found He takes the pain and replaces it with His agape love for the person that has hurt me, so maybe, just maybe, the best thing is to not say anything and let the Lord work it out.

    Who knows, maybe your bride has been living daily for 13 years with guilt (maybe it was rape and she doesn't want to hurt you), maybe the Lord wants to do a work in you, to prepare you for the day He wants to set her free in confessing to you what ever the reason might be (just between the two of you), what a joyous moment that would be and how much stronger your marriage would be, ...reconciliation always starts first with one person.

    Ultimately what I'm saying is we are here to pray for you and tell you how the Lord has worked in our lives, but the correct thing for you in your situation HAS to come from the Lord because He knows ALL the details, and please remember the enemy will be screaming/placing inside your head all kinds of suggestions about your rights, about how you have been hurt, about how you have been wronged, but hearing from God is a still small voice.

    Prayers for you,

  13. Thank you Rusty, JPT and BMV. It is soothing to to know that I have your ears in this trying time of mine.
    She initially denied it but when confronted with the evidence she then confessed - had no excuse but was trying to wriggle out of her action. Had it not been for the immigration requirement, the truth wouldn't have come up because I had never doubted her and I was taking good care of her and the children. I can't even imagine how the children will feel if they know about this. The boy just graduated from university with good honors a year ago and the girl is always in the top 10 in her school grade.
    Firstly, this revelation will truncate the immigration plan. I am really praying for divine strength and wisdom and hope can only put my faith in the Lord.
  14. I'm sorry to hear this daytan, especially her lack of an excuse.
  15. Seriously this post crushed my heart when I read it. Just ugh...I can't even imagine after all those years.

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