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Not happy in life, can't really figure out why

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by nijikon, Jun 8, 2015.

  1. Hello ya'll.

    I've been with this gorgeous and Christian girl for a good year now. We are leaning towards marriage. However, recently I've not be feeling happy about life. At least the kind of happiness I used to feel when I was single. Do note that I consider myself a faithful Christian when I was both single and attached. So I do think faith isn't the question here.
    I'm puzzled as to why I'm not feel as happy as I was. Here's a number of potential reasons that could add up to my happiness.

    - While my girlfriend is very loving, very caring, and very beautiful, I can't help but think I feel a little trap in the relationship. We both agreed she's insistant and me feeling trap could be attributed to how there's always a small chance that she'll dominate the relationship. Take for example what happened over the weekend. It was 80% her activities with her friends that gave me little room for me to do my own things. Agreed that I like to accompany her for her stuff but it is okay to have a limit on when I can say no and not her being angry about it when I do say no?

    - I'm very used to this so please excuse if this comes out harsh and condescending. My sister, who is three years older than me, for the last five years, has been the most useless and dependent person in the family. This was emphasized when during dinner between me and my Mom, she said my sister is depending on her to pay my Sister's road tax, car insurance, credit card bills and phone bills. I, of course, pay for my own.

    I rant about this a number of times on this forum so let's not talk about helping her. The effect - I dread going home and living next to someone who I'm aversed being related to.

    Would you be happy if you're in similar circumstances? I'll add that I'm crusing in my job.

    Sincerely Yours,
  2. I don't mean to come across as rude or harsh in saying what I am going to say(I say it in love in hopes that you will realize the problem): You are not happy in your life because you are being selfish.

    Let me explain: as a faithful Christian we must be selfless...we are to deny ourselves and follow Christ. That means no longer living for ourselves and what we want but for Jesus and what He wants. I can only go by what you have posted here but...your post shows that YOU are very much still alive, when it is Christ that must live in you.
  3. To give more context ask it seems welcomed. No worries on sounding harsh as like I said, this matter is old to me and I quite desensitived to those who intially may not understand fully what's going on.

    Question: Would I still be considered selfish if I did the following?

    - I prayed for my sister for two to three years, no difference in how she took her financial position.
    - A while back, when I still wanted to help her, I bought her a new laptop using my OWN money which I got working part timed.
    - I offered to pay a sementer of her extended studies of which she didn't complete.
    - When she was unemployed for a number of years, she still went on holidays on my Mom's credit card. I believe travelling, when you can't pay for it on your own, is a choice.
    - Between me and my sister, I'm contributing to household expenses while she is substracting from household expenses buying things she don't use.
    - It's also me who is contributing, non-monetary terms like ferrying of parents out of state, to the family as well. Not her.

    So the timeline is that I was helping her for a number of years and then came to the conclusion that it'll serve my family better if I spent less time on her and more time on actually helping the family.

    So the question to you would be - would a solution to happiness be helping her given that I'm already helping my family?

  4. Hello Nijikon,
    The best advice I will give you is to take some time away from it all and get on your knee's and seek God in this. If you can not do this now then you future with this girl or any one else will be second rate.

    Do not ever make choices in any kind or couples relationship by the advise of others especially family. God is your only sourse in this. If you can not or will not get alone with God and seek Him for His wisdom and thoughts or commands then why bother even caring about the situation in the first place. God knows what is going on.

    This may be just a way to drive you to your knee's in prayer over this in the first place.
    That is all I am going to say.
    God Bless
    Cturtle likes this.
  5. "For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat." - 2 Thessalonians 3:10. I see it as God saying there's so much you can do to help the dependent. Once you've given all the help you need, you need to let them learn for themselves.
  6. Please understand that I didn't say you were being selfish because you are not inclined to help your sister. I said it because of your OP in general. Your happiness is being defined by what people do or do not do around you. Like I said, this shows that you are very much alive and living for you, not surrendered to Christ. I see that as the problem.
  7. You hit the nail on the spot. Let's look at this technically:

    Prior to my relationship: The balance in my life was much better. I had 50% of my life for myself - spent my time in the office, read a lot, went to gym. And then there was 30% of time serving in church. And 20% of the time do random acts of kindness like visiting Grandparents, consoling friends.

    In my relationship: It's 70% with my girlfriend. 30% resting because I'm tired.

    Before, it really seemed I was happier because I was serving others while I had 50% of time to myself. Or maybe it's 50% of myself and 50% helping others is the right ratio. We could understand from this that I need to see the 80% with my girlfriend as serving others. Because I'm not drawing as much as the happiness and satisfaction with being with her as I would to.
  8. Brother forget all your figures. Make it easy on yourself and change that to serving and follow Jesus 100%!
    Klub likes this.
  9. Mykuhl, you got to be more specific than that. It's easy to get lost into serving Jesus 100% when I need to know how to change certain things so I can accomplish that. Would serving Jesus 100% be:

    - Spending time in church on Sat and Sun? My church has tons of fellowship and outreach groups on both days.
    - Attending prayer meeting this Wed?
    - Following Jesus but loving whole heartedly 100%, which in this case is my girlfriend which would imply spending Sat and Sun with her and doing whatever she says? I made mention of this that when I do it, I feel trapped.

    Yes, it sounds simple. But for some of us, we come to this forum to get Christ centric comments on one's given circumstances.
  10. Then read this............
  11. @nijikon relationships are the most important thing to God. We use and abuse Him all the day long with our selfish whims and wishes until we learn respect. If you have the means, help your sister in love. But don't enable her either. God doesn't give us a ferrari because we want it even though He certainly could afford it. As to your unhappiness, it's because you're not focusing on Jesus but on your sister and girlfriend issues. Look upon them with the eyes of God with love and compassion. Seek God's guidance always and when you have peace move forward, if not, stay put. Only God can answer your questions to your satisfaction, so ask Him.
    nijikon likes this.
  12. I am happy to help as much as I can in this matter. I do agree with Fish Catcher Jim's advice. When it comes down to it, it really is up to all of us to seek His face and search His word as to how to live a life pleasing unto Him.

    It can be any or all of the examples that you gave. It really comes down to a heart and will matter. Our Christian life is all about coming to know God. That means surrendering our lives to His lordship, living by faith in Him and keeping His commandments by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. I wish I could give you specifics but doing so would do little good because everything flows out of the above mentioned.
  13. Can i ask....if you have truly forgiven your sister? Because it seems as if the money that you gave to her is still somewhat a sore spot for you?
  14. Hi Will,

    As i read your post.....something that puzzles me is that it seems as if your girlfriend does dominate things right now. How much time is spent doing the things that you enjoy? Does she go with you when you serve at church?

    As it has been said the relatonship is very important to God, and you really do need to get with God and seek Him regarding if this is the right one. But a marriage relationship is about balance...and in my opinon...and i believe it is biblical as well....that the man is the head of the marriage, and no woman should be in control. It should be a joint effort, and joint decisions, but the man should not always have to give in to the wife. And vice versa. There is a delicate balance with God in the center of it all. The man has to learn his place as well as the woman hers. And if the man is always giving in....sometimes he feels unappreciated and starts to resent the woman. This happens with the woman as well. But i encourage you to get with The Father and ask Him to teach you to be the man that He desires you to be as head of the house. There is more to being the head of the house than most people think....there is spiritual responsibilities as well. And you both need to know if you can work together within those parameters

    Something else to think about is what is going to happen in the future if you feel the Holy Spirit leading you in one certain direction....and she does not agree? As the head of the house and more accountable to God...are you going to go her way just to apease her? These are some things that you need to get settled now prior to getting married.

    Just some things to think about.
  15. I don’t see how someone could jump to the conclusion that you’re being selfish. I didn’t get that from reading your post.

    It sounds to me like she got angry when you said you didn’t want to do something. Is this correct? If so, that is a controlling person. If she is making you do everything she wants to do, without caring for your input, then she is the one who is selfish not you.

    Interesting that you keep saying she is beautiful, loving, caring, etc. Could it be that she’s a perfect package, but the chemistry just isn’t there? I have known several people to date others who seem great on paper, but something didn’t click.

    If you’re having doubts, don’t force the relationship. Speak to a Christian married couple in detail or a pastor about your concerns. Try to get an unbiased opinion about your concerns. I did not get that you were selfish from your post, but I could be wrong. If you are feeling a little trapped in the relationship, she just may be a little too needy and involved in your life. That, or maybe your not ready to settle down.

    The number one thing is making sure she is truly devoted to God. Is God number one in her life and can you see so by her actions now? If so, she will treat you wonderfully throughout marriage. Is she familiar with scriptures in the bible regarding husband and wife? Is she willing to implement those daily? Have you two tried premarital counseling at your church?

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