Non-christrian Friends

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by jmilly, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. I'm thinking about "dumping" some of my non-Christian friends, but I feel guilty. One friend, Danielle, is just a completely bad influence. I know I'm an adult, and she shouldn't be an "influence" at all, but her interests are different from mine now. For instance, I recently stayed with her when I was visiting her city. I drink socially, but Danielle drinks to excess, blacking out nearly every time. She insisted we "get drunk" and said I need to "lighten up" when I was trying to politely decline. I just don't think you need to get wasted to have fun. She also sleeps around, and is a complete hypocrite about it. She gets mad at the guy she likes for going on a DATE with someone else (he and Danielle aren't even a couple) and meanwhile she is sleeping and dating different guys. I know I'm not perfect either, but I guess these things have really been starting to stand out to me and have started to make me not want to be around her. I'm afraid I'm becoming incredibly irritated with her. Some of it doesn't even have to do with the fact that she's a non-Christian, but some do. some of it is just that I just don't share the same values as she does, and there's a lack of respect happening too. For instance, I noticed when I showed up at her apartment, it was a complete pigsty with dirty dishes piled up in the sink. But a few days later a work friend of hers was stopping by before we all went out that night, and she did a thorough cleaning before that friend was supposed to arrive. I didn't get the same courtesy.

    There's also the issue of me starting to think these things. Isn't this "wrong" for me to be thinking this way? Aren't I supposed to love her in a Christian way?

    I don't think I should "dump" her altogether - but maybe limit contact or something.
  2. Even if I wasn't a believer I don't think I'd want to be hanging out with someone that continues to drink to the point of blacking out.

    That girl needs help. Being around someone who is on a destructive path can be dangerous and can put you in dangerous situations.

    Surround yourself with people and activities that will bring you up and not down. In my humble opinion.

    Maybe stay friends via social medias and phone conversations to encourage her to a righteous path, but don't hang out with her. Especially if you know she plans to get wasted/turned out/drunk/tipsy/floozy/scallywag etc.
    jmilly likes this.
  3. Thanks Where. I guess it is hard because this friend is a VERY close friend. we talk all the time. sometimes I just fall into the habit. you know? this is going to be tough. :confused:
  4. We need to be very careful in choosing our friends. We do get influenced even as adults by those who are around us. We want good influences in our lives, friends that build us up and also hold us accountable. It would be in your best interests not to socialise with this friend. Keep in touch, but keep a distance in the hope that you could influence her and help her. Are you involved with a church, because inviting her to go with you would be good.
    jmilly likes this.
  5. Thanks Sal. I will try. Want to hear something funny? When I was in town, i wanted to bring her to a church, but their services tend to go over one hour. they are more like bordering on 2 hours, and I wanted to go to the social time beforehand (they have free coffee and snacks) because I wanted to see some of my friends. She didn't want to, and insisted we go to a Catholic Church that was one hour long. She didn't want to spend 2 hours, and she doesn't even attend church regularly. She has no respect for me or the fact that I had told people I would see them at church, and that made me irritated because I had it planned weeks in advance and I was really looking forward to going to that church. Ugh. just thinking about it irritates me.
    So my point is that i think she has so little respect for me, how can I help her and influence her?
  6. Yes irritating. It would be good to remain firm telling her you have already planned and stick to that. Also i think some people will try to deter you away if they are not of the same spirit. She can probably see differences and a change in you that is for the better. Many people don't like to see that and will try to bring you down to their level. I'd keep doing what your doing, it sounds like you have a great community and social network at your church.
  7. I suppose I should've stood up for myself more. I think i just wanted to avoid an argument at the time.
  8. Don't worry, i've done it so many times myself and i've always kicked myself after. It's taken time for me to be more assertive and i'm still not even quite there yet , but i'm getting there.
  9. I think with this friend, she gets really really whiny and irritating when you try to assert what you want to do. It's pretty manipulative actually.
  10. College groups are usually pretty short. In my area there is a church called bayside and they have a college group that does a service where it's only about 45 minutes or so, and part of that is music..
  11. That's good to know! but I'm not in college any more, and the particular church I wanted to go to (my former church) doesn't have those short services. it wasn't really something we were considering that day. in fact I had planned in advance to meet my friends at church, the 2 hour one, so it was supposed to be a special thing for me that day.
    The sad thing is this friend still whined and complained about it even after I was clear about how I told people I would be there. she didn't care.
  12. She must be from Tennessee. I've learned from this forum that people from Tennessee whine a lot. ;)
  13. Hey...why insult Tn. folks? This lady don't need to hear your cultural propaganda nor be drawn into you bitterness towards those who reject your false ideas. She came on this sight looking for Godly advice and fellowship and you bring her into your twisted world view? You should be ashamed!

    And on the topic of the thread.. If God is not working with you to bring your friend in the truth...maybe it is time to put some distance between you guys? Maybe just for a while until a door of faith opens up for your friend... if you know what I mean?
  14. Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. (Proverbs 13:20 NLT)

    I've been a fool, it's more rewarding to associate with the wise. Tell her how you feel, share the gospel, and stand firm on the word of God. If she rejects Him, she'll reject you as well.

    If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. (Matthew 10:14 NLT)

    Then he said to the disciples, “Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me. And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me. And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.” (Luke 10:16 NLT)
    jmilly likes this.
  15. Thanks gonefishing
    these quotes from scripture are helpful. thanks :)

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