Newbie to the site needs advice and prayers

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Charlie68, Jul 15, 2007.

  1. Newbie to the site needs advice and prayers

    Well, I would make the background info short, but that's hard to do. My wife and I have been married 10 years as of This past 5th. We met 11 years ago at a local bar, ended up having a child 11 months later and married shortly thereafter. Going into the marriage she was/ is a strong Christian woman of faith and insisted we attend church regularly. At the time, I was not a Christian. I had attended church when I was a boy, but had slipped away just prior to my teens. Anyway,4 years later I was baptized into Christ. During our marriage, communication has been a problem. I am not the biggest talker, and that is a big priority for my wife. I knew this was an issue, but apparently was oblivious to the large scale of it. We go out on a date occasionally and our sex life has been very good.
    Now, this past fall, we purchased a commercial property for her business which had outgrown our home. I was in need of some repairs that I could not do, so we had 2 or 3 carpenters do them for us. One of the men she
    had known previously and did good work. What i did not know, or understand in conversation, was that they had dated some before we had met. Well, come January my wife became quickly more distant from me and for a while would hardly speak to me or let me even touch her. She said talking to this man had brought her feelings of attraction she had not felt from me for quite some time. She has sworn to me that there was never anything physical between them. We tried a counselling session and was not pleased with the counselor, but even then and to this day she says all they did was have conversation. I know for years that I have neglected my wife's greatest need for company and conversation from me. I do believe her when she says she has not committed, because I know that she would leave me before she would have relations with another man. She says she still is having a hard time getting past the feelings for this man even though she does not see or talk to him. She also says that she has no feelings for me and doesn't know if she will again.
    Needless to say, I am devastated by this revelation and it has consumed me and my thoughts. I pray constantly during the day, and she has prayed also. We have prayed about it on a couple of occasions, but most of the time she doesn not feel like praying together with me about it.
    I am sorry for the long, rambling post, but I need to release some of the pain I am feeling to sympathetic ears. Please offer prayers and advice for a wounded soul.....
  2. Hi, Charlie.
    I know you must feel heart broken.
    We reap what we sow and though I am not saying you are a bad person, in any sense at all, I am saying you have seen your own faults.

    May I suggest what I feel to be your only choice at this point?
    Focus on God.
    You are praying but do more than ask of the Lord~
    Give something back.
    If I were you I would go to a church just for spiritual support.
    Become the best Christian you can be!

    You HAVE to put God first, even before your marriage.
    Trust then that God will work it all out and remember, he does it HIS way and in HIS time!
    There is always hope.

    In the meantime, compliment your wife, ask her how she's doing, try to talk about only possitive things!
    It may not be what you feel like doing under the circumstances but you do have to do something 'different' and drastic.
    Bless you,
  3. Hi Charlie, I would have to agree with Violet. Stay focused on God, but I would just add, surprise her with some flowers and maybe a romantic dinner. If there is any chemistry between you still it should shine through. Also as Violet stated communication is very important. My prayers go out to you both.
  4. I am so sorry for your pain Charlie68 and zI will be praying for your situation- all the above advice is great- draw near to God, ask Him for wisdom, spread as much love over the situatuin as possible. Your wife was indeed deceptive with you and has probably had some of these thoughts for a while and not said anything- if it were me I would begin persuing withbride with the same zeal I did when we first started going out and if by God's grace your marriage is restored and healed I would never stop the romancing- I know it may be difficult when your heart is wounded but love is truly the best medicine- I pray in Jesus Name that God will soften both of your hearts ,do a miracle in your relationship and be glorified in both of your lives- your brother Larry
  5. Thank you all for the kind words, advice and prayers. If there is one positive of all this, it is that I have drawn nearer to God. The drawback is my wife has withdrawn somewhat. I do try to be positive whenever we are together, but she is going to need time if our realtionship os going to heal. She has told me that I am now doing many of the things she has needed over the years and she appreciates it, but she doesn't know if the old feelings for me will come back. Please keep my wife(Tammy) and I in your prayers. I pray for strenghth and patience every day, but sometimes I am overcome by the negative feelings and thoughts that the evil one plants in me. My love for my wife never waivers, it is my faith and trust in her that sometimes leaves me that i struggle with..... Thank you again

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