Never Will Heal

Discussion in 'New Members Welcome' started by laura paskalis, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. Good afternoon,

    i have been praying to god for wisdom and healing...maybe he has sent me here to recive some. So here it goes i meet my soul mate 10 years ago..Herbert he loved to drink and get high back then i bartended so it was really not a big deal 07 we decided to have a baby together and star a family during this time he said he was tried of drinking and wanted to stop ,during my pregancy he went to prison for dwi ,he went to prison for a year i stood by his side and took our baby there on weekends to vist him..when he got out he contunied to drink he goes on binges where he can drink till next day or go for days ..we begin to fight alot then tis is when he started hiiting me i would want to talk to him he would tell me later than he would go to bed and blow up cause i would not shut up once he draged me by my hair and had my daughter watch as he kicked me he always told me he was sorry and i caused it cause of my suckie attudie,,,anyways we made it thru that then i found out he was cheating on me and the other woman would come to our house around my daughter while i was at work ,,when i found out he swore on our dAUGHTERS LIFE he would never leave us and she was dirty and would not let her destory our family...for three years he bounced back in forth between us the other woman has called me laughing saying he only loves her ..i became pregant with our 2 daughter durning this time i had to go back to N.Y for the funral when i came home herbert was not there the next day he returned home to tell me she was pregant and she told him if he did not leave us he would not be allowed to see there baby too find out she was never pregent to begin with,,she called me and told me that he did not want our 2nd child. Herbert and i have tried to work on our family many times but he always retunes to her..the last time he left me and our childeren he left us with no income ,,,he never came to see girls and did not even call our daughter on her b-day...he reurned home again but this time he had said he was at work and the other woman called me and told me they just left a hotelroom and thet had sex and he kissed and her and told her he loved her,,she also said she didnt want him and she did not care if he lived or died...our relationship after wa very violent i became angry and hateful i kept asking him to leave he at first refused one night i threw a water bottle at him and told him to leave he did he moved in with his parents...his mother use to watch our daughter;s while i was at work i went to pick them up ...when i did she said if my son(15 and from my first marraige) molasted my girls she would put me and my son in prison i told her how could she say that about my son this made her blow off in return she headbutted me in my face in front of my daughters and told me i was my fault for her son's actions if i would not yell he would not hit or leave me...even after all this i still hoped in my heart that we could work things out for our family a month has past and i have found out he is back with the other woman...he swore he did not love it god's blessing that they love each he wants us to friends and let her around my childeren he has who he is with does not matter,,this woman slept in my bed while i was buring my grandfather and she told me she knew and did not care she loved him,,,,,how do i save myself from a life time of pain ,,,how do i just say ok and allow them to play house with my girls he left us before with no money or car just be with her....she has laughed at me and rubbed there love in my face for years,,,there was a time when she had her 8 year old son call me cring cause herbert hit her tring to kiss do i heal was it my fault did my anger puch him away is god cursing me for holdimg anger and eney in my heart ,,have i been blocking there love all these years..i am so broken i can never be fixed,,now i will have to watch them build a life together,,how could god allow us to be in this situation,,here in the state of texas if the father keeps the kids i can not file kidd napping charges this why i told him he can not see them till i get a court order i have never left my kids side i found away out of no way and i am suppose to forgive and be happy for them and trust them with my kids (4 years and 1) why do i have to carry this cross..have i angered god did he see her more fit to be with him and me as unworthy ,,,please help me i can not go forward and after all this i still love him
  2. Laura,

    I am sorry you are feeling so much pain. Pain and confusion can be absolutely debilitating; I know this from personal experience! I can only imagine the struggles you are going through right now and the confusion you feel. Please know that my comments below are meant to be taken in a sisterly fashion. I am in no way condemning you; only telling you the truth with the main desire in my heart being to see you get back into right relationship with God.

    Initially, three things come to my mind:
    1. You are in this situation because of a series of and years of choices, good, bad or indifferent;
    2. God is not to blame for your being in this situation; and MOST IMPORTANTLY,
    3. God wants you to commit to HIM first before any other commitments, no matter what.

    Trust me when I say these three things:
    1. You are not the sum of your mistakes;
    2. You are not what you've done in the past; and MOST IMPORTANTLY,
    3. His grace is bigger than any fear you have and He is nearer to you than you are far away from Him - if that makes sense.

    What you are is His child. He wants you to return to Him with your whole heart, not just to fix the here and now. He wants more than anything to have a relationship with you, not like any other relationship you have ever experienced. He wants to love you so completely and unconditionally that you desire only His love and so you will know what real love is. But, He won't force His love on you or His ways.

    From what you are telling us here, Herbert is abusive: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not only to you, but to your children, to the other woman, and her children. My dear, as their mother, you have the distinct obligation to protect those children, and that's all I will say about that.

    Don't stay where you are (physically or spiritually) just because it is what you are used to. Also, recognize in yourself the pattern and propensity to return to what you are used to, and realize that if you keep doing the same things, keep returning to the same place, you can expect the same outcome.

    As far as blessing their relationship, God blesses those whom He chooses to bless and can do anything, of course, but blessing an un-godly relationship is not, IMHO, in His character. Among many other attributes, God is a holy and righteous God who has made provision for our relationship with Him through His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, and CANNOT be un-holy. He expects our behavior to be modeled after His example. The Bible tells us that even Jesus, God incarnate and the Son of God, made God the Father the center of His life. And, from what you've posted, God is nowhere near the center of Herbert's life.

    You are not too far that He can't reach you, and He will do anything and everything to get your attention, kindof like a mother will do to alert their child to a potential threat, such as getting ran over by a car, or burned by a fire. I bet you'd admit that you'd do anything to keep your child from purposefully putting their hand in a fire. How much more of a parent is God? Perhaps, as your Father, He has decided that it is not Herbert you are to be with?

    Above all else, seek God. Daily, make the decision to work on your relationship with Him. Daily, read the Bible and pray about everything - waiting on His answer. And, find a church and go. Go as much as you can. The Bible tells us that He doesn't desire from you the ultimate in sacrifices, perfect church attendance, a perfect life, a perfect example, or constant, unwavering faith. But, He does desire a relationship with you. What kind of relationship you two will have will be up to you.

    Much love in Christ, sister, as you travel this bumpy road and seek His will for your life. He is not hard to find. He will not run from you. Call His name and He will run to you.
    laura paskalis, KingJ and Rumely says Amen and like this.
  3. I was particularly struck by the fact that you called him your "soulmate", then went on to describe his behavior of hurting, humiliating, cheating on, and taking advantage of you. That's not what a "soulmate" does. This man loves only himself. He doesn't love you, his children, or even his mistress. I'm sure he has some charming attributes, which is what attracted you to him in the first place. Charles Manson had some charming attributes as well. I remember reading a book written by one of his former followers how he had such bright, beautiful eyes, for instance. But, he was a homicidal maniac.

    I don't believe God is cursing or punishing you by allowing these things to happen. I believe these things are happening because Herbert is harboring evil in his heart. As long as you associate with him, you are going to be on the receiving end of his evil. You need to get free from his influence.
    laura paskalis and covered_by_grace say Amen and like this.
  4. A personal advice:
    · We do not live by bread alone…. we need to read our bible as well…
    · Try to read John or Romans… or try to google bible verses on faith, worry, etc.
    · It will surely help you a lot! : )

    I am not a psychologist but I as I see it:
    · You are strong woman indeed …but everybody needs love! you, me, everyone….
    · But be careful, what we might see as “love” may actually be a parasitic love: you need him to fill you up!
    · as I said, we all need love! but think about the kids and the good role model they need to look up to….your kids love you!

    Now, my definition of love….it may be lovey-dovey definition of love… but I am serious : )

    · Love is seeking to love God… that is: to grow spiritually for ourselves and the other people we love, our children, our spouses, parents, etc….
    · Love is more than emotion…Love is a deliberate act of the will….
    · Love your enemies, the greatest teacher of all, Jesus, taught us.
    · If love is an emotion: it is difficult to imagine possible…
    · If love is a deliberate act of the will: it is possible…

    Again, we do not live by bread alone…. we need to read our bible as well…

    Happy reading the bible then and God bless us all ! : )
    laura paskalis likes this.
  5. Sorry to hear, that is a terrible story. Definitely not your fault and God can and will definitely heal you if you give Him the chance.

    Since he cheated, don't you have more right to hold onto your kids? He will probably prefer you to look after them as he has other kids with other woman?

    His dis-respect for you started when he cheated. With no respect comes the hitting. This is when you should have looked for a job and filed for divorce. I don't think his other relationships will ever work, how can anyone ever trust him...or him ever trust whom he is with. Such a bad circle.
    covered_by_grace and laura paskalis say Amen and like this.
  6. Hello, i just wanted to thank you all for taking the time out of your day to read my story. I went back too look at it and it just all ran together so it must have been hard to make sense of it. I am moving my daughter's to a new home it is smaller but it will be more affordable, we have alot of healing to do. For years i have been told that it was me who caused these things ,if i would just keep my mouth shut it would have worked out, i am seeing i do not need to carry the blame. Also i am asking GOD to forgive me for wanting him to love us more than herbert and the woman who was so willing to come into my home and sleep in my bed it is not my place to ask GOD not to love any of his childern. Too all of you ,,you will be blessed ,too take time and show love to someone you never meet before is truly a gift,,,i have not been shown love for a very long time and have felt worthless. It means very much to me ,i have alot of soul searching to do , for now i have told Herbert that there will no contact between us, i will not allow people who have hurt us in are life at this moment, he made his choice @ king j the son of his girlfriend is not his but he does more for him than our daughter's guess love makes people do crazy things..THANK YOU AGAIN...i will never forget all of your kindness
  7. I will keep you in my prayers. Sounds like you are wiser than you give yourself credit for. Stay in His Word, sister, and try to find a church. Blessings to you and your girls!!
    laura paskalis likes this.

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