Need Some Advice...(ques On Attraction)

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Jake, Jul 30, 2012.

  1. Greetings everyone :)

    Hope you have all been well, been a while since I've posted here! Anyway ill try to keep it short and to the point. Ill ask the question straight away and i guess this question can be aimed @ married couples, people engaged or in a serious relationship.

    Is physical attraction to the person your dating (or a better word would be getting to know), a necessary thing?

    I know for a fact that it shouldn't be the "only" thing, however i ask this because I have been hanging out with a few Christian girls over the last few months and just purely and hang out thing, no serious getting to know each other kinda questions. So you could say we're just friends....

    And whilst doing this as always I have kept God in the picture, praying and asking him to guide and show me and if its his will to open the door in order to proceed with a more serious friendship etc etc. I seriously hope I ain't missing anything here because God is giving me these opportunities and so far to be honest i haven't been physically attracted to any of these girls sadly.



    I do remember quite a few preachers preach on this topic saying -"The reason many of you are not married and are still single is could be because you might be looking for the wrong thing in a partner".

    As the Bible teaches us clearly that Beauty is in vain and doesn't last - Proverbs 31:30
    and a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

    Now these young women I've met are deeply in love with God for sure, of that I'm certain. BUT on the flip side if marriage is to last attraction does play an important part doesn't it??? I mean you wouldn't want to marry someone who your not attracted to right??

    Putting myself in this context - Well maybe they are just meant to be friends and it isn't the right time for God to favor me with a wife. I don't know but im praying and asking God to shine his wisdom on this area of my life..

    Any thoughts people of God??

  2. I mean the last thing I want is God giving me these opportunities and open doors and me blowing it one after the other just for the sake of attraction.

    Where do you draw the fine line here?? Please help :/
  3. Haha Jake. Many men would like to be in your situation :).

    I think it is because you are close to the Lord and are not looking at these woman with your lustful flesh. Paul does say you are more spiritual if you don't get married.

    Don't push the issue unless you feel you are ready for marriage and want a wife. If so, make up your mind about the kind of wife you want (usually similar to our mothers ;)) and you will see one of them as a target and extremely attractive. Looks are important, but for me, knowing that she will make a good mother to my kids and look after me if I am sick is more attractive.
    Bonnie likes this.
  4. There's one thing my Pastor advised me and that was; He personally believed two people coming together is not a earthly thing, that their is some element of Spirituality and Heavenly-doing involved. He also said, you'll notice you tend to see this person a lot more, you both enjoy your conversations and each others presence. Then she makes it easier for you to talk to her and know that something can happen & Vice Versa.
    There is also some level of attraction...attraction does not have to do with physical looks, Attraction as to do with energies. It can be the way the lady your interested i smiles, chooses her colors, laughs, talks or even her choice of perfume, it can be the way she says some certain words or her deep Love for God.

    Also if you see these as chances been presented to you by God, then they are. (Same Pastor once preached that God is not a God of green light, that he is a God of red lights; meaning: You can go ahead and do t if you feel its right because you are always led by God, Always! If its something you are not meant to do, he'll stop it from happening through a sign or some means) So I will say go ahead, you are already being led so the chances are there for you to take them ;)

    Keep being Led by the Holy Spirit....
  5. Thanks for the replies guys - Very interesting insight right here....
    Like you said KingJ - Finding a wife can be a tricky and a risky business but being led by the spirit is the ONLY way to go like you said Opeyemi :)



    Personally i don't feel that im pushing myself to get married, its just this natural need that God has placed in my heart (similar to most of you people out here) that just needs to be filled. Only God can fill it with the right woman for me, hence why im trying to learn as much and work with God so that he can work in me.

    I don't think I have really had a good think about the kind of wife I want - I mean Ive probably just skimmed the surface you know things like (she's got to be nice, good natured, close to God) etc. Haven't gotten any deeper into it although I know what i want :)


    Opeyemi - You have also opened my mind to the word Attraction- Ive been 1 dimensional with this thinking for a long time thinking and hence entertaining the idea that it only pertains to external or physical attributes. Maybe its because Ive never experienced something like it before (a proper relationship), so I don't know what Ive experienced in regards to attraction. This is getting kinda deep and complicating!!

    Please pray for me guys!! I really need a wife :D (Im serious)

    God BLess
  6. I need to disagree with this statement, as I believe it is in error. I understand you are probably being hyperbolic in saying this, but it isn't true if you take it as is. Attraction has a LOT to do with the physical appearance, though it should be of the face and not the body. The countenance of a woman is extremely influencial, and I think you are downplaying or ignoring a major ingredient of chemistry. Do I agree that attraction itself is more than just physical? absolutely. Does that mean the physical appearance plays no part in attraction? No.

    That said, I think physical attraction is something that will inevitably grow no matter who you choose. The more you are attracted to her spiritually, the more that will make her countenance shine, and I believe that in turn will actually chemically change your brain to see her differently. Take it as a rule of life: anybody can potentially be physically attracted to anything.
    KingJ and Jake say Amen and like this.
  7. Its really cool that you write this just on saturday, because I was chatting to this girl on Friday night and to just hear about her love/commitment and passion for God was something that challenged me to think a whole lot differently on attraction. I agree physical attraction is important but its got to do with A LOT more than that.

    WOW I was really touched this weekend, thanks to all you guys for praying over here, I know this has helped heaps. Really appreciate this!!

    God Bless
  8. If a woman is good on the inside, she will make herself presentable / attractive outwardly too. The two go together. Even ugly or fat woman can dress and put effort in to be more presentable and attractive. Woman don't have an excuse. Woman that are not attractive are mostly lazy or don't respect themselves to put in the effort to appear more presentable. I have seen very attractive poor woman.

    I read a muslim prayer that woman are to read to their husbands when they get married. It was funny to read that they promise to bath daily, if they can't they will use perfume. So much emphasis on constantly being presentable / attractive to their husbands. This is an important discussion imho.
  9. Great argument there KingJ, yes if she's good on the inside that makes her attractive both ways which is always a win!! :)

    God says that he will give us the desires of our hearts when we seek him with all our hearts and minds. Within the context of his word, I think that that scripture is more than enough to trust him that he will give us what we desire ultimately provided that it is a sensible decision too.. Amen!!
  10. What if Im not attracted to men of my own that normal? Well. I have had relationships with Filipino guys before...ive been hurt and was being played at. Maybe thats why I decided not to date another guy here. Hehe!
    Oh? Interesting...if I dont get married, that means, I am more spiritual? I wanted to get married...but yes if God doesnt allow that to happen then maybe it is not for me? I can be happy for myself and with my own group of friends, as I am looking not for anyone to complete me , but rather to complement me. :)
    calvin likes this.
  11. God does not see colour / race, nor should we. If someones culture is not Christian it is an issue!

    You would be more spiritual if you could discipline your flesh to 'truly' not desire passion / earthly companion, but you clearly do, so like MOST of us you are not as spiritual as Paul :).

    Understand that God is not deaf or dumb. If you want to get married He will do His best. He will send guys your way that you like. Just watch out because the devil also knows you are looking!! So judge the guy properly! If he does not love Jesus he is NOT!! from God's house! God can only ''control'' His children that give Him control.

    When I was looking for a wife I needed to clean 'my house' properly!, first. It is so easy for us to get trapped in un-Godly relationships that delay God sending us the right person.
    Jake likes this.
  12. But how can God send me the right person when I dont go out a lot? And meeting guys on dating sites doesnt work for me as well because the guys are only looking for a girl to get laid...I stopped going out to the bars long ago because I dont have good experiences with meeting guys there. Im just relying on God to just do some miracle in my life in sending me the right person. Besides, I dont get why I am not even seeing guys here attractive. Someone please pray for me on this? :(
  13. Most I know including myself met at church meetings.

    Just keep looking with your spiritual eyes. Physical attraction is important but even more so is Christ in you witnessing with Christ in the guy. When the right guy comes you will be attracted! and find the nationality doesn't really matter!

    When I was dumped by the woman I wanted to marry, I got impatient with God and also started dating sites / bars / clubs and stopped going to church. It is actually quite scary how quickly we can go from wanting a Godly marriage to just wanting anyone so that we are simply not alone. It was only when I got right with God and went to church meetings that literally out of the blue a hot gal who loves the Lord comes along. From the first meeting we both just knew we were meant to be :). It is painful though. Those days all alone! Just MAKE certain that you ARE right with God! And then just wait on Him. Yes it is wise to not merely stay at home, go to church and get more involved! God sees your obedience and faithfulness in your position of suffering. Hang in there. It is situations like these that really test ones true faithfulness! If you can hang in there, avoid the wrong guys and wait on God...God will be able to send you the right guy! When we date anyone not from God we are just delaying God sending the right person.

    Starting to have dejavu of the pain of being alone! :( I give you a big internet hug and lots of prayers!
    Jake likes this.
  14. My late GP was stationed over there doing some Government health service stuff. He met a Filipino nurse and they were happily married later returning to Australia. His youngest daughter used to make house calls with him and even had her own little stethoscope...cute. He was Anglican and his wife???well she worshiped at a Filipino Church of some brand or other. Point is, they met at the work place and they were both happy and fulfilled in their marriage.
    You are right to avoid the 'Meat Markets' of social dating. Pray for you? yes it will be a privilege. You might consider posting your prayer request on the appropriate board here as well.
  15. Well thank you my brothers, for your support and advices...its really wonderful to have read your replies and it just uplifts me. Yes I just spend my days with working at a health center, since I am working in the healthcare field also. I encounter a lot of people there from all walks of life...more of the low-level of the society since I work for the government. I never lose hope though...
  16. Hey Jake,

    I am a few months late reading your post. I hope you are doing fine now.

    However, I'd still love to contribute to this thread.

    In case you don't know, spouse attraction is probably men's #4 (#1 is s*x) need in a marriage, according to a research.

    I guess it is normal for a man to expect spouse attraction in a marriage.

    Being in a relationship is not only about falling in love. It is also about staying in love.

    When you have a very beautiful girlfriend today, you'll love her. No doubt.

    What if she becomes fat and her body figure is getting out of shape when she married you and gave birth to a child? Would you still love her?

    In my opinion, it is a choice to love.

    Now, let's talk about the differences between a man and a woman in general.

    Men are usually visually attracted with things that are beautiful and nice. Women are no exception to them. When you, as a man, look at a girl, you'll usually be attracted to her outward appearance first. This is what happens to me personally and of course, there will always be exceptions.

    For women, they really don't care about how you look. Have you ever seen a hot chick going out with a big, fat and ugly man? Have you ever wondered why? You may say it is because of the wealth the fat guy has. But.. women love to be treated with affection and loved. That's why, according to the same research I mentioned above, women's #1 need is affection.

    When you know what women want, you will last in both your relationship and marriage.

    Jake likes this.
  17. Hey Clement,

    Thank-you for the interesting input there. Yes I would have to agree with you that loving someone is a choice although attraction on the other hand isn't a choice.

    If put this way when you truly love someone you learn to accept them and love them for who they are, their personalities, attributes, physical, emotional, mental etc etc.

    Attraction on the other hand as many see it like this: When you meet a girl, she can either be attracted to you physically or not. And the same applies to the boy when he meets the girl huh. Now i think that if this 1st stage doesn't happen then there may not in most cases be a chance for stage 2 unless ofcourse the boy and the girl just want to remain friends.

    Now if attraction occurs, stage 2 can begin with really starting to know the person and learning to love and appreciate the way they are etc. Again like you said there are exceptions, I have seen many couples that have good looking partners and just NOT happy whatsoever, but then again you see the opposite - so this becomes a choice like you said :)

    Hope I didn't confuse anyone lol

    Bottom line here's what I believe. His word tells us that when we seek after his kingdom he gives us the desires of our hearts Amen! God knows what we want & only he, ONLY HE can and will provide :)

    God Bless
  18. confused...I feel like I wont ever meet my match! Celibacy, here i come...YEAHBAHHH!
  19. Are you saying there are no Christian single guys over where you are?
  20. Hi Jake and Abie:

    I used to be single too. And I was actively looking for my wife.

    And yes, she's the most beautiful girl on this planet. 9 years into marriage, she still is. One pregnancy later (out of shape and and back in shape), some grey hair (and me going bald), she's still the most beautiful women I know.

    And she loves the Lord more than she loves me. I find this single fact also very attractive. We regularly shares our quiet time with each other, how the Lord spoke to us and gave us promises and mold us to become more like Christ.

    I also hanged out with a lot of Christian girls at out church. They were cool and nice, but none took my breath away. Then it was time to move on to a new church, because of my work. In the new church, there very very few girls my age. It was almost a culture shock, with so little people my own age. Yet in that church with lots of old people, I found my wife.

    My wife, just at that point, got back in church after some years 'traveling'. She realized that she will not find the type of friends that she wants at bars and dance clubs. Well, she was looking for new friends, and the Lord gave us to each other.

    Fairground Attraction has an old song "Perfect".

    "It's got to be perfect,
    It's got to be worth it.
    Too many people take second best,
    but I won't take anything less.
    It's got to be perfect."

    I didn't settle for second best, and I would advise that you shouldn't too.

    Jake likes this.

Share This Page