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Need Prayers

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Janine, Jun 13, 2013.

  1. My husband and I have been together for 34 years. He is 65 and I am 52.
    Over the last couple of years I spent over half of our savings and lied to him about the account balance to cover it up.
    In September 2012, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer which was too large to operate on and so I had to have radiation and chemo. My husband never left my side through all of that. After 2 months of treatment, the cancer was gone. Praise God!
    In March my husband went to the bank, made a withdrawal and found out the account was way short of what I had told him. I confessed to him that I had been spending it. He was furious and I don't blame him. He told me things would be different. He immediately took over all of the finances.
    Last month I had a follow up appointment out of town. He wanted me to tell one of the counselors why I didn't seem to be happy about the prospects of surviving cancer - so I told her about spending the money. My husband made a difinitive statement to her - "It's over between us. I am moving on." That was the first I had heard about it. I was crushed, even more.
    Then, 4 days after that I get a phone call from a women (my sisters' sister-in-law),I'll call her Sue. She proceeds to tell me that my husband told her that there had been no love in our relationship for over 10 years. Again, that was the first time I had heard this.
    Meanwhile, my husband and I are continuing on in a very hurt and cold manner. Then he tells me he is done with me forever and will be dating other women, the first of which is Sue, who he had already been dating.
    He said that we would continue to stay married, and that I could have the house and widows pension and I would still be entitled to the health insurance. He said that as long as he was able to date the Sue, he would stay and we could kinda hang out, since I was willing to help him try to recoup the money I spent.
    I hurt him badly, lost him, apparently many years ago, and I am suffering horribly over all of it.
    He did forgive me 2 weeks ago, but our circumstances remained the same.
    Whenever he talks to the Sue on the phone, I do my best not to be anywhere around. He realized that it was torturing me when he talked to his girlfriend while I was around and now has decided it would be best if he moves out and closer to her. If it's possible, I am crushed even more.
    I have and will always love him. I don't want to live without him or share him. I understand that I don't deserve him anymore. I guess what I need most is Prayers.
    I made a vow to him that I would never leave him and that I would always love only him. I consider it to be a binding vow under God. I don't want to step through the gate without him. I am a person of low self esteem and very insecure. I get attached deeply. I still cry over loosing our dog 13 years ago. Only God is going to get me through this.
     
  2. Sounds to me that your husband is in the wrong not you. Are you in Church? Getting counseling with your Pastor? Reading the Bible? Are you both 'saved' Christians?

    Will pray for you.

    Anywhere near North Valley Baptist Church?

    http://nvbc.org/index.php
     
  3. I am not sure that God wants me to "point fingers". So will have to trust him to "fix" the situation according to His will.

    I am currently looking for a new church and a Christian counselor. I read the Word and we are both born again Christians.

    Thank you for your prayers.
     
  4. Janine:

    Sounds like you guys both did wrong, but that the wrongs are apples and oranges. You know you shouldn't have lied; well, that can be in the past.

    He shouldn't be chasing the Sue lady. Period.

    You guys need to make each other happy, and try to do so, despite each others grievances that are, or were, real enough.

    Prayer and Scripture need to be a joint part of your daily lives, too, and not just separately and individually. (I do wonder how far his prayers are going if he is simultaneously chasing the Sue lady...).

    (PS: If the Sue lady goes to a Bible believing church, she could sure use some advice about not stealing someone else's dh.)
     
  5. Sounds like a hard situation all around. I don't have the perfect answer for you. I agree with the comments above about Christian and Pastoral Counseling. However, I just wanted you to know that I was praying for you and your family right now.
     
  6. It's not so much about pointing fingers-but identifying the problem and finding resolution in Christ. If you confessed, asked for forgiveness and repented-you did your part. Don't let the spirit of guilt sugar coat his sin in this. As the the spiritual leader of the home, your husband needs to acknowledge his responsibilities- believer or not.
     
  7. Thank you all for the prayers.

    I am certainly not making any excuses, but you do need to know he is a Vietnam veteran with PTSD.
     
  8. It is an act of love, he still loves you.
    Keeping secret on finances is a betrayal of trust, which your post shows you are truly sorry for.
     
  9. Please seek marriage counselling. What is happening in your marriage is not healthy and I think there are a lot of issues that you aren't aware of here.
     
  10. There are definitely alot of issues going on, as well as poor decisions on both our parts. I have been trying to find a Christian counseler without any success. I will be beginning in a new church soon and seek counsel there. For right now I just need to keep quiet and pray and read His Word in order to survive. Please keep praying for us.
     
  11. Surrender to God and talk to a Church leader. You can't change your past but God can do wonders for both of you. Take it very seriously because now is the time to deal with it. We will pray for a miracle.
     
  12. Amen! Thank you.
     
  13. I truly appreciate all the prayers. I called "Sue" a few weeks ago and found out from her that she had absolutely no intention of having an emotional or sexual affair with my husband. She said that she had made that clear to him from the beginning and was only trying to be a friend for him to talk to. She said that what he considered to be dating was actually 2 brief lunches together and a quick meeting to pass off some lasagne that she had made. We have talked several times since and she kept saying that he had been becoming increasingly suggestive with pillow and sex talks and she would soon have to tell him that she would not talk to him anymore. Apparently, it had all been one sided. He moved out on the 14th - exactly 4 months from the day he found out about the money. He made one very sexual phone call to her and she "ended it". That was Thursday and today he wants to try and form a new relationship with me as long as there wasn't any finger pointing and I don't bring up anything from the past. He also said that he may be moving back in. Also, that I shouldn't expect us to be anything more than friends. He made it clear that he still wants his "private life" and that he would probably be dating. I agreed and have no problem with not to talk to him about the past. However, he has hurt me a lot in the last couple of months and I am having an extremely hard time turning loose of the pain and memories.
    Please pray for me to loose the pain or to turn the hurt into forgiveness and love.
    Also, pray for my husband, that he will "chase after God", so that God will have him chase after me.
    I have tried very hard to saturate myself in prayer and the Word as well as praise and worship. I will be seeing a counselor next week and my husband will very soon as well.
    Thank you and God bless,
    Janine
     
  14. Counseling sounds like the best thing you can do....

    Worship, pray, fast when necessary, read your Bible, Meditate on the Word, fellowship with Bible believing Christians, seek good counsel and repeat. And when you are involved serving in some type of ministry serving God (even if it's helping to clean the church building), you will begin to find joy again.

    Putting you (and your husband) on my prayer list now.
     
  15. Thank you. I am trying to regain my joy, but it is definitely difficult. :unsure:
     

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