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Need marriage advice

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Nothappywife, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. My husband and I have been married 3 yrs together 6 yrs we are both recovering addicts. The day we got married was the day we also got baptized with the church of Christ in San Jose. We have 2 kids 2and 3. I'm a stay at home he's a truck driver. Not long haul. To LA and back. Well he hasn't been the same since the trucking job ad neither have I . I have went through his phone because I had suspicions that something is going on with him and I found some text msgs between him am a co worker about lot lizard (truck stop prostitutes). I confronted him e said they were joking an then I found more text msgs a second time he said sorry they are just joking. I asked him to stop. He never did I found another text msg him asking his friend to look for her at a truck stop. He said it was a joke. I don't believe him at all ever since I've found these msgs I have been giving him grief? The past month. And I've also tried trusting him by going along with him in the truck or I write a journal so I can get these feelings out I my head. But the minute he calls me and tells me he's stuck in LA I'm going crazy..... Because of those text msgs. A few days ago in Monday e told me I'm a disease and he's sick of me and nobody likes me and he wants a divorce. This man makes 12-1300 a week and never leaves me money he takes the only car we have a few miles away parks it and gets in his truck. So me and the kids have no money ever as no car... He wonders why I fuss and complain? Well when he comes home e ways and sleeps we don't go out he hardly plays with the kids and he's mean. He says I need to just let it go. But it's hard. Because I still think something is going on. By the way he has been treating me lately. Very disrespectful... What do I do?
  2. First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. It is a real shame that he is behaving this way. He is trying to shift the blame onto you so that instead of admitting his problem, he can act like you are the one with the problem. The two of you definitely need counseling and he needs to be straightened out by a godly man he respects (if there is one in his life).

    Does your pastor know about your situation?
  3. All them issues that you spoke of can be worked through except for maybe one and that is the lot lizzards. Texting them is one thing but if he layed with one then I'd have to move on and enjoy the child support he would be paying.
  4. I hear your frustration. It's a horrible place when you are feeling "Downtrodden" and unappreciated.

    One thing I might offer.....
    Instead of focusing on all the things that *YOU* can't change - focus on the things that you personally have control over....
    The blessings that God has already given you in your life....
    The areas in your own life that God has given you stewardship over....
    See... When you put your focus on all of the things "Out There" - Other people, Situations and decisions you can't do anything about, etc - You actually give them ALL the control of your life... You put your happiness and contentment into the hands of others outside of yourself... and when that happens - when you wait on other people to make you happy... You will be miserable....

    When you think and act like you are simply adrift and everybody else around you is pushing all the buttons.... that's actually what happens because you refuse to recognize all of the blessings and opportunities that God has given you....

    For example...
    Blessings you DO have....
    You have some wonderful kids
    You do have a husband who loves you
    You have a house
    You have food
    The bills are getting paid
    and a lot more......

    So... What can you do?
    Pray... Thank the Lord.. Bless the Lord...
    Seek God's wisdom and contentment in your life....

    Get involved with other mature, God fearing women in your church.... A good place to start with this is getting involved with the Women's fellowship at your church... I guarantee that someone there will be willing to give you a ride....

  5. Thank you and I do try getting involved with my church woman groups a lot of them are busy but a few of them have been coming over and sitting and talking with me. My husband talks to one of the ladies from our San Jose congregation all the time everyday and vents to her about me and me this and me that. And she will call me and not even have a solution for me but a lot of suggestions on what I need to do change. She always has my husbands side.. And that is not cool at all. I feel like this man has crippled me and he keeps messing with me even though he says he's done with me. It hurts... I'm hurting
  6. Though there could be good advices coming here, the best person to deal this situation might be your local Church pastor.
    xspinningisfun likes this.
  7. From what you've said, your husband's not being faithful to his marriage vows. You can't change that. If anyone can change your husband's heart, God can.

    My wife and I have been married over 25 years. The 3 year mark was a difficult one for us. We were headed down separate paths, but God brought us back together.

    My recommendations for you:
    1) Devote yourself to daily prayer, asking God for 3 things: that he will encourage and transform you through his word, that he will produce in you the fruit of the spirit, and that he will convict your husband of his sins and lead him to repentance.
    2) Devote yourself to reading the Bible daily. If you're not sure where to start, begin with Proverbs and read one chapter a day.
    3) At the end of each day, write three things in your journal that you are grateful for, and one thing that went well that day.

    Loving God, draw near to my sister in Christ and heal her wounded heart and her broken marriage. Wrap her in your arms of love, give her your peace, give her your strength, and show her you are worthy of her trust.
    xspinningisfun likes this.
  8. Do you think the reason he turns to "lot lizards" might be a lack of intimacy between you?

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