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Need Advice / Opinions !!!

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by Lillysanders, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. Me and my bf have been together for 9 months, we were both saved 3 weeks ago. I am now 5 months pregnant and he has told me that God doesn't want him to be with me. Although he wants to be there for the child, he says he has no choice in being with me. If we both love each other, we're happy and were BOTH saved why would god want to separate a family??? Not meaning to question god but just really need advice.

    Also I think it is wrong for the child to have to go back and forth for weekly visitation . I want a stable mother & father household for my child

    He says that god has laid this on his heart and that he will obey his word. I have tried to explain that a family doesn't have to be a married couple. It is our child, a mother and a father. He says that it doesn't matter bc god only dislikes divorce and that we are not married therefore he isn't counted against for it, also saying that when the baby was conceived that we were living in sin and that god had no plan and no hand in the making of my child..... I'm interpreting as he is saying our child is a mistake? All babies are a blessing from god.

    I would love advice and opinions from anybody !
     
  2. Lilly,
    You asked for opinions. I'll give you mine, but I will be direct. I will give you my opinion based on my experiences and then something I felt the Lord press upon me upon my baptism a few years back.
    A little background first. I lived my life as the quintessential double-minded christian for decades. I found I was no christian at all. I became a christian through baptism into a covenant and relationship with Christ that I see now demands obedience. I came from a family who all claim christianity and yet use God as an excuse to commit sin without end, leaving a trail of devastation behind them then go to church and praise God.
    Because of my past experience as a psuedo-christian and witnessing the hypocrisy I grew up with, I'll tell you now I believe your boyfriend is using God to further his selfishness.
    When Christ calls our name the first evidence we have that we heard Him is acknowledgement. Any relationship we have with Him then is evidenced by obedience or the lack thereof. The obedience is then evidenced through confession followed by repentence(baptism). Now, with that said, here is where I feel the church falls down on spiritual instruction. What I'm talking about is atonement. I'm not talking about the Atonement of Christ. Of course His sacrifice for our sins is sufficient toward our atonement to God.
    No. What I am talking about is the most unsavory task of our walk here and to try, with all our heart, to atone to those we wronged. If people would atone to those they wronged then the world would be such a better place and I believe, as followers of Christ, we are called to do this very thing.
    Now how does this apply to you and your boyfriend? You both lived in sin. You both acknowledged Christ when He called your names. You both came into confession and repentence. At least I hope you have both stopped living in sin. Sex is no game and now you see the immense consequences. Do you understand the huge responsibility placed upon you to pick the right daddy for your children? Better yet. Do you now understand how important it is for a person to wait upon the Lord when seeking a mate?
    Where you and your boyfriend differ is in the atonement for past sins. While you are quite willing to atone to him by marrying him while carrying HIS child and are willing to atone to your illegitimate child by marrying your child's father, your boyfriend is unwilling to atone to you for impregnating you. He is unwilling to atone to HIS child by marrying you.
    Your boyfriend is using God as an excuse to follow his selfishness. Your boyfriend has already begun to drift into disobedience and therefore is moving toward a psuedo-christian existence. If your boyfriend were actually a christian, then love would be his prime motivator. He would be overwhelmingly concerned with you and your child's well-being.
    I don't mean just you and your child's physical well-being. Your boyfriend would and should be overwhelmingly concerned with you and your child's spiritual, emotional and psychological well-being if he were an actual follower of Christ. He should be placing both of you before himself.
    Selfishness has him not selflessness. He is trying to avoid his responsibility to you and the child...then claim God told him to do it???......SAD.
    Well Lilly. That's my opinion after 30 years of marriage and 50 some odd years of living. I hope and pray it helps you see through his smokescreen. Now take your case to the church elders and get them to talk some sense into him. Hopefully...maybe all he needs is some guidance and he'll abandon his foolishness.
     
    Lifeasweknowit and Rumely say Amen and like this.
  3. Thank you for your opinion. The only responsibility he is taking is to be a father to the child. It really hurts to be left considering he only gives me vague answers, saying he cannot explain to me and he never expects me to understand but god has reassured him 100% that I am not the one for him. I have seeked help from everybody but he won't let me come to his church and talk to his preacher. And also he can't even sit down with me to discuss everything. He says we don't need to see each other.
     
  4. The best thing for you to do is to understand that you can not do anything about someone when they a sure about what they believe. In fact by doing anything you could push him further away. Since you both have had such a short time in the faith I am a little surprised that your boyfriend would hear something from God like that so soon. There could be other factors at work here, such as Satan or his own mind is messing him around. Pray to the Lord and ask him if this is his will, do your best to put your worries aside and keep on asking him until an answer comes. (Don`t worry about how God will answer you, you will know when he does)

    Once you have a answer come back and tell us what the Lords mind is about it and then we can talk about it some more.
     
  5. I was worried that it could of been the devil trying to work in him. I'm just going to let go and let god.
     
  6. Thats a great idea.
     
  7. I would like to know how he intends to be a father to this child, but not a husband to you? And how is this going to play out when he thinks he has found "the one"? He will still have his past, will still have this child, unless he abandons his child as he appears to be abandoning you, which wouldn't surprise me in the least. Becoming a Christian and abandoning you isn't going to make him a virgin all over again. At the very least, he had better leave off any dating or seeking romantic relationships until he becomes much more mature and stable in his faith and in his life. Of course, if this is his mindset, you might actually be better off if he leaves than if he stays only out of a sense of obligation and proves to be abusive or neglectful.

    He loved you enough to have a child with you, so what would make it so difficult for him to be married to you and love you and your child as a Godly husband and father? That's what mystifies me. Dan in the lion's den mentioned going to the elders of his church, but I get the sense that maybe they are part of the problem. Maybe it is they who are encouraging him to cut you off? I hope not, but that's the impression that I get.

    Of course, you can't force someone to do what they don't want to do. The sad thing is that you and your child will suffer as a result and your boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, as the case may be) will probably have some hard lessons ahead of him. I think it's a shame really, as I mentioned before, I think by taking this direction he is missing an opportunity for redemption of sin and for enjoying the blessing of your both becoming new creations in Jesus Christ.

    Here's another thought, for what it's worth. I wonder how the child, as he grows older, will process the idea that his father becoming a Christian is why his father decided not to be his full-time daddy? Ufda! Not sure I even want to go down that road.
     
    ~forgiven_not_forsaken~ and Lillysanders say Amen and like this.
  8. He has made it impossible for me to return to the church we were both attending so now I have to find a new one. I'll just continue to pray for him.
     
  9. This also confuses me a little. How has he made it impossible for you to go to the church you were both attending? By what power or authority does he prevent it? You have as much right to go to that church and to have access to the authorities within that church as he does. You are no less a child of God and no more a sinner than he is. He is every bit as deeply involved and morally responsible for this situation as you are. If he has poisoned the atmosphere of that church against you, then he has much more to repent of than his behavior before he was saved. Of course, if this church is so easily swayed and so easily poisoned, then you are better off finding a different one.

    I am truly sorry that the experiences of your new life as a Christian have been so trying. I don't know your BF or the church directly, but based on what you have said, I think they aren't handling this right. As I have said before, if God really told your BF to leave you, then who am I to argue with God? But, I have serious doubts that it was God's voice he heard. I am not involved in the situation first hand, so I can't really say more about his decision or how the church is responding to the situation.

    Your BF is young, a new Christian, and has a lot to learn about following Christ. Maybe I expect too much of him. So, let's talk about you. God loves you and cares about you. He cares about your future and the future of your child. You can trust that He will not abandon you. Keep praying for your BF - not so much that he will come back to you, but that he will hear clearly from God and obey God's voice. Keep trusting in God and seeking His face so that you may grow in Christ, have strength to face the trials ahead, and that He will provide for the well being of you and your child. Ask Him to help you find a healthy church to become a part of. And feel free to come here any time you need a word of encouragement.
     
    Sweet Pea likes this.
  10. So how are things going, what has happend so far.
     
  11. If prayer and Bible reading are having the sanctifying influence that they should be, the thought of marrying each other is likely to have come to both of you.
     
  12. Lily, I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this. one thing is, he cannot stop you from talking to the pastor of his church. I will tell you this, not be mean or dishearten you, but some people even "Christian" people will use God as an excuse to hurt someone or pull at their heart strings or get to them. I know from seeing it from others and experiencing it myself. Did God tell him to abandon you and stay away from you, I do not know. Does he want the two of you to stop living in sin even though you are already pregnant, yes he does. But that doesn't mean that the two of you can't be together. He is being selfish and living for himself if he is going to ignore you and run from you during your pregnancy and then expect to see his child like he had always been there. I can't imagine how hurt you are. Keep looking to God and keep praying. do not let this sway you from following the Lord. Pray for your child's father, Pray that God changes his heart. I do hope that you get your prayers answered soon and I will be praying for you. in the mean time, do seek some biblical counseling from a pastor to help you get thru this and to help your walk with Jesus. also watch you bf's actions, whether you see him dating or such, because that could be a sign that he is not taking any of this seriously.
     
  13. If he gets with another woman he is committing adultery!
     

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