Need Advice For Some Bad News

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Genevieve, Aug 29, 2013.

  1. My boyfriend and I have been dating/courting for over a year now, and he had told me that he used to have a serious addiction to pornography, and has only been free from it for about a year. He told me this because he didnt want to move ahead/get engaged in our relationship without me knowing this, in case it changed things between us.
    We are both totally bible-believing christians, but was when he was addicted too. I think he said it was a trap he couldnt get out of, until he moved house to a place where there was no internet and therefore removed temptation from him. He also said with Gods help he never wants to go back into it again, because he knows it is a serious sin.
    Whilst it makes me happy that he feels like he can completely trust me, the news left me feeling sad and yucky inside. He asked for my forgiveness, but it has still left me with a bad feeling and confused about what to do. I dont know how much it will affect our relationship down the track, or how it affects a guys mind even years later, or if he will be able to stay free from it. Can anyone give some advice on how to deal with this situation?
  2. Well, he seems honest, and willing to try and overcome his problem. I think your relationship with him needs more time before you get too committed. It will give you time to see whether he really will continue to fight this temptation. Many today have that temptation, but some do indeed overcome it. Being a Bible believing Christian is a great foundation to build on.
  3. Everyone has some form of baggage in their past. If he has become free from that addiction, then the only real thing to be concerned about is accountability in case of a potential relapse to temptation. If your relationship is moving into engagement territory, then you should be looking into some form of premarital counseling. Try to have HIM make it part of that. Don't blindside him with it during the counseling, but I think it would say a lot for him to bring that up while you talk to a trusted pastor.

    As for your feelings, he's become vulnerable to you. You've seen a new side to him. It means that he really trusts you. I'm sure it took him a LOT to bring it up. Most men would probably just never say a word about it, thinking that they could just keep it silent forever. Maybe you would never find out about it. Honor his decision to share with you by not spreading his past addiction with others outside of whatever counseling you might seek together.

    May God bless your future, and bring healing into your life and his.

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