Need Advice For A Couple

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by banjo71, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. My girlfriend and I have wanted to be married for some time. I am disabled and not able to work. I have a severe mental disorder, and I am on disability, drawing in a small amount from social security, not enough to live on. Right now I am living with my parents, because I've tried living on this amount and can't.

    She is working right now but is losing work because she has some condition flaring up, likely fibromyalgia, and is getting so painful she won't be able to work long. You can't get on disability with fibromyalgia. And she'd have no health coverage for her condition without getting disability if she can't work.

    We're distressed, looking to God to help. We've been dating for about 4-1/2 years and we already have had sexual relations with each other. We are both working on putting that aside now until we could be married. But nothing seems to be working out for us.

    I feel confused and not sure what's going on. I believe God is a merciful God, one who forgives. My girlfriend and I both care for each other deeply. But I don't know what's going to happen.
    1. Is she a born again Christian? ( assume you are)
    2. Do your parents approve of the marriage?
    3. Will they let both of you live with them?
    4. Is it positively fibromyalgia? I had it and can help you about that.
    5. Have you been to a Christian counselor, not necessarily a pastor?
    KingJ likes this.
  2. Rusty is asking the right questions.
    To add to it, how long have you two been together? Have you considered a long engagement first so that you can set out a financial goal between the two of you? I know you're both in a tough spot, but perhaps that's something to look at first.

    And if you both end up engaged, absolutely seek out a marriage counselor (preferably Christian). My wife and I enrolled in Pre Cana, which is the course couples must take prior to getting married in the Catholic Church--I'm extremely glad we did it.
  3. he said 4 years and a half. :)

    I don't think sex before marriage is a sin. especially that you have been together for so long. and regarding your background, you might not have been a christians all your life, I think God can see you are doing the right thing as much as you want.

    I believe having sexual relations with your partner can help you two get closer to one another.

    But again, this is my opinion. I think you should follow your heart.
  4. In the end it's a question of following up God's Word's definitions of 'the bed undefiled', 'fornication', 'adultery', etc.
    Mr. Darby likes this.
  5. Heh! Let's not focus on one factor, please!
    Banjo71 has a major hurdle, and sidetracking him now is not a good idea, IMO.
    You can't lend a hand when your finger pointing.
  6. Thanks for pointing out the time frame--I overlooked that part.

    I think even outside of religion, playing marriage, trying to have the perks without the commitment can be dangerous to a relationship. But within religion, the reason why it's so important to stay celibate prior to marriage is because marriage is a holy symbol which involves God. For Catholics, it's a holy sacrament. It's acknowledgment that God is a literal part to the marriage.
    KingJ likes this.
  7. Lysander: See my post above yours: banjo71 needs advice, not denominational homilies or further "judgements",,,Please give him real world advice, not shamings.
    KingJ likes this.
  8. I beg your pardon, friend--I was merely responding to MaryseBlossom. I dare not shame anyone--who am I to do that?
  9. I know....But you are increasing the detour: why not talk to her on PM and give some good advice to banjo71.

    He didn't open this thread to discuss extramarital sex...He's pleading for advice.
  10. Just a re-up for Banjo71


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