My parents met when they were seventeen and eighteen. My mom came from a broken home and so did my father. They met through a friend on a blind date and spent a few months together. My mother was addicted to heroin and my father was addicted to many other drugs. My mom found out he was pregnant with me at age seventeen. With no place to live or any parents to run to she went to rehab. She was on heroin till she was eight months pregnant with me. She moved in with my father an he became physically abusive. Worrying about our lives she took me and we fled to florida to stay with family. I lived there until I was four and we moved back to Delaware. My mom gave her life to Christ and we got a small apartment in a good town. My father was never around and that was okay because me and my mother had each other. Our church became our family. They helped support us and helped provide the things my mom as a single parent couldn't. My mother singed in the praise team and I sat in the crowd proud. When I was six years old a new couple joined our church. They were nice and they instantly were drawled to me. The husband would buy me gifts he was someone I looked up too. We spent many times with him and his wife. Over the few months he started coming to our apartment in the middle of the night crying. My mom was furious and told him to never come back. One year later he and his wife split up and he was asking me if he could marry my mother I said yes. Once they got married the man I once loved became into the man I was afraid and hated. He wasn't the man who gave me piggy back rides and took me to the movies. He hated me being alone with my mother and always made sure that didn't happen. We moved into a new house and planned a family vacation. We had a birthday party for my oldest cousin and my mother told me to check on my stepfather , when I went to check on him I could have never thought it would be the day my world fell apart. That was the first time he sexually abused me. I came downstairs and never told anyone I just pretended everything was okay and so did he. The abuse continued even on our "family vacation" . I thought maybe it was okay because he loved me and he was the dad I always wanted. I thought it was okay because he always bought me something . The abuse stopped for awhile but the pain didn't. He would watch me in the bathroom and bathtub. Is cry myself to sleep , I felt like no one cared enough to protect me. when I turned 10 the abuse started again and finally I had enough , finally I wanted answers. One day before my mothers birthday I was home alone with him. We fought and he told me I was the reason I lost his job. I was the reason they fought and god doesn't love me and one day my mom will stop loving me. I ran to the living room and just watched a movie when he came over got on his knees and pressed on my chest asking me to take my shirt off. I cried and I was shaking asking him why ? And he told me because he wanted me to and if I did he would make me breakfast. I ran as far away as I could an he ran after me grabbing my wrist telling me to not tell my mother or shed hate me and I'd be the reason for there divorce. I told my mom the next day on her birthday and I struggled for years with guilt. Later that year she took him back. My world fell apart once again . I was broken and the girl I once knew was long gone. I hated her and I hated him. I hated church because while everyone thought we were a "perfect" family we were holding a secret . As I got into my preteen years he became bitter towards me pushing me into walls. Cursing me and my mother out. Punching holes in the walls and becoming angry and reckless while he would drive. I made excuses for him and I felt like I needed to protect my family and keep us together. My mother left him five times and we'd sell everything and "start over" . Every time she would leave him shed go running back sneaking him into my life again. Always saying " God told her to leave , and God told her To go back ". As I got older I became bitter , hurt and I ran to boys, drugs , and anything else that would become my escape. I found myself loosing my virginity at 15. Smoking pot at 15 and skipping class , running away from home and tying to kill myself. I dated this kid and he was everything to me he became my escape . I lost him, I lost my pet who was my bestfriend , I lost my real bestfriend , my home because "God" told my mother to leave my stepfather again. That was it for me , I became depressed and weighted 100 pounds ( I'm 5"7) I started self harming myself and drugs were my life. I stopped attending school and if I did I was sleeping in class. I ran away from home and almost took my life many times. I jumped out of moving cars and tried pills. I was hurt inside I told my mother I needed "help" . We went to months of counseling and she told me she was never taking MY stepfather back. Things were bad but I tried to keep pretending I was alright. I still begged for help because I knew I was planning to kill myself. I went to a mental institution but lied about everything so they issued me home. Later that night My mom was gone and didn't come back till the next afternoon , telling lies to prove why she wasn't home. The very next day she told me she was taking my stepfather back and if I didn't expect it to leave . I had a panick attack and I planned on killing myself right there in my room and something in my heart said "live" . I called my grandmother who was with my stepfather and mother , she was telling me to stop being upset. I instantly hung up and I said " okay I tired do it , do it , take your life now"and I felt it in my heart again . "LIVE" so I instantly called my aunt , who took me away. I left my moms that day and went to my fathers. He was hard on drugs. I took care of my four year bother and nine year old sister . I kept fighting because of them. I lives out of trash bags , my mom changed the locks and I couldn't get my things , as she sold my furniture . My dad refused to even give me a dollar for lunch and wouldn't let me go home until I tried to get a job. I gave up and I denied christ I told everyone I hated him and I was afraid to say it. I later found a opportunity to leave my dads. He told me to live on the streets and never come back. I had to leave My siblings without a goodbye but I knew my drug use was bad and the mental institution wasn't enough for me. So I moved into a two bedroom apartment with my aunt. Six of us living in it , I was tired and the pain hurt. I met a detective and he helped Me get through a lot. Girls at school helped me and all the teachers helped me. Buying me lunch they even threw me a surprise sweet 16. I didn't even realize God was working in my life. Then my Christian grandparents told me to come live with them . I moved in and after months of not wanting to pray or listen about god I told my grandfather I wanted to pray . He was shocked and I cried to the lord asking him to come into my life . We sat there for a hour and I prayed. My grandfather broke into tears the first time I ever saw him cry. Months of learning about god and being eager to read his word I started my healing process. I know God loves me and he never once left me. He is the way . Through God I'v become a healthy person. Everytime I look at my scars on my arms I remember Jesus already took the scars for me. He loves me so much after everything I'v done and that's truly amazing. Just talking to him beings tears to my eyes and love in my heart. He saved me . I still live with my grandparents and I'm getting baptized in three days. God is amazing and my journey ? It's just begin. Soul girl .