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my soon to be in laws

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by oorbot, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. my soon to be in laws

    I just need your prayers and advise on this one.

    My Fiance and I are about to be married next year. We are professionals in our respective fields.
    my fiance is just the sweetest and the most loving soul in the whole wide world. She is so humble despite her attainments. she is soft spoken, caring and couldnt even hurt a fly.

    we are having troubles with her mom and her family. her 2 sisters are unemployed and are both pregnant, her mom is unemployed , and she has an unemployed brother somewhere abroad doing part time odd jobs to support himself (he went there illegally). He has a child whom he can not support and has not seen since the baby was 2 months old in her mothers womb. the child is 5 years old now. her mother is a part time pastor in a church we used to attend to. They are all christians. Differences in doctrines and practices are the reasons if you ask why.

    Last week, my fiance called me up hysterical and screaming on the phone. She was screaming for help as her sisters and mother has ganged up on her. They beat her, slapped her, scratched her neck, grabbed her by the hair, kicked her and called her names. it all started over some dirty clothes would you believe. This one time, i needed to rush her to the hospital because she had severe case of diarrhea. her mom, although she was there, wouldnt drive her to the hospital. at the hospital, her mom texted her: "that's what you get for putting a man's ---- up your ---." we were so surprised, hurt and offended by her. why would she say that to her? She would make up ways to start up a fight with any of her daughters especially with my fiance as she is smallest.

    Her mom loves to grandstand. She would cry in front of many people and tell them how evil her daughter (my fiance) is. She would make up stories just so she can get other people's sympathy and use that against us. She would tell her relatives that her daughter (my fiance) is already pregnant that's why we're getting married. She'd even ask the sympathy of our unsuspecting neighbors. She would tell me that ever since her daughter met me, their relationship was destroyed. it was all because of me. She would always start a fight over small things. I in turn, would just keep my quiet an peace.

    Her family has psychologically, emotionally and physically abused her. This has happened so many times already. I am angry with myself for not being able to fight for her and defend her because she is not my wife yet. I blame myself for not being able to be in her house in time to stop their craziness.

    Right now, my fiance is staying with my mom. My mom advised her to stay for a few days until the water has settled down between her, her mom and her sisters. I already rented an apartment so my fiance and i can move out once we are married.

    A few days ago, her mom called me. she wanted me to go to her house so we can talk. My sister told me not to go as she sees that her mom will grandstabd again in front of many people. worse, they might do me harm. I fear for my fiance's health. I dont want to hear her again calling me for help. I fear for her safety. Right now, my fiance is the only one who is sucesful in her family.

    Is this a case of envy between sisters? envy between daughther and mother? obviously, her mom always wants to be the center of attention.

    What should i do? Should i tell her to go home? should i file a restraining order against them? should i bring in the cops? Should i tell her not to go to her house any longer? should i meet her mom? Should i try to reach her one last time? I really think something is wrong woth her mom and her sisters. I really think they need to see a professional.

    your advise please.
     
  2. There is a lot here. And it is hard for anyone to give advice on this, without seeing things first hand.

    I will tell you this, you had better pray and fast about the choice that is set before you. If you marry this woman, it is for life. And, unless you move to a place her family doesn't know about, you will be in constant unrest.

    Make this a long courtship. Use wisdom. Choosing a wife is the second most important choice you will make in life. The first, is to receive salvation.

    May the Lord guide you in wisdom. Read his Word daily.


    John Michael Hileman
     
  3. Pray, pray, pray...ask God to guide you
     
  4. If she is getting physically abused (which seems to be the case of when she called you when they where hurting her) the police need to be called. And restraining orders if needed. No one deserves that, and you need to protect yourselves, document everything (texts, voicemails, dates that events occured etc.

    Do not let that violence continue.
     
  5. No she should not go back to that house, and as she is successful, your words, she has the means to find her own place, share with a workmate etc. Everyone is entitiled to peace and contentment in their life, and the stress of living in that home will cause health problems as well as the risk of serious injury.
    With love and Blessings, Jan
     

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