1. A place of fellowship, support, encouragement, and learning shared by members from all around the world. We pray that this online community helps you grow closer to God while you build relationships with other people. Our forums are free, easy to use and equipped with features to enhance your online experience. Sign Up Now >>

My non-Christian boyfirend - Help please?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Kyla, Mar 17, 2011.

  1. Kyla

    Kyla New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Amens/Likes Received:
    2
    My non-Christian boyfirend - help??

    HI, I decided today that I want to have better relationship with Jesus - I've always had a relationship wth Jesus but now I've just really decided to devote my life

    I don't want to do the wrong thing by having a non Christian boyfriend and I fear it's not right because of what it says in the bible about not be unevenly yoked to others.

    But I can’t stand the thought of breaking up with him. I love my boyfriend so much and can't imagine my life without him. He would do anything for me.


    Before I consider a break up should I wait a while to see if he follows in my witness and sees the love of God in me. then becomes saved?

    I really need some advice please....


    I would just like to request some more advice as I am only a new Christian....

    I talked to my bf about how I felt, and How I wanted to become a better Christian and devote my life to Jesus. and he was extremely supportive, although he's not a Christian he did grow up in a very Christian based home, therefore he knows and understands where I am coming from.

    He also says that he will take me to church as I can't go without him driving me. and also gave me a bible he had been given and said he'll come to church with me to support me.


    He said that he’s not Christian at the moment but maybe he will be one day, he said “who knows what the future holds”


    He said he was once a Christian when he was 12 (yr 7) but it faded and he became uninterested.




    I told him that I will not have premarital sex and he was totally fine with that and accepted my wish and said I was worth the wait. Also asked me to tell him the boundaries, he does't want to cross them (for my sake).


    As I said earlier I am a new Christian and I need advice please.

    I will keep praying that God guides me through this and shows me the plan he has for my life


    Please pray for us :)
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    #1
  2. BarelyBreathing

    BarelyBreathing Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2009
    Messages:
    141
    Amens/Likes Received:
    6
    I won't give you any advice. It sounds as though you have your mind made up and you are looking for agreement. :) I will say that if this was me, my biggest concern at the moment would be when he said he was a Christian but "it faded and he became uninterested." I'd wonder if this same phenomenon would happen to me one day. The relationship between a man and his wife is like that between God and his people. Song of Solomon is an allegory for the relationship between God and his people. Love is a choice, a decision. What will happen in a relationship during those periods of trial? When things seem to be at their lowest. Or what about the periods where things are uneventful? Those times when life just rolls along at an even pace. I would be hesitant to move beyond dating into marriage, because I would be concerned about his relationship with God being a reflection what will one day occur with me.
    #2
  3. Rumely

    Rumely Senior Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,132
    Amens/Likes Received:
    499
    Having been 16 once a long time ago, I have every sympathy with how you feel. But, the likelihood that you will spend the rest of your life with your current boyfriend is exceedingly small. Even aside from your being a Christian and he not being one, many things will change who each of you are in the upcoming years. Just something to consider.

    I'm not going to offer relationship advice, however, other than to say: do not allow your relationship with your boyfriend hinder your drawing close to God and glorifying Him in your life. Don't make him an idol which distracts you from your relationship with God. As you dedicate your life to serving God, He will give you discernment in your relationships.
    #3
  4. xspinningisfun

    xspinningisfun Sr Encourager Mod Staff Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,537
    Amens/Likes Received:
    335
    Since I'm really passionate about this sort of thing, and since you are asking for advice, I'm going to be completely honest with you. And you are probably going to get angry at me, but I have no control of how you react to my advice. :)

    I dated a lot in my teen years. And even had boyfriends, while I was a Christian. And even though they respected my religion and was all supportive, they eventually brought me down. Why? Because I strongly believe that Christians should be dating Christians. Since you are a baby Christian, what you need is a strong Christian with you.

    I know that God told me to stop dating. Completely stop. And that was two years ago. And before, the idea of dating a nonchristian was no big deal. But now, it's a major deal. I've had some offers to go on dates in the past few months, but the thing is--they aren't Christians. And it got to a point where I had to be completely honest with them, saying that I'm not interested and I'm saving myself for the guy that God has for me.

    I really think you should pray for God's will, and not your own. Since it's not about you, but about God :). People don't like hearing that, but it's true. It's not about you.

    It sounds like your boyfriend has good intentions and I'm glad he's supportive. But--it's still considered unequally yoked. Why do you think the Bible talks so strongly about that? Because God knows that when you are faced in an unequally yoked situation, it's going to be reallllly difficult. It may look good for now, since your boyfriend is supportive and caring. But eventually, it will get to a point where it's going to become difficult.

    I pray that you continue seeking God. And if God tells you to break up with your boyfriend (which you mentioned earlier), then God will give you strength to do so and will give you the words to say. And if you delay in obeying God's command to you, then it's considered disobedience of God. If that makes sense....
    #4
  5. Bro.Benjie

    Bro.Benjie Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2011
    Messages:
    18
    Amens/Likes Received:
    1
    It is really not advisable to take relationship to the unbeliever but if you were already have a relationship with him before you baptize well I do believe that it is not necessary to break him up immediately. Try to encourage him first and keep on praying because who knows he's also a son of God. Just make sure that your FAITH will not be compromise. We have a common ground because when I decided to follow Jesus my girlfriend is also unbeliever but manage to be baptize and now we are both serving the Lord our God. :)
    #5
  6. Elmer D

    Elmer D Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2010
    Messages:
    392
    Amens/Likes Received:
    35
    youre a christian and your boyfriend is not? hmmm

    you have to guide your boyfriend to Jesus, dont preach and preach and preach just guide him, show more into action

    Jesus wants all the nation to know Him and love Him, so as you can see that is your assignment hehe yup

    cuz maybe you two get married at church, and through marriage Jesus, you, and your boyfriend becomes one

    just keep praying about it, and dont worry if your bf disagrees some times cus it takes time...

    God bless you two!
    #6
  7. Ginger

    Ginger Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,743
    Amens/Likes Received:
    277
    Lots and lots of if's and maybe's.

    We all know you are going to do what ever you want in the end, ...we were all where you are once, too.....the reality here is that no matter how supportive he is now, it won't last. Either he will come back to the Lord one day or he will eventually make you miserable for being a faithful Christian. The latter is the most likely, statistically speaking.

    Which is why, not so very long ago I kept my distance from an atheist I was dating. I know, I know, WHY WAS I DATING HIM TO BEGIN WITH??????

    I was straight up with him from the start and told him we were not compatible, and there could never be anything more than a plutonic relationship. So, I would ask WHY was he dating me????

    I am an analytical thinking and can often separate feelings from decisions. But once the feelings kick in, I'M goner just like everyone else.

    I'll say it like my dad would, "Okay, go ahead, but you're gonna be sorry"
    #7
  8. xspinningisfun

    xspinningisfun Sr Encourager Mod Staff Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,537
    Amens/Likes Received:
    335
    You may get mad at me....but I have to say this. And I apologize in advance. When there's dating involved, it takes two people, not one. So when you say, why was he dating you? You were also dating him. :)

    But I agree with your whole post. That thing just caught my attention. lol.
    #8
  9. Ginger

    Ginger Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,743
    Amens/Likes Received:
    277
    Why would that make me mad? :D I knew from the start he was an atheist and told him we had no fellowship, but one evening (when the kids were at their dad's) I felt kind of lonely and asked him if he wanted to go downtown for a drink? It was always just friendly dating and we're still "friends"

    But you're right...I had no business dating him. It was a weak moment that last a few weeks or months ... I don't really remember. He's a nice enough man and fun to spend time with, but I could never have a real relationship with anyone who doesn't believe.

    Anyway, I don't care to repeat my mistakes or make new ones. I'm old enough and wise enough not to let myself develop feelings for someone just because I get lonely now and then. ;)
    #9
  10. xspinningisfun

    xspinningisfun Sr Encourager Mod Staff Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,537
    Amens/Likes Received:
    335
    Yeah, I've been in your place too. Where I've dated an atheist while I was a Christian. :)
    #10
  11. Ginger

    Ginger Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,743
    Amens/Likes Received:
    277
    Ooooh, we women can be so stupid. lol
    #11
  12. Soulful

    Soulful Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2011
    Messages:
    34
    Amens/Likes Received:
    14
    Thought I would chime in on this since it's on my heart.
    So you're 16, and that was a great age for sure! I remember... here's some advice from my recent decision to follow Christ and some relationship stuff.
    I was dating an atheist prior to the breakup going on 7 weeks ago. It was very unproductive and dark. If I ever am fortunate to date again, I will only date a man who is a Christian and believes that we are guided by God and accountable to God. I feel like I would never be able to really trust someone who does not hold themselves accountable to God, and I feel like I would never be able to align myself fully with a life partner, or someone potentially intimate, who does not consider Jesus to be their savior and have the same mindset in that regard as me.
    I think it's healthy to date people and not settle down too young, but when you get to see the difference in people you date, you'll see who you best prefer. I think God wants us to be strengthened by eachother when we date someone, and so it makes sense to do that with the Lord at the head of the relationship.
    I hope you enjoy being young, and I'm really glad you have such a supportive boyfriend to your faith. Congratulations on making the decision to follow Jesus too. You sound like a very smart girl.
    Just want to also add one more thing--the most successful relationship I ever had was with my husband of 12 years who was a Christian. It was a good feeling when we were on the same page and in church together. I have a lot of good memories of that.
    God bless you :)
    #12
  13. Cypress

    Cypress Inactive

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    Amens/Likes Received:
    0
    I realize that this thread is a bit dated, but thought that I would add my $.02 ...

    I personally don't believe it matters what one believes. As long as you both share the same morales and values. I have been married for 5 years, we dated for 2 years before marriage. My wife was raised Catholic, she is a Christian, and she does believe in Christ. I on the other hand was, for a lack of a better term, lost. We have different views, and beliefs. But, it didn't matter. We found a common understanding, and we share the same values. I may not believe exactly as she does, but that doesn't make her or me, wrong... Just different.

    Our marriage is still very strong.

    So basically, I feel that it doesn't matter what your boyfriend is or isn't. As long as you love each other, and share the same outward views, values, and principals.
    #13
  14. th1bill

    th1bill Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,099
    Amens/Likes Received:
    253
    I see that Cypress has chimed in here and so will I. The only real advise I see here that I can stand against is what Cypress has given you. I know of many such marriages and relationships and Cypress is correct less than 5% of the time about making these relationships work. My wife and I have been married since about a year after my acceptance and submission to our LORD. In spite of the fact that we both are Baptist Christians it has been a journey fraught with trials and errors. The only reason it works is because of our mutual love and submission to the LORD. Yes, we are in love but the three women I married before I was saved, all loved me and I still have a love for them but all three of them divorced me, we were unequally yoked!

    The ladies here have given you the very best advise and youĺl never find any better, save the LORD, Himself.
    #14
  15. Cypress

    Cypress Inactive

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    Amens/Likes Received:
    0
    A relationship that has strongly lasted 7 years, where we each have our own beliefs is solid proof, that it can work. You just have to have an open mind. You have to be able to learn, and accept each other's views. Keeping your mind locked in a box, and showing no acceptance of those that have a different belief than you is -- in my opinion, a bad way of living... Not necessarily wrong, just bad.

    I have watched as my friends, who do share the same faiths, and beliefs, have had relationship problems, and watched as 3 have been divorced... It's not always about your belief in God, or Jesus... It's about sharing each other. It's about sharing what you believe with your partner, and allowing them to share with you. It's about opening your heart and your mind to them... You can have a strong and committed relationship, and not both have the same beliefs.

    I have had the priviledge of officiating a few weddings. I have watched people commit them selves to each other, who don't share the same belief in God, yet they Love each other. Here, read this excerpt from a book entitled "The Art of Marriage". Even if you are not married, and are just in a relationship, the meaning still holds true. It really should be called, "The Art of a Successful Relationship".

    #15
  16. SpiritualTeacher

    SpiritualTeacher Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2010
    Messages:
    56
    Amens/Likes Received:
    14
    For a Christian, dating a non-Christian is unwise, and marrying one is not an option. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) tells us not to be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever. The imagery is of two incompatible oxen sharing the same yoke. Instead of working together to pull the load, they would be working against each other. While this passage does not specifically mention marriage, it definitely has implications for marriage. The passage goes on to say that there is no harmony between Christ and Belial (Satan). There can be no spiritual harmony in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. Paul goes on to remind believers that they are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, who inhabits their hearts at salvation (2 Corinthians 6:15-17). Because of that, they are to be separate from the world—in the world, but not of the world—and nowhere is that more important than in life’s most intimate relationships.

    The Bible also says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’ (1 Corinthians 15:33). Having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers, but that is as far as it should go. If you are dating an unbeliever, what is honestly your priority, romance or winning a soul for Christ? If you were married to an unbeliever, how would the two of you cultivate a spiritual intimacy in your marriage? How could a quality marriage be built and maintained if you disagree on the most crucial issue in the universe—the Lord Jesus Christ? I know this might come across as a bit cruel and harsh, but God had Paul wrote on this matter for a reason, and it's best we heed to His advice.
    #16
    xspinningisfun likes this.
  17. Cypress

    Cypress Inactive

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    Amens/Likes Received:
    0
    I suppose I'm just stupid and a heathen. For having a Fantastic marriage, and two Fantastic kids. A 7 year relationship, that couldn't be stronger. My wife Believes in God, and Jesus...

    Kyla, Just do what your heart tells you. If you can find acceptance, an open heart and mind, to your boyfriends beliefs, and he can do the same for you... Then go with that. IF not, then don't bother.

    Peace and Light be with you.
    #17
  18. Ginger

    Ginger Inactive

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,743
    Amens/Likes Received:
    277
    Cypress, no one thinks you're stupid. What we are expressing is how to make the best life choices, as Christians, to avoid a lot of future trouble.

    Many, many people who are distance in their separate faiths, get along wonderfully as first, just as you and your wife. However, true Christians, who live their faith, at some point will experience great conflicts in their family life making it difficult to live their faith because their spouse is an unbeliever who begins to resent their faith and work against their ability to live accordiong to the Gospel of Christ.

    If you are married to what we call a "luke-warm" Christian, you probably won't have any more trouble in your marriage than any other couple.

    But the OP states a desire to "devote" her life to Christ. There will be serious issues and disagreements concerning morals and faith. She will have a husband who contradicts her faith to the chuildren. That doesn't even work with discipline issues!!!! "Mom said 'no' but I did it anyway because dad said "yes'".

    If your wife is a Christian who says all roads lead to salvation - even atheism - then you will not have these issues because her faith isn't really all that important to her.

    That is the difference. Kyla has to decide where her faith ranks. Is it number one? Then marrying a devoted Christian man is very important. If it is not #1, then it doesn't really matter at all.
    #18
  19. SpiritualTeacher

    SpiritualTeacher Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2010
    Messages:
    56
    Amens/Likes Received:
    14
    Cypress I do not think your stupid or a heathen it's great that you have a fantastic marriage and two fantastic children, I also pray that God blesses you and your family. You said in your comment "My wife Believes in God, and Jesus...", which either means you don't (to which I question why you're on this site), or you both accepted Jesus Christ as the same Lord, but have different views on who He is and how He is to be praised, which is to be expected. My girlfriend is more non-traditional is her worship, she likes raising hands and "feeling free". I'm way more traditional and think that God deserves and certain amount of awe and respect that can't come for holding hands high. Each of us respect the others decision and pick on one another occasionally, we have different views on who God is, but we still praise the same God as the only God who can destroy sin.

    The difference with Kyla is that her boyfriend is not a believer, period. I don't know if that means he's atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, or whatever, it doesn't even matter. The main point is that a spiritual bond can never be established between a believer and a non-believer. A non-believer cannot understand the things of God (1 Corinthians 1:18), and so cannot respect them. They cannot love as they are supposed to, or understand their role in a relationship. Also if a non-believer dies as such they will be sent to hell, a true believer knows this, and understands this, a true believer doesn't want this reality for their loved ones and so preaches the gospel to them. This will usually make a non-believer rebel and clashes will happen, this is why believers are to be separate from non-believers, because we are not of this world (John 17:14).
    #19
  20. Kyla

    Kyla New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Amens/Likes Received:
    2
    Hi guys, Kyla here. I just wanted to tell yous all how it turned out.....

    Well at first he just took me to church and was extremely supportive in all areas.... after going to church a few times, seeing the people around us and hearing the teachings he became curious. I just prayed and prayed that God would shine through me and onto my bf so that he could see that Jesus lives in me now. I also prayed that my bf would see all of Gods work around him. And he did. God answered my prayers.

    He told me that two weeks ago something in him changed, and that it all started to make sense to him. He's now decided to follow Jesus and loves going to church so he can learn more :)

    I'm fairly sure that God brought us together.
    #20

Share This Page