My life...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Ginger, Mar 5, 2011.

  1. Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug. 'They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. Rotten kids.....
    JG27_chili likes this.
  2. I rear-ended a car this morning. We pulled to the side the road and the other driver got out of his car and headed toward me. He was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and asked, "Well then, which one are you?"
    xspinningisfun and JG27_chili say Amen and like this.
  3. An elderly couple were attending church service, about halfway through the service she leans over and says, " I just let a silent fart what do you think I should do?" He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
  4. This one is true!

    So, this guy I know sends me a text asking what I'm doing.
    Well, I tried to tell him, as briefly as possible, I was at the beach with my two youngest boys, sitting in the hot
    sun sweating away.
    He never replied. I thought that was odd so I decided to send him another message - but first I looked back to see what I had said earlier.
    My... last message to him read:
    JG27_chili likes this.
  5. A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a ...few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

    He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

    Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

    "Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

    The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

    The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
    JG27_chili likes this.
  6. The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Later, I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is. I didn't notice the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
  7. I like this one a lot.It makes the Blond look smart heheheheeh

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