My heart is messed up

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by God is Love, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. Ok so basically I have a lot of hate and fear in my heart... I don't want to go into specifics but yeah... Trust me I don't want to be this way but I can't help it. This world is too crazy and I know I need to change myself or else I'm just a hypocrite but idk how to get rid of this hate and fear. I want to be like Jesus to the point that even if I were on the cross I wouldn't be wanting to kill the people who put me there. Instead atm I just feel uncontrolled wrath. I also don't want to have this fear in my heart and be worried about persecution. I know it will happen b/c Jesus and his apostles are proof of that. Sure, idk if I will ever have to go through that level of persecution and I hope I never have to, but who says it won't happen someday? How can I not be fearful of that level of pain and suffering and how can I not hate the people who commit these acts? These 2 things have been major problems of mine for a while and I just want to get rid of these negative feelings. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
  2. There are only two primal feelings in us: love and fear. First fear. Fear is the opposite of faith. Fear is natural, but it comes from ignorance of the situation or knowledge that in "that" situation something bad happened and you fear out of experience. Because of this you're frustrated and because you're tired of being frustrated you store it within "trying to control it" and having that stored anger will grow and eventually bubbles up as rage. When you explode you then ask yourself, "why/how did that happen!?" And you become angry because you got angry and the cycle starts up "replenishing" the anger you lost when you blew up. Fear begins because you feel you're not in control and the lack of control builds anger. It's a loop of lies continually building. Nanosecond events or vivid lengthy events build up on this foundation of fear. Sow & Reap. Here's an example:

    When I was 11, my dad came with me to my room to chat and I literally jumped into bed like I always did. My dad asked me why I jumped into bed. I thought about it (having never done that before on the subject) and it came to mind that I was fearful of standing next to the bed, but I didn't understand why. (I had to be honest with myself otherwise I would not have understood that.) My dad told me he knew why. When I was 3 I had a babysitter that got angry because I wouldn't stay in bed, so she told me there were bugs under the bed that would hurt me if I got out. She recounted the story to my parents. All those years later and I was still afraid - why wouldn't I be? I trusted what I was told. I had no concept of deception at the age of 3. I don't recall the incident, but my heart did. But once I knew the truth and how silly it was, I never jumped onto the bed again. I was free of this fear.

    All fear is the same. It is the result of not having the correct information. In my case it was being lied to. In other's it can be from a traumatic event in one's life - like war, whether actual military war, or war in the house between your parents. In still other cases it's believing a fleshy thought or a lie by the enemy that "God doesn't love you".

    The honest reality is we are not in control no matter how arrogantly we think we are. God is totally in control and He will always guide His to the truth and the truth will set you free if you're honest enough with yourself to listen to the Holy Spirit when you inquire of Him why you are so. This is exactly what David did in Psa 139:23-24. As a child of God you're already a new creature, no change required. You just have to believe WHO you are in Christ. You, like all of us, have an identity crisis. It's time to believe the word of God and reject the lies floating in your head that is affecting your beliefs of your heart. You can think all the positive things you want, but until you get them into your heart, your beliefs will always overrule your thoughts. I can say "I am healed by His stripes" in my head and even out my own mouth, but if my heart say "yea right" NOTHING will change. I will remain sick. There's no "trying" you either DO or you DON'T do. What does one DO? Believe. That's only done in the heart, not the head. It starts in the head - like planting a seed - if you plant negative doubt then doubt is what will grow in your heart regardless of what your head says. If you plant truth in faith, then faith will grow in your heart regardless of what your head says!

    How is one saved? By grace, yes, but it's faith (aka trust in God's ability). Paul asked three times to have the thorn in the flesh removed and what did God say? His grace is sufficient. We quickly judge the passage incorrectly by saying "oh well, he tried, but God said no." But if you know what grace is - unmerited favor - how can remaining ill be favor? So if grace means unmerited favor, and it does, then what could that passage mean? Easy, time to dissect a verse. Paul says:

    Galatians 2:21 (KJV)
    I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness [come] by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.

    - Original: ἀθετέω
    - Transliteration: Atheteo
    - Phonetic: ath-et-eh'-o
    - Definition:
    1. to do away with, to set aside, disregard
    2. to thwart the efficacy of anything, nullify, make void, frustrate
    3. to reject, to refuse, to slight

    - Original: δικαιοσύνη
    - Transliteration: Dikaiosune
    - Phonetic: dik-ah-yos-oo'-nay
    - Definition:
    1. in a broad sense: state of him who is as he ought to be, righteousness, the condition acceptable to God
    a. the doctrine concerning the way in which man may attain a state approved of God
    b. integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking feeling, and acting
    2. in a narrower sense, justice or the virtue which gives each his due

    So which of these is this talking about? Righteousness is a state of being as you ought to be. To frustrate is to disregard, set aside, nullify. So when Paul said he did not frustrate the grace of God, he was saying he learned from God that His grace (His favor) was sufficient, which told Paul that Paul was at fault. God has given us EVERYTHING pertaining to life, we just have to believe in the heart.

    Why are miracles not more readily available? Lack of belief in the heart - not the head. Our real beliefs of the heart either confirm or nullify God's grace.

    2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
    For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

    So, now you have to:

    1 Timothy 6:12 (KJV)
    Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

    Lay hold means take, grab hold of, take possession, take by force... sound familiar?

    Matthew 11:12 (KJV)
    And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.

    Though it's not the same word, you'll be shocked to learn it. ALL translations have it wrong and the Plain Aramaic is the closest to it's meaning:

    “From the days of Yohannan The Baptizer until this hour the Kingdom of Heaven is led by force and the violent are seizing it."

    Get TheWord.Net software and see the Greek for yourself. This verse means:

    The Kingdom of Heaven is seized and the strong snatch it up*!

    (*hapatzo the same word Paul uses for the great "catching away"! )

    So if you want what God has to offer, YOU must be strong in belief and snatch it up and seize it! See why you have to do your own homework? How powerful is God's word to get us to where we are free in this life, not skipping hard-to-understand verses like in church!

    Be free brother! You already are, you just have to believe it! That is love, because He first loved US!

    Romans 8:32 (KJV)
    He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

    :ROFLMAO: (y)
    Big Moose, Nanon, R-C and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  3. Thank you for replying Abdicate, you always know the right thing to say :) You described me perfectly, I definitely have an identity crisis when it comes to my salvation.. Forgive me for being narrow-minded but I still am stuck on how we aren't suppose to be fearful of suffering? Idk if you have ever heard of the Zirve massacre but that always shakes me to the core and causes me to get scared. I can never understand why God doesn't step in and stop something like that from happening. Or why couldn't he have at least let the missionaries die a quick death without being tortured? I'm not trying to stump you btw, I genuinely am troubled by this and the only thing that makes me feel better is to just tell myself I don't understand, but that is never a fulfilling answer.. I'm one of those Christians that never stops asking questions... it annoys me that I can't just believe.
  4. Btw have you heard of Lumina by I found it and really like it and was wondering what your opinion is on it? I tried using and e-sword but they both were confusing to me.
  5. Thanks for the kind words. I hope they're what you need, they were for me when I got them from another from the Lord.

    It's not easy for me to say anything right now because I've never been in a real persecution before. Sure bullying but never losing anything let alone my life. I do know this, those under the altar in heaven asked the same thing and it's that God's love is much for them - remember Paul, he killed Christians and he thought he was doing God's work. At the same time, every act against His own puts just that much more into His cup of wrath. Read how Stephen died and hope on that, that God will open the windows of heaven to give you great joy if that time comes. But I don't see it happening in the USA, I pray I'm right, but you can't worry about the future. Remember, God is in control. Also remember this:

    Pro 11:8 (KJV) The righteous is delivered out of trouble, and the wicked cometh in his stead.

    I've never used the other software, sorry.
  6. You should check it out at just to see what i'm talking about. It's pretty awesome actually, i'm excited I found it and am actually surprised it's free. I think i'm going to use it from now on, it's like but already set up and more simple to use imo. Also you don't have to download it, it's part of the website.
  7. Looks nice... I signed up. I can use it at work! Thanks :)
    God is Love likes this.
  8. We all get afraid and nervous. We can stutter, stammer and be nervous a million times and God will forgive us. But we must not deny Christ. After a while / maturity we hell with being nervous. I am nobody's slave except for God's.

    Let's look at the facts and then conclude:

    1. Many Christians have been tortured to death. This link is not for sensitive readers
    2. Torture and death is coming to us all Matt 24:9.
    3. Jesus was with Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego in the furnace.
    4. Lampsacus, Mysia (now Lapseki in Turkey), in about 250 Dionisia was condemned to be raped to death, but tradition holds that an angel spared her and the three nominated rapists ran away in fear.
    5. We have Matt 5:12 directly from God 'Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you'.

    Conclusion: It seems that God allows us to be tortured / put to death. We can't ignore how some of those, whilst being tortured lead people to the Lord. This tells me that they were full of the Holy Spirit whilst being tortured. Pain, uncomfortable torture and death is a terrible way to leave the earth......but can you imagine the testimony you have in heaven.....the pride God has in having you with Him for all eternity? It seems like an honor to endure suffering for His name.
    God is Love likes this.
  9. You can read some books written by people who lived through it. It is really encouraging. I recommend you In God's Underground by Richard Wurmbrand.
    autumn oddity likes this.
  10. God will help you if that time ever came. What you're asking human can do alone..only God can.. You can't change yourself, ( the pharisees tried) only the spirit...

    In this day and time I really doubt that level of persecution manifesting here in the US, unless Isis crosses over .... but even then God will supply you with strength.
    KingJ and God is Love say Amen and like this.
  11. Hey.. I just noticed.. what happened to your staff badge GIL?
  12. i was never a staff member, just a supporter :)
  13. #14 God is Love, Sep 13, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2014
    You'd be surprised how many terrorist sleeper cells are getting through our southern 'border'.
  14. This is great advice:
    Philippians 4:1 Therefore, my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, beloved. Be loyal to God.
    2 I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life. Be fellow workers with those who do good works for the Lord.

    4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Take time to rejoice.

    5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be gracious and kind.

    6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Pray to connect with God.

    Meditate on These Things
    8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. This gives us a clear outline of how to exercise a mindset of peace. God Bless.
    God is Love likes this.
  15. Philippians is an awesome book.
  16. Abdicate it's also interesting that when Stephen was killed a mighty Saint to be was part of it. I think we need to separate the people who persecute us from the action and blame the real culprit aka satan.
  17. #18 God is Love, Sep 14, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2014
    I have to post this because I have no one else to talk to. Today I literally was a hair away from going crazy and pounding my brothers brains in. I opened up to him last night about how all I've ever really wanted is for me and him to be friends and I was sorry if I'd ever hurt his feelings in any way, etc... and the kid was just plain COLD. He didn't say anything, just ignored me like he always does. Anyways, this might sound petty but it's the type of stuff he does and I might as well mention it because it is what nearly made me kill him. Ok so today I told him to take his clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer because I needed to wash my clothes but as usual he ignored me so I ended up putting his clothes in the dryer and putting mine in the washer. Anyways, once his clothes were dry and my clothes needed to be in the dryer I told him to take his clothes out of the dryer and that is when this kid goes off on me and starts screaming "YOU PUT MY CLOTHES IN THE DRYER!? YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" and I said "What is the problem? Just chill out" but he just keeps screaming at me and calling me an idiot and saying I shrunk his clothes until eventually I said "well it doesn't really matter because you're a piece of crap" (idk why I said that I was just mad). Needless to say when this fool was calling me an idiot for doing HIS laundry because he ignores me all the time I was a hair away from rearranging his face. I didn't hit him and I have to say it is a freaking miracle. I have never hit this kid btw but today I was pretty dang close. Anyways I had to leave the house after that incident because if I didn't I might have pounded him into a pulp. This crap isn't rare either btw, he is always rude and mean to me for NO REASON. I have A LOT of hate in my heart towards him and idk how to not hate him. If he ever legitimately apologized for the crap he says I would forgive him, but idk how I'm suppose to forgive someone who doesn't even care about the way he treats others. Excuse my language but he is a bully and I wish he would get his ass kicked.
  18. I guess the whole point in me writing this is, how do I forgive him and also what should I do now? I think i'm going to move out soon because of school, but as of this moment should I do anything specific?
  19. Read Abdicate's blog. You will learn more about forgiveness in five minutes than most learn in a lifetime.

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