I've asked God to help me see the problem clearer, clear enough to know maybe what's going on with me. I've been yearning to know God's love experientially for myself but although I know what I know about theology, it's never enough. I'd rather know little and believe it in my heart than to not believe much at all in my heart. This is a terrible place to be. I feel like I'm dying. I'm an intellectual believer and that's all I've been. I've been forcing myself to have feelings to mimic someone who believes in their heart also. My head and heart are not connected. I don't know what to do. Maybe I've never been saved. I don't know.