My Fiancée Just Left Me

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by FatherOfIsrael, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. #1 FatherOfIsrael, Mar 11, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2015
    This is the last thing that she told me:
    1. I need a servant of God, a man fully submerged in the ministry.
    2. I cannot be with someone with whom I cannot share the same priorities in God.
    3. God is not a tool you use in order to keep a girl in your life.
    She said number one because she believes that I am not a "true Christian" due to my liberal/deist/naturalistic outlooks on many things, like the scientific age of the earth. Those minutiae aside, I reassured her countless times that I love God with all of my heart, all the way up to the very last day.

    She said number two because I am pursuing a doctorate in mathematics, not a career in the church/ministry (like a pastor), and she is an "up and coming Christian singer." She has hundreds of followers and just published her first single. I believe that she changed in the last few months because she had known since the beginning of our relationship that I love physics, philosophy, math and such disciplines.

    She said number three, again, because she believes that I am not a "true Christian" due to my liberal/deist/naturalistic outlooks, or whatever you want to call them and that I was just pretending to love God. I like to define myself as having my feet planted on the ground, abiding mostly by reason rather than superstition. However, paradoxically, faith is my number one defining characteristic.

    I am confused and tragically heartbroken to see my gorgeous go. I still love her like my fiancée and future wife. I told her and she knew that I could compromise and work out countless things for her, but she could unfortunately not. I need a pat on the back, guys, please. I doubt that I will ever be able to love someone else like I loved my sweetheart of three-years.
    Mercedes Benz E Class likes this.
  2. Look,
    Sometimes even Christians can be equally unyoked. You either step up to her plate or find someone who is more like you. Rather all this early than when your fully steeped in marriage.

    Still sorry though, but time will heal.
    FatherOfIsrael and Schwanz say Amen and like this.
  3. Sometimes, when we pray for God's perfect will in our lives - things don't exactly go as we planned.... Rest assured, though, that God knows what He is doing.

    One of the hardest things I ever did was to pray that if it's not God's perfect will for me - that He close the door... Then have the door slam shut right on my nose.... It's happened many times, just like that....

    Knowing that doesn't really make things easier emotionally when it all blows up in your face, though.... That doesn't make it any less painful.

    Consider this... The life of a professional Christian singer isn't for everybody.... and the life of the FAMILY of a professional Christian singer isn't for everybody.... Everybody sees the Amy Grant's of the world who hit it big - but they don't see the hundreds of Professional Touring Christian singers who travel church to church singing - and there are THOUSANDS of those.... Professionals who are easily good enough to make money - but they never hit the "Big Time" as Radio stars.... They live in a bus or a van.. Live out of motel rooms or church spare rooms... They sing on Sunday's and Wednesday's and Revivals... They homeschool their kids as they travel from place to place.... Eventually, after a long time of life like this - they settle down and "Retire" in one place....

    That's not the sort of life that a PHD Mathematician or Physicist lives - the two lifestyles are basically mutually exclusive of eachother.... They will DESTROY this marriage in short order - because She will need you and your support on the road while she is on the road... YOU will need Her support back at home while you are doing research...
    FatherOfIsrael likes this.
  4. Who you call superstitious? : )

    Seriously,,, that can hurt…

    It's unclear what you mean when you say one, or a topic is a superstition…. am just guessing here..

    My guess is that it has something to do with what other Christians see as we are in a state of war…

    We at war!

    And we do not expect the enemy just slouching around....

    1 Peter 5:5-10New King James Version (NKJV)
    Submit to God, Resist the Devil
    5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for

    “God resists the proud,
    But gives grace to the humble.”a]'>[

    6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

    8 Be sober, be vigilant; becauseb]'>[
    b] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 10 But mayc]'>[c] the God of all grace, who called usd]'>[d] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
    FatherOfIsrael likes this.
  5. Hi, FatherOfIsrael
    There are several things in your post that I can relate to.

    I my professional back ground is in technology and I have a great interest in the sciences. I come at being a Christian from that angle, which can lead to interesting discussions. I have a different slant on the miraculous that sometimes causes concern in other Christians until we talk it out then they just think I have strange but not unchristian views.

    Many years ago (mid 1970's), when I was in the military and I got engaged to a wonderful young christian lady who worked in the Chaplin's office. My own inability to handle the relationship drove her away. About a year after we broke up I took pictures at her wedding to another Christian man -- that really took some praying and trusting.

    The Lord had other plans for me and I met the woman who actually did marry me and we have been man & wife since 1978. Even though we have had periods of difficulty, I am very thankful with the way things worked out.

    If you trust in the Lord, he will have a wonderful life for you. Possibly reuniting with the same young lady, maybe something different. But the most important thing is to trust Him
    Phoenix111, FatherOfIsrael and Lifeasweknowit says Amen and like this.
  6. That's painful and sad. One of the simplest ways to stay happy is letting go of the things that make u sad. Do not worry, God allow things to happen. He is preparing the very best for you. So smile and cheer up. :)
    Mercedes Benz E Class, JG27_chili and FatherOfIsrael says Amen and like this.
  7. I totally agree with @enaj_chy. I was left at the alter too! Surprisingly, he left things on the same terms @FatherOfIsrael. But then life goes on, and so should we. I know it is easier said than done but think about it. I'd say move on. Meet new people, socialize a little more instead of holding onto bitter emotions. It was a baffling experience me too. I was too shy to step out and discuss what happened in public. So, I went online. I met new people, had a few conversations and realized the world sin't as bitter as I thought to be. Then I found Richard one day. We clicked instantly. As we went to talking to each other, I realized we share the same beliefs, likes and dislikes. Now we are happily engaged since a year and half. I suggest, if you feel embarrassed about what happened, try opening your heart out on online social platforms like Fuzd- social app. I found the people there very nice. Hope you feel the same.

    FatherOfIsrael likes this.
  8. Having someone wanting to share a life with you is like having a passenger board your train.
    If your train has attractive things to visit, see, do, learn, etc to another person, they will attempt to board your train.
    If the passenger is going your way, all is fine and good. If the passenger wishes to take a detour, be prepared to accept the detour or lose your passenger.
    If the train is set on going to the Truth, there are many detours that go in the same direction and destination.
    If the wished detour is to go away from Truth, it is better to travel alone and know your way, than to travel in company and be lost.
    FatherOfIsrael and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.
  9. #10 FatherOfIsrael, Dec 26, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2015
    Here's an update.

    I don't want to sound stuck up, but it's the truth.

    I got into the math PhD program of a tier one university and was immediately awarded a fellowship due to my academic and professional achievements. I now enjoy a tuition waiver, a job as a graduate teaching assistant, and luxurious in-campus living made affordable. I also established myself there (psychologically) by acing my first three courses and befriending some of the most brilliant minds I've known in person.

    On the other hand, my ex-fiancée moved three hours from here to live with her mother in a trailer on a hill in the country and currently works as a bagger at her local Walmart. I kid you not.

    Moral of the Story: Don't dump a genuinely good guy over stupid stuff. I now feel a herculean amount of sympathy for her.

    Edit: Thank you for your comments, guys. I tremendously appreciate them. I read them a while back, and I'd be lying if I said they didn't console me. Merry Christmas!
    Mercedes Benz E Class, Cturtle and Phoenix111 says Amen and like this.
  10. #11 FatherOfIsrael, Dec 26, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2015
    She zealously believes an asteroid will wipe us out soon. I.e., she attends such conferences and constantly tells people about this—a la Jehovah's witness.
  11. I am into science too. I finished my masters and im trying to figure out how to get to that PhD. My first love left me too. He always used to tell me getting a PhD won't get me anywhere in life. Funny thing is I was willing to give up my heart's desires for him. I was willing to stop school, get married and have babies, just for him.Looking back now, I would have been miserable. What he wanted wasn't bad. But we just weren't compatible i guess. Our relationship was constant struggles and arguments. But I loved him. I think I loved him more than I loved myself. And so I was willing to settle and just do as he said. And you know what, I met a guy after that who was heading in the same direction as i was. And all of a sudden things didn't seem so difficult.

    What I learnt from all of that is don't settle for less than you deserve. Never ever settle. She may have a change of heart and return or maybe God has better for you. Either way, you'll be okay. You'll survive. :)
    Cturtle and Abdicate say Amen and like this.
  12. Amen! I had a fiancé when I was in the military and literally driving home for Christmas I stopped by the base post office to check mail... I got a Dear John letter. Seems her ex was willing to have sex whereas I wasn't before we got married. So I drove 13 hours straight to her house and took the ring back and gave it to my parents to keep for me. I never had contact with her again. Not a year later I met my current wife and we've been married 25 years. It hurts, but God's in control if you let Him, and He'll give you the one that'll be with you forever.
    Cturtle likes this.
  13. "So I drove 13 hours straight to her house and took the ring back and gave it to my parents to keep for me.":ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
  14. She had the gall to ask to keep it... can you believe it? So when I met my wife, I had my dad take it to a jeweler at church and have it made into two rings. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do when you're not monetarily rich :p
    Cturtle likes this.

  15. That's hilarious! But that is true.....ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
    Cturtle likes this.
  16. About four months ago, I met a lovely lady with whom I immediately connected (a colleague); we are extraordinarily alike. Unfortunately, she is engaged, but befriending her led me to "raise the bar." It also opened my eyes to the countless romantic opportunities out there—an otherwise obvious fact.
    It sounds like someone did not know the definition of the word dignity. Although what she did to you sucks really hard, I am glad things turned out the way they did for you.
    Abdicate likes this.
  17. Well, I should have waited for my wife as God intended, but at 21 the thought is "you're supposed to have a significant other"... which is a lie of the devil. I almost paid for it. I thank God for her ex, he saved me from who knows what.
  18. Yes. I was rushy too. I look back and thank God every time that I didn't marry him. I would have been so miserable.
    Abdicate likes this.

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