Ok, here it is summed up... My ex and I (both 25 y/o) were neighbors growing up. We were not close, but knew each other most our lives. 8 months ago we reconnected when she joined the bible study I lead and right away had an insane chemistry. I learned right away that she had moved back north to her mom's as a fresh start after an abusive and damaging relationship with the guy she had been with. Her new years resolution was to be single for a while and to work on growing as a person (insecurity, confidence, self esteem). I respected that and didn't press it because I wanted her to be comfortable and for it not to impact her ability to make friends with our group. It did not take long though (2-3 weeks) for us to be talking so often and to be so into each other that we started to hang out one on one. First time we did we ended up seeing each other Friday night through Sunday evening. We clicked and fell for each other like I have never seen or experienced before. It all felt like it was planned by God, the way we met, the closeness I felt with her and Him when it all began. She grew up going to my church, and it all felt so... right. I continuously have prayed throughout our relationship for God to show me what he has planned for me, whether my future is with her. This continued for months. We fell insanely in love and although it felt like time flew by, it seemed that we had grown as close as if we had been together for 2 good years. Through the good though, there was a constant presence of her stress and insecurity. It would cause some problems, but I was patient and understanding and always defused it. 8 weeks ago when each of us took 5 day trips apart, she started realizing how depended she was on me, and the stress it was causing and felt that she needed to truly be single and didn't want a relationship. See, she had been in relationships almost non-stop since the age of 16, and had never taken time to be single and focus on herself. She expressed this to me and I was obviously bothered and sad by it... she said she still loves me and doesn't want me waiting on her, but does hope that if she is lucky and I am still available when she heals and is done being single, that we can end up together. She has made it clear that she does not want to be single to date, and if she did want to date it would be with me. I struggled with whether I should cut contact all together to help her through this, but part of me thought she was just having a bit of a phase of stressing out and would come back soon. Reason to think this is because even to this day she can't go a day without talking to me, and for a while wanted to see me a lot still. As time went on though she started hanging out with her restaurant work friends more and more after work or on the weekends, and me less and less. I started stressing more and more over it and feeling abandoned, would bring up my feelings to her... far too often. She says that the reason is because she doesn't have feelings for them like she does for me and needs space so she can feel truly single. I struggled with this concept because I felt that if she truly loves me, she should want to be with me enough that she will make it work, even if timing wasn't ideal with her wanting to be single. What I was told by friends and herself is that it is not that she simply chooses to be single, it is that she has to be. She needs to feel whole and stand on her own feet, do things for herself, make decisions for herself, and become more confident before she can give any of herself to someone else. She lost her self identity and confidence in the last relationship and can't be in a relationship till that is back. The unfortunate part is she struggles with anxiety, and as a result along with other stress in her life, she is unable to give me hope that we will get back together, or how long this phase she is in will last for. She says ideally if she ended up with anyone it would be me and she would like to be with me someday, but she can't think about that right now. Lately I have messed up. Neither one of us wanted to cut contact because we are each too important to the other's life, but while keeping in contact every day, she has given me less and less of her time to hang out. I understand her reasoning, but it contradicts what she says about how important I am to her. The lack of seeing her and the distance that has occurred causes me to stress, so in the past 6 weeks the majority of the weeks have been more stress/bad than positive. We get into serious conversations almost every day where each of us has different views, wants, and so on. She has been close a few times to giving up all together and cutting contact in anger. I know I need to do better at being just a friend which is what she needs from me. Honestly, I can't be just a friend without knowing she still loves me. I love her too much and could never move on and be with someone else and still have her in my life. My stressing lately has caused her to be pushed farther away, and to harden more and more. It is to the point that she can't/doesn't want to feel or think about a future with me like she did when she first wanted to be single. She said just last night she still loves me, but doesn't know if we will ever get another chance. Part of my struggle is the double standards. She wants space and to feel single with no stress, so she doesn't want me texting or calling a bunch when she is out with friends. She doesn't want stress from my insecurity with whether she meets a guy, or dances with a guy, or any of that. When I go out though, she gets insecure as well and jumps to conclusions that I am out to meet girls (sign she isn't ready for a relationship yet I know). She doesn't want me to open up too much and get serious with her (just a friend), but when I don't talk as much as I usually do or open up as much, she thinks I am being short and gets upset. She doesn't like when I text her because she hasn't text back in a couple hours when out with friends but 40 minutes after not texting her back sends a text showing that she takes it personally that I hadn't text her back. I know these are red flag signs that she has growing to do, I am just unsure what to do. I don't want to stop talking to her, but I know I need to separate myself till I am able to be just friends with her. I don't know whether I need to shut off my emotions, stop caring, never initiate texts, or what to help me get to a place where I am ok with this situation. I have been praying a lot to God about this, but so far it does not seem that he has answered and I am feeling lost. I am looking for any advice on how to handle this beyond the typical guy response of "she isn't worth it dude, just move on". I truly feel like God has a bigger purpose for us meeting than what has happened so far, and need advice from those that have either been the one that needs to be single, or been the one that has successfully lived through this from my side. I need to know what to do in order to give us the best chance at getting another shot down the road. Also, if you have needed this "single time" before, how long did it take you to get through this time? I know I need to trust in God, and know whatever the outcome if I give my life to God it will all work out, but that doesn't always help in the moment. I have tried that, but with how God works sometimes it is easy to still feel alone even when I know I am not. I pray very day for him to help heal her, make her whole, show me what his plan is, give me strength and patience and confidence... Beyond that though I don't know what to do, but I know I need to stop putting pressure on her and stressing her out. Unless God shows me he has a different plan for me, I want more than anything to marry this girl someday. Please help give me some wisdom/insight.