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My Ex-girlfriend Changed My Faith In God. Is This Ok? Can I Tell Her This?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Risenphoenix, Apr 6, 2014.

  1. Let me first say that it wasn't until recently that my inner faith and my views of God began to change. Ultimately it was with God's help and my own self realization that led me to this point but it was also influenced by a most special woman whom I grew to love over the past year plus. For most of my life I've been weak in faith and only reached out to God at the best and worst of times. I realize now that this is not what my relationship with God is meant to be. I lost my father at the age of 8 due to a heart attack and watched my mother who had a strong sense of faith, struggle with raising my sister and I alone. A few years after his death when I was old enough to form my own opinions I began to blame him for his death and was angry at him. How could he do this to me and especially my mother? I was weak of faith and I let anger and fear creep into my heart. I've always been a moral person and a pretty good man :) but at the same time I didn't try to live like Jesus did and have pure faith in what I couldn't see physically. So from a young age until the end of 2013 I continued to have this corrupted relationship and connection with God. At the end of 2012 I met a nice woman from match.com whom I fell in love with as time went on. I work a lot and I'm shy to some degree so this was the easiest way for me to look for someone to get to know. Before I responded to her profile via e-mail there were 2 things I saw in her profile that stuck out to me. One, she wanted to be with someone that she could be good friends with and secondly she wanted someone she could share a relationship with God together. She said this was something she would have "liked" to share but it was not necessary. I wasn't sure if I should respond to this person but I got the courage to do so. Something inside said YES. The world is becoming a scary place with evil running rampant and while I wasn't very religious I have always wanted a good, moral woman who deep down inside was a loving person. I found out later on that she had tried Christian Mingle before Match but had no luck and maybe that's why she said it was not necessary. Also I was her only serious relationship she has ever had. Throughout 2013 our relationship began to grow and I felt closer to her as time went on. Now this woman had a very difficult time expressing her inner feelings to me, as well as to other people, and she told me this up front before we had ever met. This was just how she was but I excepted that because we are all far from perfect. Still I was compelled to get to know her because I could relate to her in that way. I used to be very shy and never expressed how I felt well but life changed me and I became more outgoing as the years went by. I'm 35 and she is 28. I was raised Catholic and she was raised Presbyterian and this doesn't bother me because I don't want religion to divide people, but rather to bring us all closer together. She invited me to her church about 5 months after we met for a fundraising concert in which she was singing in. This was also the first time I met her mother, father and sister. She also invited me to her church a few weeks before Christmas for a sing-along and puppet show. She also invited my mother to come as well and it was the first time all of us were together in a house of God. At that moment in church I finally felt a comfort blanket me and I felt like I truly belonged. I even reached out to God at that point and promised him that if something did go wrong in our relationship that I would not be angry with or blame him for it. I felt all this love flow into my heart and soul and it wasn't just from all of them, but it was also from me allowing God's love to enter my heart. Right before New Year's she sent me a text message picture of a devotional she had read that day explaining about anxiety about the future. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25 Towards the end of 2013 work began to get to me and I let others at work anger me and it began to make me worry about all sorts of things going on in my life. It began to consume me some but still being with her made the pain much less and I thought at that time that was enough.... On New Years day I looked at her at one point and suddenly became concerned about my soul. Was I going to go to heaven? I was a good man but not a good Christian. I thought about her and all the others I loved and wondered if I would see them in the after life. I knew if my life ended on that very day that I most likely wouldn't go to heaven because I wasn't living as God would have wanted me to. It hit me hard. She also sent me another devotional near the end of January about being strong and courageous, similar to the one she sent me earlier. "This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 I think she saw my anxiety and reached out to me in this way. She had never done so before until the end of last year. We hardly got to see each other in February due to snow and ice storms. I had to make up lost time at work and she was a nurse so she always had to make sure she could get to and from work so we had to cancel some of our dates. And after a nice date in early March she sent me a text the next day saying that she needed to talk to me. I knew then that something was wrong and that she was most likely going to end her relationship with me. I went to see her as she wanted and she told me that over the past few months she began to have a gradual disconnect with me. She said she didn't want it to be this way and so on but that she didn't want to be dishonest with me. She said I couldn't change her feelings but she also said she didn't know why she felt this way now. Of course I took this hard and was immediately hurt and in despair. She told me if her feelings changed for me even in the slightest that she would contact me via e-mail to let me know. I not only lost my girlfriend that day but also someone who became one of my best friends. I had family and some friends supporting me but I felt lonely and hurt. I did however keep my promise to God and I never was angry at him for it nor blamed him either. I did ask why and wondered why but I never showed anger. From that point on I have gone to church every week and went to the Stations of the Cross and so on. It made me feel better inside and I began to remind myself that God is always there with me. He doesn't grant wishes or fix everything but he is there for support. I began to realize over the past month plus that I need to love God more than anyone because without God I wouldn't be here on earth and I wouldn't have all the great moments, memories and so on that I have right now. Without God I would have never met her and so on. I pray to God everyday now for others and for him to give me strength to be a better Christian and to help others and live to my life the way Jesus did and to just have pure, true, honest faith in him. With all this said I had never told my ex any of this that was going inside with me while we were together and not together. I see the love God has for me through the little ways she had reached my heart and soul. I realize God has to be the most important presence in my life but I also don't think I would have changed, or changed as soon as I did, without knowing my her. Also her ending our relationship accelerated my feelings with God. I have spent the last few weeks making sure the changes I have towards God were not just because I missed her and loved her still but that they were genuine and pure. I believe now they are. I see now how in a relationship a connection with God and the one you love needs to be shared and understood. I have read the bible almost every day and I continue to pray for God, the world and for everything I can think of. I ask some things of God but it is no longer just about me and selfish desires. I know that's not what loving God and having faith is all about. I feel happy inside that I was able to come to a point where my faith and feelings for God are becoming stronger but I also realize this is a life long struggle and I have so so so much more to understand and learn. I haven't talked to my ex in over a month and I guess what I'm asking all of you is, Is it ok to let her know how her influences on me helped restore my faith in God? She was only a small part because only "I" can make the true connection with God but she did help. I know now why she wanted that connection with God in a relationship but it took her ending our relationship for me to see that. I'm a better person now for having known her and for understanding this. Is it wrong for me to want to be with her again? Still deep inside I do miss her and still care about her. Is this wrong to feel this way? I can't help wanting to tell her about my journey in regards to my faith. I know my relationship with God is a personal one but it's also something I truly want to share, especially with her. I'm contemplating telling her all of this in a few weeks time but just wanted some feedback from people who are stronger than I and who might see things I do not. She might have given me the best gift anyone can give another. With God's help, she led me from darkness into new light. And since I never told her any of this I feel compelled to do so. Sorry if I rambled on I just want to let my heart speak. Thank You for your time and support. God Bless all of you !!!
    Huntingteckel likes this.
  2. I believe from what you've explained you know what to do. I don't think there's any harm in telling her how she has influenced you in your relationship with God. In that respect it's fine to maybe keep the lines of communication open and tell her. God can place people in our paths to help us , they may be in your life for a short season, longer or for life. Either way if it's time to move on seek God's guidance for your life. It's great to hear you are no longer angry at God (why should we be angry at God when He is the only one who can help us). And that you have grown into His love for you. May you continue on your journey with Him in your life.
    Apologia and Risenphoenix say Amen and like this.
  3. Thanks Sal. It's amazing how fast my feelings for God changed in such a short period of time. Thanks for reinforcing what I think I already decided I was going to do. I wonder about the anxiety I had/have. Is that the work of Satan or evil or is it just a flaw I possess since we all aren't perfect? I definitely don't want any anger in my life anymore. No anger towards God and towards anyone else for that matter.
  4. I used to be very anxious but now i overcome anxiety with the Word of God. I meditate on scriptures that relate to what i am going through and that helps me to trust and rest in Him. When you place your trust in God you can relax. Trust Him to take care of all your needs. Know that God is greater than any problem you have. Prayer is what you can do instead of worrying. Cast your cares and anxieties on God , give them to Him in prayer. Trusting God gives us peace.

    Faith in Jesus is "the leaning of your entire personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness" (Colossians 1:4).
  5. Whoa, that's the longest paragraph I've ever seen :p

    Seriously though thank you for sharing!

    You asked...

    "Is it ok to let her know how her influences on me helped restore my faith in God?
    Absolutely! I wrote a letter to my best friend's dad about a year ago saying that his influence and the book he gave me that brought me back to God was very much appreciated. He is a youth minister and I have known their family since I was 5 years old. Like Sal said, there are people that God puts in your path and then uses His Holy Spirit through them to do some miraculous things! There is no reason for reservation when wanting to thank someone. But understand, it was God's Spirit working through them :)

    Is it wrong for me to want to be with her again?
    There are always going to be feelings of want, especially when someone else breaks off the relationship. Unfortunately, you shouldn't be asking yourself if it is wrong for you to want to be with her again, but what God wants for you. God's purpose for her being in your life may have just been to reignite your relationship with Him. I would pray on this and ask God what He wants for you.

    Still deep inside I do miss her and still care about her. Is this wrong to feel this way?
    Gosh I hope not :). I still care about and miss people from years ago. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Keep talking to God, He will let you know what to do and what He wants for you!

    Stay blessed my friend.
    Risenphoenix, Where is the Messiah and Sal says Amen and like this.

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