My dad doesn't back me up

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by James Clark, Oct 10, 2016.

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  1. My dad and I are very similar in some ways, but very different in other ways. Our mannerisms and attitude toward things are similar, but the way we take care of ourselves and treat others is different. I always take pride in being healthy and exercising. He mocks/makes fun of the healthy food I make, scoffs at it, and constantly argues with me about Whole Foods and everything else. We also use primarily natural cleaners (better life and vinegar), and I feel a lot better about not putting chemicals in our home. They actually work very well, but he resfuses to even try them and continues to buy comet and bleach. He never listens to me about either of those things. These are two huge interests for me and he doesn't care (yes, he has told me directly that he doesn't care). I have talked to him many times about this and how it hurts my feelings, and he either A: Victimizes himself and points out things that I do that he doesn't like B: says that I shouldn't care about any of this stuff because I'm a kid. Lately I've been at the end of my rope. He constantly berates these things that are important to me. I honestly feel like God has given me this knowledge of health, and I want to do the best that I can. I have watched my grandpa die of cancer and go through strokes and seizures, and I just don't want him to end up with those issues. I just don't know what to do as he is insensitive and won't even begin to understand when I tell him that he is hurting me. Advice?
  2. I might add that my mom is also into health and exercise, but his attitude effects their relationship and his eating habits sometimes being her down with him.
  3. Greetings James,
    It's great that you are into healthier foods and such.

    Colossians 2:16
    Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbathdays:

    To be truthful he has a right to eat anything or use what cleaners he desires in his home.

    Since you know he does not see eye to eye with you on this then........pray and seek God in this. Roll this care over onto God.

    loriT and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  4. #4 Cturtle, Oct 10, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
    I know it's difficult to have such a huge disagreement in this area, and the fact that you are trying to encourage your dad is really a huge and honorable thing. And yes your opinion and thoughts and views are important, for it is shaping who you will become.

    However if you can look at it from a different point of view, it may help you to encourage change even more than you are doing now, and would in turn spare your feelings and also help your mom too.

    Try to see this as an attack on the relationship between you and your dad. The devil knows that where there is strife, there is no peace and no love and forgiveness. Love and forgiveness are key factors to walking in health and wholeness. And if he (the devil) can attack your emotions and feelings, then he is training you to be offended easily and to walk contrary or opposite to love as Jesus has commanded us.

    John 14:21 says that when we obey all Jesus commands He manifests Himself in our lives. If your walking in unforgiveness with your dad, by being offended then your prayers are being hindered. And your relationship with your dad is being destroyed.

    You may not agree with everything your dad does, but you need to respect him, and love him right where he is at. If you will stop pushing him to believe the way you will stop the strife in your home and restore the love that can change the whole situation around.

    Loving your dad, and showing him respect and support will turn him more quickly then arguing or oposing him. It will get him off the defensive and into the positive. And will cause him to be supportive in the things you are passionate about as well.

    The Bible says a house divided against itself will not stand. The quickest way to bring harm to your dad is to cause stress, and hurt within him. And it will come out in harsh ways towards you because he may not know how to accept or process his feelings when he feels you are not supportive of him.

    The relationship that you learn to cultivate and nurture with your parents now, will have an affect upon all your future relationships. And relationship is huge with God. It also will have an affect on how you relate to your future wife and children. And most importantly how you relate to God.

    My dad and brother had a horrible relationship, and it greatly affected both of their health. So if you want to see you and your dad have a long life please consider all that I said and keep it close to your heart. For love covers a multitude of sins and promotes healthy living in a different way, and is very much tied into the total wholeness of the body.

    God bless you abundantly!
    We will be praying for you both!
    loriT and Fish Catcher Jim say Amen and like this.
  5. On the topic of what is and isn't allowed in the home, as the man of the house, what goes into the house is up to him. The final decision rests upon the father of the household. While in his home, you must honor his wishes in how he runs his home. If you disagree with it, right or wrong, the bible is pretty clear that we are to serve those who are given charge over us.

    On the personal level of it though, Learn to love the differences, in light of eternity none of the differences really matter. If your father is a saved man, partner with him and allow him to disciple you, if your father is not a believer, minister to him through obedience.
    loriT, JG27_chili, Ravindran and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  6. Don't get me wrong, we have a pretty good relationship. I have tried letting him do what he wants, but he is rude to me about the way I eat no matter what I do. I don't need him to completely buy in to everything that I say, I just want him to be respectful of my opinions. Let me give an example. I make these almond flour cookies that I find delicious, but he has never liked them. Instead of saying, "I don't like these that much, but if you like them, that's good!" He says, "These are the worst cookies I've ever had. They make me sad. How could you ever eat something so disgusting?" See what I mean?

    I might also add that my dad never cleans, so cleaners don't really effect him. We buy natural cleaners anyway, but he refuses to use them for whatever reason.

    To put things in perspective, my dad grew up in Texas on a farm. His brothers were 10 and 18 years older than him, so he was alone for a lot of his childhood and his brothers were pretty mean to him (though they have good relationships now). When he was young, you were beaten up and called a sissy for talking about feelings, etc., so he became callous to other people's emotions. Another example would be the way I dress. I try to dress fashionably, whereas he has never really cared about fashion (which, once again, is fine; people are different). I wear tasteful clothes, nothing too crazy, but I swear every time I walk out of my room he gives me a weird look and criticizes me. He doesn't have to care about fashion, but he typically shoots passive-aggressive comments at me and makes fun of me. I've talked to him about this, but he refuses to acknowledge the fact that his comments hurt my feelings and self-confidence.

    I will add that we are all saved :) I have prayed about this for a long time and worked on my attitude for years. I have tried leaving him alone and not getting into arguments, but he intentionally incites me by making passive-aggressive comments. I just want him to be respectful of my opinions.
  7. #7 Cturtle, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2016
    What you battling is a spiritual war. And only by your walking in love and ignoring and forgiving every rude or critical comment are you going to be able to keep your own sanity. This is where 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 come into play in your life. This is where you need to fight this battle so as to come out without any spiritual scars, or strongholds in your thinking.

    You have to get your mind fixed upon the fact that God loves you and backs you up no matter what (as long as your walking in love and forgiveness and respect... meaning your doing your part in your relationship with your parents), and that according to the Bible you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Then when the comments come, you take them captive (kick them out and refuse to think or believe them) immediately. And continue to not allow them to affect your "feelings."

    If you base your life on feelings and gain your self confidence from others instead of God and His Word, it will be difficult to be emotionally healthy. If We as believers will base our lives off 1Corinthians 13:4-8a it's a much easier and peaceful way to live, and will cause you much less trouble in the future.

    I know it's a different way to live, but it will keep you emotionally healthy and walking as Jesus teaches us.

    loriT and Fish Catcher Jim say Amen and like this.
  8. Giving your father a benifit of a doubt.

    He is your father and you don't know the miles he has walked.
    Give him a hug and sincerely tell him that you love him...
    Cturtle, loriT, Klub and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  9. If you were truly in trouble, your dad would most likely be the first person to back you up. Minor differences of opinion about health food and cleaning products is not a sign that your father isn't on your side. It is simply something where he differs in opinion from you. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to take the higher road and simply quietly do your own thing. Sometimes leading by quiet example is more powerful than all the words and entreaties in the world. If your father becomes curious in future, he will start to ask questions. If he isn't interested, it is not important in comparison to the good relationship that you share with him. No two people In any kind of relationship are ever going to see eye to eye on all issues, whether these be coworkers, friends, family, or future spouses. How we handle these issues defines our character. Most people do not like to be forced to feel like the other person is trying to come across as though they are right, and that any other viewpoint is wrong. This causes disharmony within any relationship. The best course is empathy, understanding, and then graciously accepting the fact that you are not going to agree on all issues. Helpful prayer for the strength to accept that others cannot always agree with us, and strength to still regard them with loving understanding is of extreme benefit. Do not allow disharmony to creep into your home or your relationship with your father. Do your own thing as your conscience leads you to do, and respect your father for his own opinion about this.
    Cturtle likes this.
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