my 1st girlfriend

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Elmer D, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. and I am her first boyfriend too haha :D and were 2 years now . Shes the reason I walk with Jesus again. She never loose her faith even if shes really sick.

    I really see my future with this girl and I want to be her husband, i want her to be my first and only

    the problem is

    - we always argue about anything even the small stuff
    - i fooled around in the past, partying and stuff.... now she doesnt trust anymore.
    - when we were starting together Her dad had an she thinks every guy is like that
    - i have my own bible now and i read her my favourite day we fought she threw the bible at me, LOL haha yup

    im really loosing my hair. I want to work this out.....sigh*
  2. Hey - after what I write, you are probably going to be quite furious with me and may not even talk to me. But it's quite alright.
    Look, I've seen people get married while there's trust issues between each other and where they fight CONSTANTLY. Divorce usually happens and both parties are hurt and discouraged.
    I really think you should pray about this. And don't listen to YOUR voice, but God's voice.
    Also, I think you should look on what love is supposed to be. I think you should make a list, and do "checks" by it when you know you have it. If you're unsure of it, keep it blank. Look up the famous love chapter in the bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

    Love is PATIENT - Are you patient most of the time? There are times when we get impatient, but when it comes to a point where you're impatient with your girlfriend all the time, then it's not okay.

    Love is KIND - When you guys fight, do you insult her and does she insult you? Are you rude to her, when fighting and not fighting? Do you do things for her just to show her that you do love her?

    It does not envy - Do you get jealous easily when she's talking to other people besides you? Is it vice versa? Does she get jealous easily when you talk to other people?

    It does not boast/pride - Are you or your girlfriend prideful? Where it gets to a point where you think you're better than your girlfriend, or vice versa.

    It does not dishonor - Do you honor your g/f 24/7? Or do you dishonor her? And vice versa.

    It is not self-seeking - Is it all about you? You want this, you want to do that? Or do you think about your girlfriend wants? And vice versa. I keep saying vice versa because it takes two to have a relationship. Love needs to be sacrificial. You need to be always sacrificing things. It can't be all about you in the relationship.

    It is not easily angered - Do you get angry easily? Especially at your girlfriend? And does your girlfriend get easily angered at you? Do little things tick you off and then there's a bit BLOW UP. It takes two to fight. If your girlfriend gets upset with you easily, and when you respond, it's your fault as well. Be a bigger person, walk away! :)

    Love keeps no records of the wrong - Does your girlfriend constantly bring up your past mistakes? And do you do the same? God has forgiven YOUR sins, adn he's forgotten them. Portray Christ. God loves you, that's why he keeps of your wrongdoings.

    My question to you is this - are you dating your girlfriend beacuse you don't want to be single? Are you scared of being single. Is all the fighting realy worth it? It only hurts both of you guys. Now, if you guys fight once in a great while, that's fine. But...when it is pretty much all the time, then that's something you really need to look into.

    Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

    It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - Love protects one another. Is your girlfriend and yourself willing to protect each other through everything? Does your girlfriend and yourself has trust issues with each other? Love perseveres, it never gives up. When the tough gets going, then fight for what's it worth! Love never ever fails.
    Rumely likes this.
  3. yes most of all Love never fails...

    yes few months ago i keep rehearsing that verse and now i remember it,
    i say that verse whenever i can now, thanks for the details tho :)

    shes my bestfriend and by fate were together now.

    i just feel choke right now.....
  4. I'm just saying, if you are fighting constantly, it usually won't last once you're married. My friends mom, she is MISERABLE in her marriage. She fought constantly with her husband BEFORE they got married, but she doesn't believe in divorce. You can think, "That won't happen to me," but once you're in marriage, it's a bit too late to go back.

    I'm sorry for being quite honest here, especially since I really don't talk to you. But I've seen it happen and I see how miserable people are.
    For me, if I was fighting with my boyfriend constantly, I would end it. As hard as it is to do that, I need to think about what I DESERVE and push away my desires.

    The bottom thing is this - you are going to do what you're going to do. WE can offer advice and encouragement, but it's up to you to make that decision.

    You even said she has trust issues with you. Which is UNDERSTANDABLE because of what she's been through, but a relationship CANNOT, it CANNOT, have trust issues. Love is ALL about trust.
  5. If it were me..I'd walk away from your relationship..yes..if y'all are having things happening right now..just wait till you both say I do..then it's too late.
  6. This is not a "quick fix" situation. The two of you really need to talk with a counselor to help sort this out, because there is a lot going on here, with some deep seated issues involved. I think there are solutions, but both parties need to be willing and able to engage in the process necessary to achieve those solutions. If either party is either unwilling or unable, all bets are off. There are, of course, things you can do as an individual, which may bring about a response in the other which brings resolution, but I haven't seen a lot that inspires optimism within me regarding the one-sided approach.

    I don't know how much you're willing to share, but I'm interested in these arguments. What are they about? How do they start, how do they play out, and how do they end?
  7. i also remember psalm 23- the lord is my sheperd
    read "men are from mars and women are from venus"
    watch lots of romantic movies

    lol i really need every help i can get hahaha
    one thing i have learned while walking with God, is love is hardwork

    i guess i just have to lay everything to God

  8. i need your prayers my brothers and sisters ^.^
  9. You are absolutely right, you really do need to lay everything to God. It's very hard to do! It's a process! God loves you <3
  10. For some good reading, check out "His Needs Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley. He also has a number of other books (Love Busters, for one) that are very insightful and helpful in practical ways in matters of romantic relationships. Any of his books will give you a lot to chew on.
  11. alright cool! ill cehck that out :D

    thank you every1 :)
  12. I'm not sure whether I'm less experienced with God or with marriage and asking for help in other threads rather than being an adviser...

    I can only pray that things work out well for you. Love is something I never found and not something I at 50 desire now but as well as you seem to know clearly, as well as a horrible I must have her and always be with her" lust that goes under the name of love but is destructive, there is a true love that builds up in friendship. I only found the former and then only once but I have seen the latter and people working on a relationship - seems rare to me but it can happen.

    I've not in my 50 yrs seen one work without effort, give and take and understanding so here's to hoping you, God and girlfriend can get it all together if that makes any sense.
  13. hmm i see..good one too bro

    thanks :)
  14. The solution to cease fighting is:

    1. Humility. Better to be happy than right. Who cares if she is right, why do you have to disagree? Respect her opinions and don't always disagree.

    2. Listen well, never interrupt, and have empathy. Help her know that you are listening to her and value what she says.

    3. If you both continue to argue all the time, then it's not a healthy relationship and you will grow to resent each other. It just means you both are not ready for a serious commitment and have not yet developed and high awareness and maturity needed to be with someone successfully.

    God bless your heart, best wishes.
    xspinningisfun likes this.
  15. thank you for the advice and blessing Tony I appreciate it :)
  16. You are very welcome Elmer :D. God bless your heart.
  17. the sea is calm for now..... :D

    i will face the tsunami like a rock that cannot be shaken. ;)

    like my faith to God

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