Hello, Just to give you all a little background on my marriage, we've been married for 3 1/2 years now. It was a whirlwind courtship although we both felt we knew our union was from the Lord and even felt we had confirmation of that on numerous occasions. We are both older, this is my first marriage and my husband's second marriage. I was 42 when we married, and I'm 9 years older than him. His first wife cheated on him and left him for that person. They had no children. We both want children but unfortunately, due to health issues for both of us early in our marriage that is not likely at this point so we have decided to adopt as soon as we get on our feet financially. Thus brings on our strife and dilemmas. While my husband's health issues are now resolved. I struggle with numerous health issues, one of which being fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have excruciating joint and nerve pain that I live with daily. Years ago I had to leave my field in healhcare and work part time from home. It was a huge pay cut but i was able to take better care of myself and have a better quality of life. When we were first married, both I and my husband werent making alot of money and we could barely afford our rent every month. He refused to get a second job or a better paying job so I decided to go back to my field and trust that God would help me. In the meantime he was going to school for a new filed. I did this for two years, working mandatory overtime, and having a huge caseload that caused me to remain in a state of constant stress. Toward the end I was constantly in the ER and my Dr. told me I was killing myself and needed to scale back. Subsequently my husband was demoted and he lost all motivation to continue college in this new field he had chosen. Despite my encouragement to not let this slight blip in the road take away all the work he had done toward his classes. He ended up not finishing school and decided that field wasn't for him. Again, my husband never stepped up to the plate and got a 2nd job etc. Our only recourse was to move to another state where my family owned a home we could live in rent free. It's been two years and we are still in the exact same situation. My husband took a very low paying job,I work part time from home. I've tried to encourage him in stepping up and being a provider. i offered to work full time again to support us while he went to a trade school or something , he refuses. I feel he has no motivation and doesn't seem to think there is much wrong with the way we are living. He just feels his job will eventually promote him and we will wait until then. There is no sense of urgency about it for him. Meanwhile, we are not paying rent, we are only getting older and the thought of having a newborn baby at 50 years old scares me. I just feel all our dreams slipping away and I feel resentful because it feels like he doesn't love me enough to step outside his comfort zone and be a provider. We fight alot now. I've lost respect for him in a lot of ways because there's a deep selfishness and self centeredness about him that i was blind to before. Ive always been the type to lay down my life for others. My husband is not like that at all. I'm so hurt that he sees how badly i suffer in pain and doesn't try to go out and be a better provider. There's things that i need that could help my condition but we simply can't afford them. If this was the other way around i would do anything for him because i love him so much. I'm not sure what to do or if i should just continue to pray for the Lord to send Godly men into his life to show him how to be a man. He didnt have good role models growing up. Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake in marrying him. Other times I feel I'm being too demanding about it and expecting too much. I guess I'm just old fashioned, even though I was a go getter and had a great career before becoming ill, i still want to be taken care of by my knight in shining armor. Any advice, resources, recommended books for both or either of us. We tried counseling but the counselor never said anything to either of us he just asked questions and listened and we both felt it wasnt helping.